To ask how the hell you got your child to fall asleep independently?

[Goostacean]

As per title... DS is almost 4mo, specifically 16 weeks. We have a predictable schedule but he feeds or bounces (yoga ball) to sleep. It can take up to 20mins, which is not working for me with a 2yo at home as well.

What did you do?!

Please don’t tell me “that’s just how it is”, as usually happens on sleep-related threads

I cuddled my girls to sleep until they became too old for the cuddling to work. I think about 12 months or so when they could pull themselves up and wonder off. Then we moved to laying them down after a story and milk, kissing good night and leaving the room. Dd1 the screamed bloody murder, so I would go back and resettle her, leave the room and she'd scream again. I always went back in after 60 seconds - so it ended up being a soft form of controlled crying. After a week, she went to bed without any fuss. Dd2 just turns over and goes to sleep. There was never any crying, just a little charming then she is out like a light. At 4 months, just enjoy the cuddles.

Just to reiterate, looking for solutions to a nap issue that affects my relationship with my eldest as well as my health when I can’t get two minutes to go to the bloody loo (like today). Happy for those who have been/are better mothers than I and want to hold their baby to sleep for literally years. To add, baby came out just short of 5kgs and now fills 6-9mo clothing, despite being under 4mo. My back is killing me!

A little chatting^ not charming!

Not saying it was right but just used to leave them and they soon settled.
I couldn't be doing with letting them rule the nest, so when toddlers it was a quick cuddle and off to sleep.

He is tiny and wants to be close to you.

Me or dp still lie down with our 5 year old. We relish the time with her, especially as we work full time.

I get that it's stressful, OP, and odds are l'll be posting something similar before the year is out (second DC due in September) but what you're asking is essentially, 'How can I get my four month old to stop acting like a four month old?'

Yessss How can I get my four month old to stop acting like a four month old?, you’ve nailed it!

If it hasn't been suggested, might sling work so you can have your hands free.

Controversial but stopped breastfeeding (sorry!) and moved to ff, which meant we could get into a decent routine. Swaddle, dummy, white noise, dark room and patting her chest like a heartbeat (was gradually able to wean off of this). No matter how much she cried or protested I wouldn’t pick her up, but I also didn’t leave her. Just patted and quietly told her I was there.

This worked for us, however I’m expecting number 2 in August and I’m prepared for a totally different experience!

@Whatsername177 unfortunately I don’t want to use the sling, partly because he’s so so heavy for his age and partly because nights are currently going well in the cot so I don’t want to break that association. Thanks for the suggestion though!

@Sipperskipper Interesting, how long did that approach take?

@Goostacean Hi, I wondered if you managed to resolve this? I have no problem with feeding my 4 month old to sleep in theory, but he doesn't sleep longer than 3 hour stretches (more like 2.5 hours or shorter) and I feel if he could get to sleep on his own this would make them longer. Currently in 4 month regression as day naps have decreased to 30-45mins

My son is three next month and still has to be sung to sleep. My 4year old self settled from 1 ish. 🙈

Babies wake up every 45 min because that is how long their sleep cycles are. Start controlled crying. Because if you are soothing baby everytime he wakes he will not learn to self sooth. Which is important if you want him to learn to sleep

Shush ...pat...gradual retreat. no eye-contact. controlled crying, ie going back in but longer and longer apart.

I can't imagine the lack of sleep with a four month old that doesn't self-settle. The four weeks and six weeks that my babies took till they were sleeping through were the worst part of child rearing. I always changed and fed them before I went to bed. A baby that is nursed to sleep will have trouble self-settling because as far as it is concerned it was with mum and then suddenly it wakes up alone. I always put my babies down awake if I could. When I was initially getting up in the middle of the night to feed them I had a routine with minimal interaction, no playing or talking with the lights low etc. They soon learnt that fun times with mum were a day time event. They knew I would come at night for them if they really cried but it wasn't really worth it for them to make the effort because it wasn't much fun. I wouldn't leave a child to scream itself into a frenzy but wouldn't rush in either. A child has to learn to self-settle sooner or later - so your might as well as encourage it earlier. The wife of one of my colleagues who kept getting up every night to see to their crying child was so exhausted she fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a brick wall. She was very lucky to survive. My terribly shocked colleague said that the constant getting up had to stop and they had a very unpleasant four or so days before their child learnt to self-settle. From talking to my mother, I can tell you in the old days that parents routinely had children sleeping through at a much earlier age than is the current fashion.

My first was good at night but had to be cuddled to sleep for her naps. I tried to get my second into a good nap routine from really early on. What I did differently was looking at awake times rather than the clock. She was like absolute clockwork if you timed it right- like magic. You put her in the cot and she just slept. If she got overtired and you missed the window, she’d be a screaming mess. It meant we were ruled a bit by naps it was worth it for me.

@bertiebeee Unfortunately no real solution has emerged. It’s all a bit of a haze but something clicked around 4m1w and he started sleeping SLIGHTLY better at night which made the day times easier. I try to get him down quickly- feed and then pop him in his swing quite often, which seems to be quicker and he stays asleep a tad longer.

But overall no, he still nurses to sleep and it’s not ideal but not terrible. He’s a dreadful napper though, very easily disturbed by noise, even a long nap isn’t more than an hour.

He’s 5 months and half a week currently. I’ve half moved out of his room and moved his bedtime earlier to 7pm, both of which I hope will help to continue to improve his night sleep...

@goostacean thanks

My children always slept in their own rooms (there was no recommendation then to have them sleep in your room) and I had a routine from day one. Bath, story (might be a short made up one when tiny), feed, then put down when drowsy but awake and lights out and I'm gone. It takes a while to click in (my daughter had reflux and was very fussy) but perseverance was key. I never let my children cry for more than a few minutes either. I would go in, stroke their tummy (really tried not to pick them up), then left.
I'd go in and wake them for a sleepy feed before I went to bed and then they would be ok until morning.
I believe routine and perseverance is the answer and doing it from the off. My kids slept well and always on their own bar a handful of times when they were unwell (and never as babies).

Stopped bf, solids at bedtime from 4 months (not advised now I know),
Same routine, In own room, blackout blinds, encouraged reliance on blankets and teddies,
Just put them down too with very minimal interaction. Wasn't afraid to let them cry a bit. Leave room. No stroking, rocking, shushing, lying on floors etc.
Both sleeping through by five months.

Probably just good luck but I also had a very strict routine (GF - which I know is hated on here) and I never got into the feeding, cuddling etc to sleep. DS went in his Moses basket at 7pm from the day we got back from hospital, it never occurred to me to stay with him until he fell asleep, he was happy to self settle, no crying etc so we left him. He’s always been a good sleeper, I can honestly say I’ve never had a disturbed night - apart from one quick night feed up until 6 months and he would immediately fall back to sleep afterwards, I am sure it was mainly luck.

No sleep ‘regression’ either - he’s 19 now (years not months ).

Three posts in a row with very similar comments .

My DD breast fed to sleep until I stopped at 16 months, then we rocked her. Once she got too heavy for that a few months later, we just held her until she was asleep before putting her down.

Since she was 2 she's fell asleep in her own cot bed, but we have to sit in the room. It usually takes less than 15 mins so not too bad! Hopefully one day we'll be able to tuck her in and leave the room... maybe when she moves into her 'big bed' (as soon as we can get on with her new room) and before our second who we're TTC!!

I haven’t achieved it with DD and she’s 3 (years). One year old DS has done it from around 6 months. Nothing I really did differently, they’re just so different. Sorry I know that’s not very helpful! Cosleeping saved us with DD.