Why can't my DC eat what I bloody cook!!

[MamaInNeed]

So we're having to "ration" food, and time spent preparing it, because DH and I are having to work more (key workers). We can't always get the foods our teenage DCs like, and we don't have time to cook 2 or 3 different meals a night. They can't cook without supervision, so they have to wait for us to be available. I made a shepherd's pie tonight. My 15yo ate some of the potato and the vegetables on the side. My 12yo picked at the potato and refused everything else. I told them to eat it or go hungry. They both decided to go hungry. I've got a casserole for tomorrow, I doubt they'll eat that either. They literally eat rice, pasta and vegetarian freezer foods. They refuse almost all meat, even chicken nuggets. They haven't eaten fish in 8 years. They don't like dairy. It can't have too much sugar. AIBU to want them to eat like normal people? They're living off fruit, vegetables and carbs. No protein at all. WTF do I do??

Being dyspraxic is not an excuse not to do stuff, my 15 year old DS is also dyspraxic and I know it's a frightening experience letting him loose in the kitchen, but what are you going to do when they leave home? Insist they come back every night for dinner? You're being ridiculous, let them learn to cook in a safe environment with you keeping an eye on stuff to help in case of emergency. It might not be how you would do it, but they will find there way.
If they are vege, stop trying to make them eat meat and find substitutes they will eat. I feel like I'm being hard on you, but really it's not rocket science is it?

Child one eats beans child two won't
Child one eats sausages child two won't
Child one won't eat cheese child two will
Child one and two won't eat stew
Child one won't eat butter child two will
Both children will eat spaghet Bolognese
Neither will eat sweet and sour chicken
Child one won't eat rice child two will
Child one will eat tinned hoops/spaghetti child two won't

Neither will eat veggie burgers
They eat fish fingers

So yeah I feel your pain. Always trying to fees everyone something they like

I never cooked more than one meal when my DC were growing up. The meals had to fit in with DD1's horrific allergies, and if they didn't eat it, they went hungry. Why are you still pandering to them? If they don't want to eat what you cook, then they have to cook for themselves - and then take on the family cooking, since you and your DH are working more.

You need to help your 15 year old learn ways to deal with the dyspraxia, or else they will never become a functioning adult. You should have done this already, tbf. And if the 12 year old forgets their meal in the oven and it burns, then they won't forget again, as they will be hungry.

They are vegetarians. Why not switch to veggie dishes then? Lots of lovely things to cook and very healthy for all of you.

I've coped with a vegetarian and a meat lover by cooking veggie dishes and having a piece of meat on the side for my DS or having quorn instead.

but what are you going to do when they leave home? Insist they come back every night for dinner?

I mean, google exists, it's not hard to follow a recipe and look up any words you don't know. Or maybe they just aren't interested in cooking and when they move out they still won't be interested!

My kids are equally fussy. I'm just cooking them the simple stuff they eat (pasta, rice, a bit of meat, pizza etc). I'd be so happy if they ate shepherd's pie or casserole!

In our house, DD (14) is very fussy about food at times, and has SEN so its something she can control when other things are out of control, so we have had to learn to adapt for her.

But she will put together things herself (and has got better at actually cooking in the past year).

I think, if they won't eat meat, you have to accept that. And either do plenty of veg on the side that they will eat and only make enough of a meat dish for you and DH, or so much that you have dinner for you both for 2 nights.

Can you get them to organise salads and prepare things for cooking, even if not start the cooking until you get home - maybe a meal like burgers (meat for you, veggie for them), salad and oven chips/wedges/baked potatoes?

Do you have any freezer space? Could you make a batch of a veggie chilli or veggie curry some night, and freeze a few portions for another dinner or 2 for them? Do the same with a meat curry/chilli another night, but give them the defrosted veggie version, and you put away a few meat portions for you and DH on a future night. So you start a cycle of only cooking 1 pot but reheating a second while rice cooks, and you feed everyone.

Can you do a pasta sauce filled with veggies, but maybe grill or fry the meat separately, and add that to the sauce after you plate up the DC portions?

If DC 12 can use the oven, there may be nights they could put together a dinner of "beige" food - oven chips/baked potatoes/wedges (potato or sweet potato) along with stuffed peppers/stuffed mushroom/veggie patties for them and battered fish/chicken kievs/chicken joints quickly roasted etc for you and DH. Maybe with some frozen veg to be cooked on the stove at the last minute.

Are there any conveniences like the ready-to-microwave rice, or fast cook pasta, or similar, on the shelves at home or in supermarkets you can get to? Even if not normal fare in your house, they may be useful as a temporary measure.

It's so hard when you come in worn out from work in general, and having to face into dealing with food issues, but if the DC won't eat meat normally, I can't see them starting now.

Some of the responses on here are quite hard on the OP. Although I can see that it would be good if the children learn to cook, right now is a really bad time to risk essential foodstuffs.

Be kind to yourself OP. When this is finished, get the children to learn how to make a few things.

2 solutions:

1. They eat what is made or go hungry for the forseaable

1. Whilst that is in place, start teaching them how to cook simple dishes. Make sure they understand the reasons why they can't have free choice and get them to make up daily menus based on what is in the cupboard. They can make shopping lists too.

They only get to eat meals they like if they help plan and cook them. Google should help them. If they take it seriously you won't need to give much input.

"It's not fair" earns a reminder of the seriousness of COVID 19.

So cook veg or Vegan meals. I like quorn mince and use it for lots of meals

Firstly, what they leave is served up for breakfast/lunch tomorrow. Don't let them waste food.

Secondly they need to start helping out. Surely between them they can manage a simple meal. The older one can be in charge of timings, following the recipie and the younger one can do the lifting/cutting/stirring etc. Let them do it the first few times when you and DH are present to provide distant supervision.

They could also do things like salad - no cooking involved, some cutting.

If you have them use the microwave for as much as possible that reduces risks, as it beeps when finished. You can do beans on toast, soup, scrambled eggs, etc in a microwave. With a bit of thought you can do a full meal in a microwave although it doesn't brown things.

A slow cooker would also be safe for them to use. The younger one could do any chopping, the older one could develop their skills by measuring cold ingredients etc.

I would insist that they prepare at least one meal a week. Not only is it an important skill and a way they can contribute to the household it will also make them a bit more appreciative of the effort you are going to.

Can they also help by doing an online shop for you to collect? It might show them the difficulties with getting things like pasta.

they can learn to make easy stuff to suit their tastes - soup, stir fry, basic veg n rice dishes, add some chickpeas in......
get them to learn with you when you're cooking, no point cooking dishes that end up going to waste.

If they are veggie YABVU to expect them to eat meat.

The eat or you'll starve doesn't always work. My mum tried it and I ended up under consultant care as I stopped eating altogether. Some children will literally starve, especially if they have textural issues like i did. Even now i will not eat rather than eat something i don't like.

Let those little shits go hungry and lock up all the snacks so they can't guzzle those. No cereal, no toast - little ingrates.
No way I'd put up with that nonsense from mine.

exactly this

They eat what is offered or go hungry, a couple of days should do it. I have no time for serving different meals to fussy eaters. It starts aged 3. You might have left it a bit late, If the shepherds pie got picked over and left I would say nothing at all. Not your problem you provided a nutritious meal. Ignore them

@madcatladyforever if only it was that easy? DH is picky and his mum didn’t want to pander to him but after 5 days of her 8 year old not eating anything she had to give in and ‘put up with his nonsense’. I have seen him go hungry for 48 hours despite there being food as it wasn’t food he liked.

They are growing teens who need protein in their diet. We know more about nutrition now than years gone by so whilst the easy thing to do is say eat what you're given or don't eat it really isn't that simple. Maybe sit them down and ask them to come up with some meal ideas which meet your criteria on preparation/cooking time, cost, nutritional balance etc.

These are difficult times OP.

You are too busy for this.

Let them eat pasta and rice until it comes out their ears..who cares...

I think if you could agree a list of snacks for them...lots of popcorn...plenty of the healthier cereals to graze on.

Buy fruit and veg and let them at it.

Will they eat eggs?

Will they peel potatoes?

Peeled chopped potatoes, sprinkled with olive oil and spices, beans and a poached egg was dinner here last night...

Healthiest meal ever...no

But they were fed.

Appetites have changed in the lockdown.

Don't let it be the stress point in the house.

My son likes to have pasta cooked in a stock cube, with a bit of butter and grated parmesan........I let him off...can't be arguing about food.

As long as they are not hungry they'll survive.

Pick up a good multivitamin when you get a chance to help you feel better..

I'd get them to cook you dinner. From 12, I cooked the family dinner most nights for 6 of us so it was ready when my Mum got home from work.

I have seen DH go hungry for 48hrs as there wasn't food he liked

That's his tough shit, then, isn't it. If the food supply breaks down further these people are going to have to get over themselves pretty fucking quickly they already bloody should with it all in the state it is in atm imo

I don't want to eat certain stuff and shouldn't because I'm diabetic. I'm sucking it up and trying to manage my carbs/offset them with exercise because that's all we have and we want to minimise going out. DH won't let me go to the shops and I'd rather have some pasta than him die of Coronavirus getting food when we have perfectly good food in the house.

So people fannying about with 'not liking it' wouldn't hold any weight with me. Eat it or don't would be my answer.

If you stop trying to force animal products on kids who clearly don't want to eat them, your life will be a ton easier. Plenty of protein in vegetables, lots in beans and pulses. Give them a b12 supplement. Meal plan with them. Don't make food a battle.

I'm having a similar problem with my 3yr old & the baby. Now im just making the meal and leaving it in front of the toddler (always including at least one "safe" food he will eat eg pasta"). The baby won't take a spoon so I just dump stuff on the high chair tray and it's up to her.

Maybe try this approach on the teens.....

Is your 15yo hoping to go to university? Or live alone as an adult?

You need to start teaching them how to feed themselves. Their cooking plans might look differently from those of a 15yo without dyspraxia, and it's something you will probably have to work through with him. But if you never help him develop it, he'll never be able to deal with it independently.

I made a shepherd's pie tonight. My 15yo ate some of the potato and the vegetables on the side. My 12yo picked at the potato and refused everything else. I told them to eat it or go hungry. They both decided to go hungry. I've got a casserole for tomorrow, I doubt they'll eat that either.

Yes, because they don't want to eat meat! So why do you keep insisting on feeding it to them? At 12 and 15 they're old enough to decide if they want to be vegetarian. Just dish up your normal meals and give them the vegetable sides. They won't waste away on a meat-free diet.

If you're worried about protein, there are plenty of vegetarian sources of protein - baked beans, chickpeas, eggs, cheese, lentils, oats, soy milk and nut butters all contain plenty of protein and are all healthy foods.

It seems to me that you're making things into way more of a drama than they need to be. Get them involved in meal planning and stop trying to force them to eat things they don't like. They're not toddlers.

Same. Mine are a bit younger - 3 and 7 year old. All 3 of us pescatarian. But I still have the same issue.

I cooked Cottege pie, fresh salmon, and smoked haddock recently. All with potatoes in various forms and different veg. 90% was left on their plates, such an upsetting waste. If I bribe them to swallow it, the eldest will sometimes vomit - causing youngest to vomit afterwards.

Yesterday I got so peeved off I cooked sausage stew with crispy potato topping just for me - and they had pasta, tin of tomatoes, cut up quorn hotdog sausages and tinned sweetcorn - all mixed together with cheese on top (yuck) They devoured it and asked for more twice. No wasted food. Full bellies.

They're having frozen pizza tonight and I'll bung some quorn chicken, red pepper and extra cheese on it.

I can't stand the waste. Asked my parents (who need to shop for me at the moment) to just get what they'll eat.