Why can't my DC eat what I bloody cook!!

[MamaInNeed]

So we're having to "ration" food, and time spent preparing it, because DH and I are having to work more (key workers). We can't always get the foods our teenage DCs like, and we don't have time to cook 2 or 3 different meals a night. They can't cook without supervision, so they have to wait for us to be available. I made a shepherd's pie tonight. My 15yo ate some of the potato and the vegetables on the side. My 12yo picked at the potato and refused everything else. I told them to eat it or go hungry. They both decided to go hungry. I've got a casserole for tomorrow, I doubt they'll eat that either. They literally eat rice, pasta and vegetarian freezer foods. They refuse almost all meat, even chicken nuggets. They haven't eaten fish in 8 years. They don't like dairy. It can't have too much sugar. AIBU to want them to eat like normal people? They're living off fruit, vegetables and carbs. No protein at all. WTF do I do??

Honestly, I used to be more of the mindset of some of the posters here suggesting you cater to them, meal plan with then etc but I've lost all patience with this approach the fussier people seem to have become in general.

There are some few foods that some people just really don't like. Fine. Give them two or three permanent vetoes each if you're feeling generous (by which I mean, for example "olives, oranges and ginger" not "meat, daily and fish") but otherwise you cook what you cook and they can eat it or not. It's ridiculous that you and your DH are running yourselves ragged while also trying to cater to two nearly grown up faddy eaters. Just stop doing it. You're not doing them any favours.

Christ. If they don't eat what they are given they can either
A, go hungry
B, get a job to buy and cook the food they like.

What a bloody pair!

I work in a supermarket, there's no need to ration and there's currently no issue with food supply except due to the crazy demand on a select number of long life products and toilet roll. Most supermarkets are lifting the restrictions that were in place for those products as things have calmed down considerably. Particularly fresh food and produce, the shelves are full. So fussy eaters can eat what they like. You just need to shop carefully to minimise your number of trips.

It's ridiculous that you and your DH are running yourselves ragged while also trying to cater to two nearly grown up faddy eaters.

Is being a vegetarian faddy, though?

I was vegetarian for a few years as a teenager and I'm eternally grateful that my parents "humoured" me as it were. You can adapt pretty much any meal to be vegetarian - just serve the sides as normal and stick some vegetarian grills or quorn bits in the oven instead of meat.

Teenagers shouldn't be forced to eat meat/fish if they don't want to. They're old enough to make their own choices.

OP seems to have been vanished but i wonder if it is that they want to be vegetarian but are finding it difficult to talk to you about it?

the "it's this or nothing brigade" - i was at boarding school where this was the default option every meal every day. And loads of us had a form of eating disorder by the time we left. It's not helpful, especially if it really is about being vegetarian.

In general i do abhor food wastage but one way to cut that down is to discuss, as a family, what meals are ok and what not. Not everyone has to be happy with it every day, but you should aim for mostly happy most of the time.

vanillaandhoney Yes, being a vegetarian is faddy if you expect someone else to put themselves out to accommodate you. That goes for family eating and dinner parties etc.

If you want to eat differently from the rest of the family (or other gathering) for anything other than a medical reason, and you are considered old enough to make that choice, then you need to take responsibility for cooking for yourself.

That is absolutely fine in my book and older children should be encouraged to learn how to cook for themselves, but part of learning to be a useful adult is not putting upon other people more than necessary, even if you are lucky enough to have a very accommodating mother or host.

Couldn’t the 15 year old supervise the 12 year old, if the former having physical difficulties and the latter having attention difficulties is the problem ! . Or rather, not them having the difficulties but your anxiety over them doing this unsupervised - which will have to be tackled at some point.

If they don’t to eat meat, fish or dairy, it’s not ok to force them. Surely it is easier and cheaper to eat vegetarian anyway! Teach them to cook for you all.

That's crazy. You eat what what's cooked or eat fruit/toast/cereal. I wouldn't be cooking a second meal.

My two ds 14 and 20 will eat almost anything and are very adventurous so a joy to cook for.
My two sd are horrendous to feed, particularly the 16 yo. 18 yo not so much anymore.
Pre CV if I or dh cooked something sd 16 was unlikely to eat, dh would prepare something else for her or leave something for her to cook. We'd never adapt our tastes for a fussy child.
Now, mid CV, that shit doesn't fly. I'm not working during it so am cooking every dinner and dh is usually in the shower after work when I dish up to the 4 dcs. We eat in shifts due to space.
This has worked brilliantly, she's eating every meal and we've not given her other options, just got tougher about not wasting food. She ate lentils last night (other than baked potato and beans I don't think she's ever had a meat free meal whereas the rest of us love veggie food)
So my advice being, keep doing what you're doing, no waste. At very worst I'd allow beans on toast to be made by themselves if they really could not stand what you'd cooked.

Yes, being a vegetarian is faddy if you expect someone else to put themselves out to accommodate you. That goes for family eating and dinner parties etc.

We'll have to agree to disagree then. Making meals vegetarian is really, really easy. I mean, it's not difficult to put in some quorn sausages alongside pork ones if you're making toad in the hole, for example. If the meals can't easily be made vegetarian, they can make a simple pasta dish or just have toast/sandwiches/cereal.

Yes, being a vegetarian is faddy if you expect someone else to put themselves out to accommodate you. That goes for family eating and dinner parties etc.

Blimey, that's mean. To be fair to the OP she doesn't say if they are vegetarian or have asked her to prepare vegetarian food. I'd have asked mine if it became obvious though.

When my DC got a bit fussy i persuaded my DH that dishing everything up in the kitchen was a daft and wasteful idea. So we put the food in serving dishes and everyone could help themselves. If you put it on your plate you had to eat it. That way we knew what was wat and nobody was being forced to eat something they didn't like/want. is that an option, OP?

FFS, calling disabled children “little shits” and advocating starving them just because vegetarians don’t want to eat meat.

Ludicrous for the OP to be using lockdown as a chance to try to force feed vegetarians meat. But then MN has a weird anti-vegetarian hostility.

FFS, calling disabled children “little shits” and advocating starving them just because vegetarians don’t want to eat meat.

Ludicrous for the OP to be using lockdown as a chance to try to force feed vegetarians meat. But then MN has a weird anti-vegetarian hostility.

Trust them to cook. They’ll learn quickly dyspraxia or not. It’s only a couple of years until the older one is off to university. Much kinder to let him learn now. They manage. Worse thing they drop something and are a bit messy. They get better at it.
Remove their cotton wool layer. Buy a vegetarian cookbook and basic baking cookbook via Amazon and set them to work. It will help with boredom too. They might end up as skilled bread or pasta makers who are much in demand in early adulthood.

Did they really go hungry though? Or did they help themselves to biscuits and crisps from the cupboard? If the latter stop buying that shit, allow them to really get hungry and, as long as you don't cook them things that they really hate (we are all entitled to have our dislikes) then they will soon start eating what you put in front of them. Might be a good idea to get them involved in the cooking too.

A 15 year old who cannot prepare simple meals is at a huge disadvantage.

The 15yo has dyspraxia though, which will have a huge impact on her abilities.

TLDR

They're taking the piss.

Make food, give food to kids. They have two menu choices: the meal you prepared, or nothing.

They'll learn.

Do not allow yourself to be trampled all over because you've tried to be nice.

as long as you don't cook them things that they really hate

Like meat, fish, dairy and sugary things? :)

These children like fruit, vegetables, rice, other carbs and aren't obsessed with sugar. Can't see the problem, really - a lot of people would be bragging about this.

Jacket potato, beans and salad, lentil/veg chilli (the tinned Stagg veggie chilli is nice and might fulfil the OP's wish to provide calories out of a packet or tin), tin of chickpeas, jar of curry sauce and a handful of spinach chucked in at the end, potato curry, pasta with vegan pesto and salad, jacket sweet potato or wedges, vegan cheese, beanburgers, roast dinner with a big slice of sage and onion stuffing - the list is endless.

Can't abide this bullshit off kids just leave them to eat it or go hungry they'll soon start eating it. Persevere Op

What's the point in forcing food onto people if they don't like it? Our 7yo eats a really wide variety of foods but only because we don't force it on her. She's currently not liking sausages, fine. We still eat sausages and mash, she will have some fish fingers or something cooked at the same time. It's not a faff. She will try a bit of something again after a while and she either still doesn't like it or finds that her tastes have changed and she will like it again. Noone would accept an adult being told to eat it or starve, why should kids have to eat what they don't like provided they have a varied diet. Plenty of suggestions above for non-meat meals.

DH and I have been buying non-meat mince and chicken substitute cos for chilli, fajitas, curry etc it really doesn't change the dish and it's cheaper.

Maybe OP should try changing their diet, or would that be a ridiculous suggestion despite being exactly what people are advocating the kids should do?

My DH didn't like the food his mum cooked. His mum rightly refused to capitulate so He got a job at 15 and bought and cooked his own food and ate with the family. Now he's a bloody amazing cook