Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DS shopping 30 mins away regardless?

81 replies

FresherThanMums · 01/04/2020 12:09

Our two lost local shops are no longer allowing DC in. I don't have alternative childcare and his nursery shut for good, even to key workers, as they couldn't afford to stay open.

My mum is a high risk group so couldn't have him. I have no other choice but to take him shopping but the local ones won't allow DC.

There is a little local shop that allows us in BUT the prices are so inflated and shopping, what I could get of it, is now twice the price. Not affordable.

Can't really get a shopping slot. I'm a key worker and not even click and collect is available. AIBU to just to take him shopping that's a good 30 min drive away? We enjoy the drive too. It feels normal.

OP posts:
Marnie76 · 01/04/2020 13:52

Can’t you tell him something came up at work and stop on the way. When do you sleep!

Original poster
FresherThanMums · 01/04/2020 13:57

If I was late back, he would just go cold and act all indifferent and stressy. And no doubt have a horrible manner about him whilst waiting for my return.

I have no idea why he does this. When we were together he would do this all the time, even if I had DS with me. If I said I was leaving SIL's house at 5 and then decided to leave at 6, he's be pissed off and act all off with me. Not sure why as he didn't have DS. And once DS was home he'd start moaning about him being annoying Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
FresherThanMums · 01/04/2020 13:57

I find myself rushing back just to keep the peace

OP posts:
bananaskinsnomnom · 01/04/2020 13:58

OP I think yes go, just make sure (like we all should) that’s it’s as little as possible, so ideally once a week. Go and do a big shop

TryingToBeBold · 01/04/2020 14:01

have no idea why he does this. When we were together he would do this all the time, even if I had DS with me. If I said I was leaving SIL's house at 5 and then decided to leave at 6, he's be pissed off and act all off with me. Not sure why as he didn't have DS. And once DS was home he'd start moaning about him being annoying hmm

Okay.
But you dont live with him anymore.. and therefore dont have to deal with this behaviour.

If you're not going to tell him you're going to be an hour late then what other choice to you have to take DC with you? Why are you asking?

Ragwort · 01/04/2020 14:01

Pumpkin it really does depend on where you live as to the support you can expect from volunteers, I accept that we are very fortunate where we live as there are volunteers who will do shopping (for anyone who needs it) walk your dog, fetch prescriptions and just keep in touch with a daily phone call. As I said earlier, we have people queuing up to volunteer.

rosydreams · 01/04/2020 14:03

i would do a big shop even go to a few shops to make i got everything i needed if some shops ran out of items.I had to go to 3 shops the other day to get 2 packs of pasta for my family .Dont rush prep for it make sure you packed nappies the changing bag or what ever snacks and make sure you calm down so you dont forgot anything

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 01/04/2020 14:12

People who keep saying to ask volunteers are living in cloud cuckoo land!

I have a lot of friends and there are covid help groups on fb but there is literally no one I could ask to do a full week/2 week shop for me. These people are also attempting to shop for their own families and actual vulnerable people!

callmeadoctor · 01/04/2020 14:12

He times you.........................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Tell him you will shop on way home (if you are feeling really kind, you can ask if he wants anything picking up.........)

dontdisturbmenow · 01/04/2020 14:14

Plus I want treats in too! Come on, I'm locked down with a toddler and no escape other than working nights in a hospital. I deserve a few treats in
That's fine, but be honest that is the real reason you want to go, which in theory is not a good enough reason, but I won't be the one judging you.

Aloe6 · 01/04/2020 14:15

Yanbu. Plenty of people living rurally have to travel for about that amount of time to reach a large supermarket.

VeganCow · 01/04/2020 14:17

Read the other day that single mums with a car each are driving to their local supermarket and one waits in their car that's parked next to the other's car, keeping an eye on the kids in that car (who are on ipads/colouring or whatever) and then they swap. Seemed like a good idea to me but obv only works if the kids being left are of an age to understand.

HollowTalk · 01/04/2020 14:20

I'm very glad he's your ex. He sounds horrible. And if you are in the Liverpool area let me know.

Deux · 01/04/2020 14:22

Of course it’s fine. You’re working nights! What’s wrong with people?

You are not prohibited from driving to the supermarket whatsoever. No one is going to drop down dead as soon as you get in your car.

GinnyStrupac · 01/04/2020 14:23

I thought that the government guidelines were not to take DCs in to shops unless you had no option eg single parent without other care and too young to leave at home or in the car? The shops not allowing DCs in in these circumstances are overstepping the mark. OP, can you speak to them about your home and work situation - they should make an exception for you? Would they let you hand them a list at the door if not? The government also wants us to stay local and for people to go to the shop if they can, leaving online slots for those who really need them. We all need to avoid driving longer distances, and an hour round trip is just that, but if you really have no option, you really have no option.

For those mentioning the Co-op quick shop, I understand this has very limited availability and aimed at the vulnerable or elderly or self isolating with coronavirus symptoms - those in those categories only who cannot get to the shop and cannot get an online slot or volunteer delivery.

buttcrackmcheese · 01/04/2020 14:27

100% go do your shop Smile

GinnyStrupac · 01/04/2020 14:31

I know local shops are more expensive, but then factor in what you would save by not using an hour's petrol?

PS Whatever you do, don't forget a treat for you both - definitely not for the ex though.

BorsetshireBlueBalls · 01/04/2020 14:42

I would take them to the supermarket 30 minutes away as that works best for you and give it no mind, OP. The police have been issued with guidelines today telling them not to be so leaden-footed about interpreting the emergency legislation, and that it is perfectly acceptable for people to drive a reasonable distance to exercise, never mind doing essential food shopping (and if your shopping includes treats, that counts too!) so go right ahead. And bad luck about the ex, sounds a right tit.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 01/04/2020 14:50

Blimey woman go to the sodding shop....whatever shop you fucking well like you don’t need mumsnet permission.

Plus I want treats in too! Come on, I'm locked down with a toddler and no escape other than working nights in a hospital. I deserve a few treats in
That's fine, but be honest that is the real reason you want to go, which in theory is not a good enough reason, but I won't be the one judging you
Well actually I think it is a good enough reason. Someone working in a hospital is very much frontline, , they are doing more than the vast majority of us in this crisis. Something is wrong is someone begrudges a health care working having treats

Go and get your treats...

PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/04/2020 14:57

I absolutely would do what you're suggesting. If you can do it after work all the better but it doesn't sound like your ex is very accommodating.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 01/04/2020 15:03

That's fine, but be honest that is the real reason you want to go, which in theory is not a good enough reason, but I won't be the one judging you.

No you won't judge at all, will you.

It pisses me off when people bang on about only shopping for essentials, as if we all need to be living off gruel. No, you shouldn't go to the shop just because you fancy a Twix and some Pringles when you have plenty of food at home, but there is no reason not to buy plenty of 'none essentials' , which is subjective anyway. while you are at the supermarket.

whitesoxx · 01/04/2020 15:07

I'd let him stress and huff. Tell him you'll be back at X time, you'll only need an extra 15/30 mins

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 01/04/2020 15:10

And if she lets him “huff” he could well not turn up to look after the child on her next night shift then what does she do? What does the nhs do when it’s another staff member down?

From what op has said this man isn’t father of the year and at the minute other childcare isn’t an option so if he refuses op is rather screwed isn’t she

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/04/2020 15:15

Your ex sounds foul and I can see why he's an ex, but I agree I wouldn't want to risk him refusing to care for your DS while you have to work.

So yes - take him and go to the shops further away because really, what other sane choice do you have?

The local ones should be ashamed of themselves, by the way.

Silentplikebath · 01/04/2020 15:24

YANBU as you have no other choice. Your ex is horrible but you know that already.

Make sure you buy lots of treats as I’ve found that it helps. I’ve been self isolating for over three weeks (as I’m high risk) and my chocolate biscuits are a high point every afternoon!

Thank you to you and all the other wonderful key workers Flowers