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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate the mums in my playground for been tactless rude and racist ?

70 replies

pyjamagirl · 11/09/2007 17:09

OK so a new family has come to our school and they are black they have three DS's.

This should not be a problem but it seems for a few of the stupid women at school it is today the couples youngest DS came running into the yard before his parents and all the mums were going "oh I want one " and patting him on his head so they could feel his hair (Their words not mine)

FFS I just walked away when are ppl going to learn.

OP posts:
2shoes · 11/09/2007 17:10

weird people

Original poster
pyjamagirl · 11/09/2007 17:11

my thoughts exactly

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 11/09/2007 17:11

Well at least they weren't being hostile.

wildwoman · 11/09/2007 17:12

ignorant not racist

Original poster
pyjamagirl · 11/09/2007 17:12

no they weren't but there would have been no comment if a white child came running into the yard it is just ignorant

OP posts:
fleacircus · 11/09/2007 17:12

Where do you live? The 1970s?

JeremyVile · 11/09/2007 17:12

Could they have just meant that he was a cute little boy? Did they specifically mention his race?

niceglasses · 11/09/2007 17:13

But somepple do that do my dd or did when she was younger.

Are you sure its not just an innocent endearment? I wouldn't necessarily have seen it as racist.

handlemecarefully · 11/09/2007 17:13

Well it's rather patronising isn't it - and I would cringe to watch....

Not sure it is racist however.

wildwoman · 11/09/2007 17:14

When I lived in indonesia as a child people were forever stroking my hair as it was blondish with a kink...not racist just mildly annoying.

niceglasses · 11/09/2007 17:14

too many dos there

do that to

should have been.

Original poster
pyjamagirl · 11/09/2007 17:15

well they were all trying to touch his hair cos they wanted to see what an afro felt like so I think that kind of answers that
they weren't been unfriendly at all just all gawping and going mad over this little boy

OP posts:
paolosgirl · 11/09/2007 17:16

Disagree re the white child comment. My friend's son had people commenting on, and feeling his ginger curly hair all the time.

I honestly don't think this was racism. Stupid, pointless and thoughtless yes, but racist?

Original poster
pyjamagirl · 11/09/2007 17:17

handlemecarefully has hit the nail obn the head patronising is the word for it maybe I shouldn't have used racist as they weren't been mean but honestly it was embarrasing to watch and the little boys mum didn't look too happy when she got in the yard and 3 starnge women were pawing her DS

OP posts:
niceglasses · 11/09/2007 17:19

Wow I'm slightly shocked at stupid, pointless, rude, tactless, patronising.

Maybe just oop here, but pple say that all the time with young bairns. Cute lovely cuddly ones.

wildwoman · 11/09/2007 17:21

I agree niceglasses.

geekymummy · 11/09/2007 17:36

I sometimes wear my hair in a (big) afro and I've had adults reach for my hair. It's annoying! I don't mind if I was asked first though.

It may not have been racist though some people do look at natural black hair as something exotic and just different?

Obviously I can't speak for all black mums, but I remember when I was a schoolgirl, my mum would expressly tell me not to let others touch my hair, to a degree it's a cultural thing, hence the boy's mum not looking pleased,.

quadrophenia · 11/09/2007 17:42

people do this all the time to my ds, he is white, I don't find it rude, patronising, or offensive infact I feel proud that i'm not the only one who thinks he is lovely

LoveAngel · 11/09/2007 17:44

I seethe inwardly every time someone mentions my son's hair or says 'aren't they lovely, don't they have lovely hair, best of both worlds' etc (they meaning mixed race children).

MrsMarvel · 11/09/2007 17:48

Yes, it's the kind of thing grandma says but we just kind of let go because we pity her old ways.

wildwoman · 11/09/2007 17:50

dont they mean "they" as in your dcs not they as in all people of mixed race?

sparkybabe · 11/09/2007 17:52

My nex-door-neighbour's DD (9) is black and I said that she should find someone who could cut black hair, only to be told ' my hair is not black it's brown and gold at the ends'!

LoveAngel · 11/09/2007 17:53

I know what people mean - they mean mixed race. I also know they don't realise it can be offensive. People constantly comment on my son's appearance, hair, complexion etc and speculate on his racial heritage - quite openly. Its's all done in a very good natured sort of way, but it's still annoying.

kerala · 11/09/2007 17:55

My dh and dd have very curly ringletty hair that sticks up and sometimes get this reaction (we are English/german and white). May not necessarily be a race thing? But guess we werent there and you were so hard to say. Bit sad if people always jump to the "racism" conclusion though.

wildwoman · 11/09/2007 18:03

well obviously I'm not going to try and tell what is snd isn't annoying My dd is friends with a boy at school who quite simply is the most gorgeous child I have ever seen (apart from my dds!) I really hope that his parents don't think I have been rude when I told them that. Oh crap now I am going to obsess over this.