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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I reading too much into this?

57 replies

only3left · 31/03/2020 22:47

Is this appropriate ?
Colleague and I have a bit of history. Over texting / complementing/ chemistry etc.

He is now in a relationship for the last two years . They are in lockdown together so maybe he is a little bored .
He has been texting me daily asking if we can go out together to a weekend festival / drinking session/ to my home ( I'm
Single)!when lock down is over.

We have a strong texting history which I pulled back on when he got together with his girl. No smut but suggestive. When I speak of other men, he tones it down and wished me the best and looks forward to me meeting someone deserving of
Me ..
He is back To texting daily . I am non commital and reply now and again. Aibu to think there is more than an innocent explanation for this renewed interest or is he bored as hell and full of rubbish.

OP posts:
SharonasCorona · 31/03/2020 23:34

Ok, I think 'suggestive' also means making remarks of a sexual nature. Sounds like he is keeping you dangling. Make a clean break OP. Or ask him outright what his intentions are.

JKScot4 · 31/03/2020 23:36

And when you hang out, is that at his with his happy little wife?
You’ve been told by every pp that it’s not appropriate and you’re still rattling on.
His crap that his gf is a good boring little woman is a forerunner to my wife doesn’t understand me, we never have sex.
Step back and find your own bf.

hambledon · 31/03/2020 23:36

What do you want people to say?

It seems to me you are trying to elicit responses like 'oh yes he really likes you' or 'ooh it sounds like he finds you really alluring in comparison to his fill GF'

Really, honestly, I don't know what kind of response you are after on this thread. It is really, really, really very common for people (mostly men) to flirt with people behind their partner's back. It does not signify a powerful attraction or anything you need to DO something about at all. I guess he is attracted to you, sure. Why wouldn't he be? You are single and you get on well with him.

Just because he is attracted to you means nothing whatsoever, at all, nothing. The most important and really significant question is, do you really like him? The cheat? It is completely up to you to decide what you want from this relationship. Not him.

He likes you, that goes without saying. But he has a girlfriend and you have high standards (don't you?)You don't want to flirt, let alone have a fling with someone who has to lie to his girlfriend. Let it go. He's interested in you but you're not interested in him because you have a normal level of self esteem. The end.

thefourgp · 31/03/2020 23:38

You’re an ego boost for him. If he wanted to be with you, he’d be with you.

Grumpos · 31/03/2020 23:40

Sounds like he is bored

Put it this way - do you think he would be happy to show his partner all of your messages? Would he or even you be uncomfortable with her reading though your conversations?

If he would be completely happy for her to read them and to even join a day / night out with you both then it’s probably all legit.

If you feel uncomfortable at the thought of her reading your messages then it’s most likely bordering on inappropriate.

Messages don’t have to be sexual or smutty to be inappropriate or disrespectful to his relationship. It completely depends on how open he is with his partner

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:43

Tjamks @hambledon .
You may all think that I am naïve but the truth is that he is mad about his girlfriend and talks about her loads .
When I posted this, it was not for anyone to say ... oh he really
Likes you... my esteem
Is higher than that. We do like each other an awful lot as mates but i did feel that this was crossing a red line a bit but then I thought he was just bored or lonely or missing the fun. I did wonder if it was a bit suggestive in view of our history. He is very in love .she adores him and fulfils his needs , needs that I certainly could not fulfil in terms of waiting hand and foot on someone and loving it .

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 31/03/2020 23:46

You still have not answers repeated questions;
Do you go to his house when the gf is in?
Would you want her to read his msgs?
All the gf is amazing crap is is to lure you in 🙄
Please stop the little miss naive act, it’s wearing thin.

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:46

He has lots of female friends and adores them all. He has said in the past that he absolutely refuses to lose his female
Friends because of a relationship and I guess she has accepted that. He has been honest with her .we are particularly close . I wouldn't be happy with his suggestions if I was in a relationship but I guess she is ?

OP posts:
whitesoxx · 31/03/2020 23:47

Oh god. Here's the competitive streak. Oh I'm fuuun, he's missing the fun I bring.

She's all housewifey and dowdy and he needs to live. Grab life.

Utter bollocks, you sound like that song "don't marry her"

He'd shag you but he's not interested to put it bluntly. Ten a penny blokes like him

CandyLeBonBon · 31/03/2020 23:47

He sounds like a player op.

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:48

I haven't been to his house when his gf is in . She is often busy he says .

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 31/03/2020 23:48

Yes. HE says.

CandyLeBonBon · 31/03/2020 23:48

He's playing you all.

JKScot4 · 31/03/2020 23:49

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And there we go!!
Always busy yet never goes out!
Stop being a fuckin idiot, you know exactly what’s going on, tbh you’re as sleazy as him.

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:49

She is not housewifey or dowdy ,she is a beautiful woman.
That's not an issue at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:50

@JKScot4 I'm Certainly not sleazy.

OP posts:
Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:51

Amd
Certainly not a fucking idiot @JKScot4

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 31/03/2020 23:54

OP
if it’s all so innocent why are you here?
The fake naïveté, believing his bullshit.
Every single pp has seen through him and you’re still pretending ‘oh we are pals’
He said his gf never wants to go out yet miraculously you’ve been to his house and lo and behold she’s never in!
He tells you he’s madly in love whilst trying to meet up alone with you.
He’s an attention seeking prick and you’re boosting his ego.
Have some decency and respect forwards his gf & cut him off.

SharonasCorona · 31/03/2020 23:56

I wouldn't be happy with his suggestions if I was in a relationship but I guess she is ?

Maybe she doesn't know. If he has a password on his phone, how would she read his texts?

He has lots of female friends and adores them all.
we are particularly close .

Sounds like he's keeping lots of women hanging.

Original poster
only3left · 31/03/2020 23:59

I am here to figure out if his contact is appropriate in terms
Of Female/ male Friendships

OP posts:
Original poster
only3left · 01/04/2020 00:01

If
She read his texts she would see that he is missing his friend and wants to meet up after this lock down to share and enjoy mutual
Interests. She would see nothing smutty or sleazy

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 01/04/2020 00:02

And every single pp has said it’s not, so you are an idiot or hoping someone will give you the green light.
Jesus wept 🙄🙄

whitesoxx · 01/04/2020 00:06

"he is missing his friend and wants to meet up after this lock down to share and enjoy mutual Interests."

Oh well that's alright then 😂 crack on OP. You're clearly going to. Then you'll tell yourself he's hankering after you and that it's different Envy. Back off. He's taken

SharonasCorona · 01/04/2020 00:08

Yeah none of this is computing for me so I'm bowing out.

Original poster
only3left · 01/04/2020 00:20

I'm
So surprised at the personal insults.I'm
Not full of naïveté. I
Came on here because I'm wondering if there was more than met the eye or if I was reading into it a bit more . I take
Your opinions on board but I don't see the need to be so insulting 😳

OP posts:
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