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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I reading too much into this?

57 replies

only3left · 31/03/2020 22:47

Is this appropriate ?
Colleague and I have a bit of history. Over texting / complementing/ chemistry etc.

He is now in a relationship for the last two years . They are in lockdown together so maybe he is a little bored .
He has been texting me daily asking if we can go out together to a weekend festival / drinking session/ to my home ( I'm
Single)!when lock down is over.

We have a strong texting history which I pulled back on when he got together with his girl. No smut but suggestive. When I speak of other men, he tones it down and wished me the best and looks forward to me meeting someone deserving of
Me ..
He is back To texting daily . I am non commital and reply now and again. Aibu to think there is more than an innocent explanation for this renewed interest or is he bored as hell and full of rubbish.

OP posts:
Bezalelle · 31/03/2020 22:50

Whatever his intention, you should stop texting him. He sounds proper sleazy.

HollowTalk · 31/03/2020 22:51

Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

msmith501 · 31/03/2020 22:52

I think he sounds bored and is using texts as a way of adding some spice to his life. If you're happy to play along then ok- I guess - but in terms of your self esteem, be careful you don't end up getting hurt when he decides he's no longer bored and had less need to text. Find someone deserving of you.

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 22:52

There is no sexual innuendo in his messages . Just looking forward to meeting up again and doing fun stuff together but if I was in a relationship , cohabiting, I'm not sure I'd be too happy about those plans to invite a close friend .

OP posts:
SharonasCorona · 31/03/2020 22:54

I wouldn't respond at all to suggestive texts from someone in a relationship with another woman. You sound as bad as he is, because you know the texts aren't innocent, even if you're only non-committal in your responses.

Just remember he'll do the same to you one day if you do ever get with him.

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 31/03/2020 22:54

He's paving a way for the sexual stuff.
He's bored, it's a game.

On the off chance there is a future..

Leave it alone, he leaves his relationship and when both single you get together.

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:00

He has ramped it up a little when I told him that I am
Ready to meet someone but his texts are in no way suggestive that he wants me at all only that he is happy for me and looks forward to me Meeting someone lovely . However, his suggestions of doing stuff only on our own have certainly increased . Thanks

OP posts:
billy1966 · 31/03/2020 23:01

He's sleezy and bored...avoid OP.

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:02

Is there no way he could be just friendly and look froward to us meeting again. We are great mates.

OP posts:
msmith501 · 31/03/2020 23:08

Yes he could be - in which case why not request hat his gf make up a threesome with you and you can have a nice social time together without any need for guilt or recriminations. Would he agree to that?

Macncheeseballs · 31/03/2020 23:10

I wouldn't be too happy if my DP was trying to arrange festivals and home drinking sessions with female work colleagues

merryhouse · 31/03/2020 23:11

We all have people we're looking forward to seeing again. Most of us aren't texting them daily, or anything near that.

Block him. At best you're wasting your energy; at worst you're paving the way to cheating.

LagunaBubbles · 31/03/2020 23:12

is there no way he could be just friendly and look froward to us meeting again. We are great mates

No. Don't be so naive.

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:14

No
He wouldn't agree to that . I've suggested that before and she always seems
To be busy.
Plus she doesn't like festivals or pubs or
Sport and we love those occasions amd
Share those
Interests. Apparently , she likes to stay home and clean and cook for them, according to him. She is fulfilled as a home
Maker and doesn't like to socialise .

OP posts:
PerfidiousAlbion · 31/03/2020 23:16

He’s bored and He’s lining you up as a fwb.

Ignore him.

LemonSock · 31/03/2020 23:17

I wouldn’t want to hang out with anyone who had a Surrendered Wife.

JKScot4 · 31/03/2020 23:17

Second the stop pretending to be naive, you’re clearly hoping someone will say txt away it’s innocent.
You know full well it’s not on, would you like it if your bf was behaving like this.

whitesoxx · 31/03/2020 23:24

You're an easy shag he hopes.

You're not great mates, he sees the "friendship" as something to gain from and get his kicks out of.

Stop the texting

whitesoxx · 31/03/2020 23:24

And the fake naïveté

SharonasCorona · 31/03/2020 23:26

his texts are in no way suggestive that he wants me at all only that he is happy for me and looks forward to me Meeting someone lovely

But your OP says his texts are 'No smut but suggestive.' Can you give us some examples of the suggestive texts?

Whatsername177 · 31/03/2020 23:26

The next time he suggests doing something just the two of you, just say 'actually, I dont think that would be very respectful to your girlfriend. I know we are just friends which is cool, but I'd never want to put another woman in a position whereby she might feel disrespected. But hey, if she is up for coming along too then let's do it. I'm sure I can always find a fourth person to join us, make it a double date?.' Then leave it at that. He is testing the water and he is using you. But, it is a two way street. You are uncomfortable, so set your stall out and make sure he knows the answer is no. He will back off from you. His poor girlfriend will be stuck with him though.

msmith501 · 31/03/2020 23:26

You only have his word for how his gf is in terms of what she does and does not like. As she is important to him and as he is a friend of yours and nothing more, I'd pop round once isolation is over and take a cake or similar. Introduce yourself and as he loves her and likes you, it's a win-win! You can tell a lot about someone from how he'll respond to that perfectly innocuous suggestion.

In truth I think you want to believe his version of events and are secretly revelling in the private texting that is going on.

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:27

I am
Not completely convinced that there is something More as we are great friends and often go out for lunches/ drinks/ and visit each other's homes and families. But now that we are apart he is texting a little more asking if we can plan ahead . In view of the fact that there has been something more in the past even though I'm not too sure what THAT was back then, I've come on here for your opinions. I'm certainly not naïve but in view of the newly suggested plans,I did wonder.

No reason to believe otherwise so far except for the suggestions of plans .

OP posts:
Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:31

Suggestive meaning ... when this is all over can we please meet up for a weekend and do xyz...
We need to hang out, just the two of us and do xyz...
Missing our fun, when this is all over we should go to see ( said artist) we've always put it off . We need to live ...

OP posts:
Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:33

So there is nothing in those messages really but maybe he is feeling that we take a lot for granted and should go and do things when we can considering we can't at the moment ? Still
Though, if he was my boyfriend/ partner I wouldn't accept that at all.

OP posts:
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