Why can't my DC eat what I bloody cook!!

[MamaInNeed]

So we're having to "ration" food, and time spent preparing it, because DH and I are having to work more (key workers). We can't always get the foods our teenage DCs like, and we don't have time to cook 2 or 3 different meals a night. They can't cook without supervision, so they have to wait for us to be available. I made a shepherd's pie tonight. My 15yo ate some of the potato and the vegetables on the side. My 12yo picked at the potato and refused everything else. I told them to eat it or go hungry. They both decided to go hungry. I've got a casserole for tomorrow, I doubt they'll eat that either. They literally eat rice, pasta and vegetarian freezer foods. They refuse almost all meat, even chicken nuggets. They haven't eaten fish in 8 years. They don't like dairy. It can't have too much sugar. AIBU to want them to eat like normal people? They're living off fruit, vegetables and carbs. No protein at all. WTF do I do??

Mine help choose the meals and then they either eat it or go hungry. Now is not a time to be fussy. I wasn't in the mood for cooking tonight so chopped up some new potatoes, courgettes and onion, fried them in sesame oil and added egg with some cheese, took ten minutes and they ate it up with no complaints, they are liking trying new foods. They probably eat better now then they did before because we can't pop in for a pizza on the way home. We will be carrying on with it when this is over.

Allergies aside, fussiness will soon die a death.

Eat it or go without should stand.

They are assuming that you will cave before they do, so dont. Really dont. Forget fucking homeschooling, this is the biggest lesson you will teach them.

They are assuming that you will cave before they do, so dont. Really dont.

I used to think this way. My eldest works like this.

My youngest remains un-broken. He has apologised (as in for proper bad behaviour, not just politeness) once in his entire life (to me, for accidentally head-butting my nose and making me cry/bleed). He would make himself ill or be force-fed rather than eat things he's decided he doesn't like. We have to wait for him to change his mind (which works. he's come round to sushi, cheese on pizza, we just have to wait for him, you can't force it). I won't do separate meals, but I will make sure there's something he'll eat in the family meal (ie. choosing my battles)

I’d be teaching the 12 yr old not to get distracted, that’s a poor excuse. Do you normally cook 3 different meals?
You need to train them to be self sufficient.

Also stop trying to force meat on them.

Everyone eats what I cook here or they can cook their own or they can go without. The choice is theirs

Your 12 yo can boil pasta. The 15 yo can put some frozen or tinned veg in the microwave. They can combine and season and make a very basic dinner. You can then concentrate on cooking for you and your DH

Dyspraxia- so how the fuck are they going to survive out on their own as a young adult at uni or wherever? Start teaching them to cook now.

Forget to take out of the oven - fucks sake it's simple, alarm on their phone, every time. I always set an alarm on my phone and I'm 34 years old.

They are well old enough to cook basic meals for themselves. Stop babying them. Maybe you're precious about them making mess or wasting food? Yes mistakes will be made but that is how they learn. Unclench! You might even be proud of them.

To support all of the above, seriously reduce the complexity of the meals you are expecting them to make. Cheese on toast is fine. Add a simple salad with nuts and seeds for protein. Olive oil with salt and pepper makes a great salad dressing for healthy fat. The salad can be cucumber cubes and quartered tomatoes. Grate a sodding carrot even!

Get a slow cooker. A cheap one even
Even a novice cook can read a recipe and dump stuff in. Use a no-fry recipe, no need to fanny about browning stuff off. Do it together with the DC in the morning. Let them feel a sense of pride from actually cooking something. A simple tomato based dish with random chopped veg, couple handful of lentils and some spices would do it!

Microwave baked potatoes and beans. If you don't want them using the stove top or a knife there are still plenty of ways they can feed themselves. Even scrambled eggs are fine in the microwave.

Stop fannying about in the kitchen making shepherds pies OP and stop pandering.. it is not necessary.

My parents never let me in the kitchen, had serious issues when I left home as couldn't bloody cook! It's a life skill. You mean well OP. Help them develop it.

I agree with PippaPegg. I know a 36yo that can barely make anything other than pot noodles and sandwiches. I think she can now make 2 dishes, but these have only been learnt in the last 1-2yrs. Chicken stir-fry and lasagne. You do them no favours by nannying them.

The lasagne is probably made with jar sauces too.

Are they actually vegetarian - if so, YABU to only provide meat-based dinners unless it actually is literally the only foodstuff you could get your hands on and it is that or starve.
I'd suggest not serving the meat and buying them each a large block of cheese and including lots of peas and some peanut butter/baked beans/tinned lentil soup in your meal plans each week.

Erm, carbs, veg and fruit is my ideal diet.

Sorry, OP. I’d just make what you and DH want but incorporate dishes they will eat into your own meals and make less of the part you know they don’t like.

I think it’s time for them to cook. Especially the 15 year old. I appreciate it will be more challenging but they need to start practicing. I’m dyspraxic and so is my partner, we find repeated practice of things are very helpful. Surely they can start small with Welsh rarebit, noodles, quorn sausages and beans etc

On the one hand, they need to appreciate what is cooked for them and realise that at the moment,it isn't always easy to get hold of the food we want.

It does sound like they are vegetarian though so maybe meat dishes aren't the best idea?

Can they go shopping for you? Maybe not the full shop but for some things just to make it easier on you?

Although the 15 year old has dyspraxia, she will need to be able to cook so now might be a good time to get her learning. Simple things like boiling pasta and stirring in a pasta sauce should be doable. The 12 year old can help. When you are home, whenever you cook, get her involved. Have a look online for some resources to help dyspraxic people with tasks such as cooking. Someone.I went to uni with was severely dyspraxic but he had learnt to cook.

The 12 year old needs to step up -at 12, I could cook basic meals using things from the freezer? Beans on toast etc. Even basic bolognese.

Get them involved in the cooking and meal planning. If you know they dont like meat you cant force them to eat it. Add lentils, chickpeas, beans instead of mince for protein. It's cheaper and easier to get at the minute anyway.

Also, the dyspraxic teenager needs to learn to cook. I'm autistic, comes with similar coordination issues, I burn myself sometimes, drop things sometimes, but I can cook and feed myself, it's an important life skill she needs. You're not helping by protecting her from it, I mean that in the kindest possible way.

I didn't learn to cook at home because I wasn't interested. I got anorexia at 11, so avoided anything to do with food or food prep. If I was told to go hungry, I would! At least it would make me skinny!!

Once I moved out, I lived on toast and cereal, fruit, chocolate, bacon sandwiches, tea, coffee, peanut butter on crackers, ready meals... But cook like an actual meal? Forget about it. I didn't eat healthily at qll, but I ate little enough that I stayed skinny.

I can cook now, but if I didn't have a DC, I wouldn't bother. I don't enjoy cooking, I don't enjoy cleaning up afterwards, I don't like putting effort into something that will be eaten. I hate having dinner every day, dinner is my least favourite meal. Just give me toast, tea, and a banana, easy.

The lasagne is probably made with jar sauces too.

And!?

Can't believe neither can turn on an oven and heat a basic meal. Jacket potatoes, quiche, pizza or boil pasta and stir in a sauce, stir fry and noodles. Weather is getting warmer so salads?

They are key workers currently struggling for time to teach and supervise cooking. A dyspraxic child would need very close supervision especially with boiling water or sharp knives.

Microwavable ready meals just to get you through this tough time? They can do it or at least it's quick for you and will make life a bit easier. You can address their cooking skills when the covid issue calms down.

Unless your DC are going into sheltered residential accomodation after they leave home they will need to be able to prepare food for themselves.

There are such things as raw diets, they can be vegetarian and you can incorporate what they like, you need to be flexible op.

Rather than battle with them, be positive. Start with what they WILL eat which sounds healthy to me.

Get some recipe books out ( or get them to look online) and ask them to earmark what they're interested in and jot down ingredients.

Involved them in writing a shopping list, and in the food preparation. Get them to think about alternatives if what they want is not available.

Great sources of protein are nuts and seeds which do not need to be cooked but added in to a plate of pasta and vegetables. Pasta or diced potatoes or rice or beans/ lentils or hard-boiled eggs can be mixed with mayo and other things such as soya sauce if you don't want them heating anything up, you just have to be creative.

You can eat carrots whole after you have washed them so make them staples, along with apples, bananas and tomatoes.

Add in peanuts and cashews to rice or pasta dishes and you will have a very tasty, healthy meal.

Empower your DC op to make healthy choices themselves. Then when they have got confidence they will be happy to have dinner ready for you when you get home, is what mine do, same age although mine have been happily preparing meals since they could hold a knife and fork! We used to play cafes when they were toddlers and it quickly went from play food items on a plate to real ones and would ask me what I'd like on a pretend 'menu'.

Big bags of sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds etc are inexpensive when bought online.

Bring back the fun and take the pressure off. Good luck.

Do what my parents did like every single parent in the 80s..lock up all snacks etc. Cook one family meal. If not eaten they go hungry but csn have an apple thats all. Within two days unless theres a medical reason all children were eating the family meal. Otherwise get your children involved in the family meal cooking

I don’t eat meat or fish and I get plenty of protein, don’t worry too much about that. Have you tried asking what they’d like to eat so that you can focus your attention on those meals rather than cooking things they’re not interested in?

So they are vegetarian and you are trying to impose an omni diet on them and are surprised they won’t eat the meat

15 and 12 is more than old enough to sit down and go through a bit of a meal plan.

We gave DC a pen and paper and made them write a list of meals that they would eat. I think we asked for 20 which was too much but they managed a dozen. They had to agree that both would eat them.

We then used that as the basis of family meals.

I used to make meat and veggie versions of each meal when we had 2 and 2 but now it's all veggie as DH is out numbered.