To ask how the hell you got your child to fall asleep independently?

[Goostacean]

As per title... DS is almost 4mo, specifically 16 weeks. We have a predictable schedule but he feeds or bounces (yoga ball) to sleep. It can take up to 20mins, which is not working for me with a 2yo at home as well.

What did you do?!

Please don’t tell me “that’s just how it is”, as usually happens on sleep-related threads

Mine were in their own rooms at night from 12 weeks, they didn't sleep through at night at that age but did go down for naps on their own. I used to put them in the cot awake and potter around in and out of their bedroom. Most of the time they'd just nod off, other times I'd shush them and stick their mobile on and they'd drop off.

Just to add, he might not have been 4 months but maybe 4/5/6 months and he didn't do it again for ages.

Sleep regression 😒 whatever...

All babies are different but I wouldn't be bouncing on a ball for every nap time!

Also, I've never let him "cry it out", he will just chat himself to sleep. When I have left him to cry I would set a 2 minute timer and go in at intervals, I'd never let him just cry and cry. Even now if he wakes up crying I will go and pick him up until he calms down, then put him back down asleep. But my baby is quite independent anyway, never liked being cuddled to sleep and doesn't really like being held, will fight to go and crawl around. He always settled better when I was out of the room I don't care what anyone says. I think I was quite lucky really but sleep definitely can be taught

4m is incredibly tiny!
Mine started to fall asleep independently around 2-3yrs. It's believed to just be developmental and methods to try and achieve it sooner are not always achieving the result desired for the right reasons. But it's difficult to know of course.

As previous posters have said, 4 months is too little for this. My 6m old is JUST occasionally starting to fall asleep when I put him in his cot after wriggling around for a while. Give it a bit more time.

Having said that the yoga ball technique seems like hard work. What about shushing, patting, baby-wearing? Some of that can be done whilst reading a story to the toddler etc.

I'm still feeding my 14 month old to sleep multiple times a night and for naps. He quite literally does not get tired otherwise. 8 hours plus and he's still running around full of beans.
I've tried to get him back to sleep in the night without feeding and he just gets so upset and I can't stand the noise and I don't want him to wake everyone up so I feed him. It was so easy in the beginning but now I feel a bit stuck. 4 months is very tiny still, what did you do with your two year old?

It just happened. First one was maybe 11 months and put her down and walked away and she cried the first few times so I’d go and help her lie down again, repeat. Eventually she just would lie down and I’d walk out and she’d go to sleep. Closer to 2 we added in a bedtime story.

2nd one finally just didn’t like to feed to sleep or be rocked to sleep anymore around 14 months. Wanted to lie down in cot and hump his toy dog and would self settle.

I truly didn’t do anything except keep trying new things when old things stopped working. Honestly though, it does not get easier when they are older and need a drink of water and another story or that particular toy from under the sofa to cuddle. So if you can sit down in peace and feed or rock to sleep now I’d make the most of it while it lasts.

Absolutely agree that he is too young for any real training, I’m not trying to do that.

The issue is naps; both boys have a good nighttime routine and the 2yo happily falls asleep independently (he does that at nap time too). Baby currently wakes once or twice a night and regularly does a 5-7h sleep at the start of the night, I am perfectly happy with that for now. Am also awaiting the dreaded 4 month regression...

The problem is that the baby needs about 20 mins of feeding with sporadic bouncing (am now trying to cut that out) to drop off. He also apparently can’t join his sleep cycles, so wakes every 45mins like clockwork and needs another 10-15mins nursing/being held to drop off. It’s very difficult with the toddler, so I wonder whether anyone has successfully got their 4mo to drop off by themselves?

Wanted to lie down in cot and hump his toy dog and would self settle. Love it.

With the 2yo I also nursed to sleep, but it was taking, like, 90mins to do bedtime when he was 7-9mo, if I recall correctly. Not sure how I did naps... Also a lot of feeding.

It’s just not working for me with an older one, DH WFH, trying to set up a business in my very limited adult time, etc etc etc...

I waited for them to get older.

Nothing I tried worked, and I wasn't willing to leave them to cry.

Co-sleeping worked for us. At about 18 months it all suddenly clicked and dc have been pretty good at settling and sleeping since then.

There’s an app called huckleberry which is a life saver! That age itd be between 3 and 4 naps a day generally!

Sleep trained using cry it out to extinction at 20 weeks with support from sleep consultant. We tried gentler methods like gradual retreat and CC but he revved up worse than ever when we went into the room!

Before that it was increasingly long periods of bouncing, rocking, squatting while carrying,?singing him to sleep. He now naps at same times and for same lengths of time each day and sleeps 1900 to 0600 at night.

Hardest thing I’ve done as a parent but it took 5 nights and rigid following of a routine and it was absolutely worth it.

ALSO little ones baby sleep shhh track if he cries now before going to sleep. It’s a godsend!

user You poor thing but that did make me laugh a little bit at the craziness of it - you couldn't make it up!

Oh, hi @Piglet89 I was on the other thread where it all got a bit heated about CIO! I remember your name from there. I think he’s a bit young for proper training though...?

Tonight is already turning into a disaster because he had his vaccinations and now has a temperature but projectile vomits any time I sneak even a taste of Calpol into his mouth... I don’t mind today though, poor thing is not a happy bunny.

But definitely looking for a solution for the naps in particular. He usually goes down around 9.45-10am for 45mins, then around 12 he’ll go down for 3-4hs but waking every 45mins to be soothed (like clockwork, it’s impressive), then a tiny nap around 6pm that takes us through to an 8pm bedtime.

My 5 month usually goes to sleep on the bed by herself after a wee cry. I co sleep. But i never trained her to do it, she just prefers not to be held while going to sleep. I personally love a clingy baby 😂 my 2 yo preferred to be rocked to sleep and I loved it.
They are only this young once don't think too much into it. When they are older you will want these moments back xx

Controlled crying at 4 months. Went from taking an hour or more falling asleep on me or in the pushchair to falling asleep by himself and self-settling at night. Still an amazing sleeper two years on.

Just feed to sleep until Dd was old enough and ready to sleep by herself. She does 12 hours now.

Precious Little Sleep tips are good, but ignore their doom-mongering about how if you don't do X by Y age you will "never sleep again" or have doomed your child to crap sleep for life or to still be in your bed when they are five years old. This is just not true. Also ignore any insistence in there that you have to do sleep training at some point [so you might as well do it now etc]. It is always an option to just wait until they sleep by themselves. It's annoying really because the info in the book/on the website is helpful but then they shoot themselves in the foot with all of that unhelpful rubbish.

I suppose though it's much like the no cry sleep solution which has useful tips but then gets all up itself and judgemental about parents who do decide to use a crying-tolerated method and insists these babies feel all abandoned and confused and so on - unhelpful! I mean why not just give information about your own preferred methods and let people choose, rather than insinuating that anyone who chooses a different way is doing harm or getting it wrong somehow?

I've always cuddled 5 year old DS to sleep. I'm afraid the whole concept of leaving a small child all alone to go to sleep in a darkened room seemed a bit alien to me. Cuddling him to sleep is the nicest part of our day (DH joins in too.) He drops off in a couple of minutes.

Oh well at 4 months I'd rock them most of the way then try and pop them down when they were almost asleep with a sleep cue such as music or a toy.

For an older baby (1ish) I'd feed them, read to them, cuddle them then put them down and ignore the grizzling for 10 mins while I made a cuppa and listened to a bit of music. 95% of the time they'd be asleep well within this 10 min period. If not, I'd go back in and start again.