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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents caring for key worker children

79 replies

Russell19 · 29/03/2020 11:41

A friend told me yesterday that her mum (aged under 70) is still coming over to their house each day to look after her 2 children (one pre school age and one 7).

They are both keyworkers but not front line.

I don't know why but at first it didn't sit right with me, I know IABU because I have a really close relationship with my mum and haven't seen her for 2 weeks so I think it's touched a nerve. I also have a baby so to have my family not close by is a massive thing.

Just doesn't make sense to be putting your whole family, children and parents at risk but what is the other option? What are other people doing?

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/03/2020 11:45

Just doesn't make sense to be putting your whole family, children and parents at risk but what is the other option

It would make more sense to have a fourteen day complete SI for both grandparents and children then move them in together after when it’s safe.

Far better than risking the lives of school staff just because the job is on the key worker list.

Original poster
Russell19 · 29/03/2020 12:24

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss yes hadn't thought about that option!

OP posts:
PicaK · 29/03/2020 12:44

Incredibly selfish of her given over 70s are extremely vulnerable.

Redlocks28 · 29/03/2020 12:46

Incredibly selfish of her given over 70s are extremely vulnerable.

But she is under 70.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 29/03/2020 12:47

I know someone doing the same. At first it didn’t sit right with me (for the same reason, we all want to see our families so seems unfair) BUT in hindsight, surely it’s better to mix two families than send the child to a school where they’re mixing with multiple children/infecting teachers who have no choice but to be there. Officially they shouldn’t be doing it, but I think there will be exceptions to the rule, especially if under 70 and low risk.

thethoughtfox · 29/03/2020 12:49

Don't be a fanny; stay away fae yer granny.

Alsohuman · 29/03/2020 12:51

Incredibly selfish of her given over 70s are extremely vulnerable

Seriously? Who’s being selfish? The provider of the childcare or its recipient? You might want to think about that.

Chillicheese123 · 29/03/2020 12:54

You realize some grandparents are in their 50s, 40s even. Not saying it’s right, but being a grandparent doesn’t automatically make you 80 years old!

Chillicheese123 · 29/03/2020 12:54

My kids great grandparents are only in their early 70s!

Original poster
Russell19 · 29/03/2020 12:56

I did say the grandparent is under 70.

OP posts:
Stinkycatbreath · 29/03/2020 13:02

Many schools haven't got capacity to take the children who need care. Parents are being forced into work as a key worker. If you are in lower paid employment maybe your wages have never needed to cover childcare and granparents have always taken care of the children. Maybe they feel that there is no other option.

MintyMabel · 29/03/2020 13:17

Officially they shouldn’t be doing it

This is where the whole roolz is roolz thing is completely ridiculous.

They could take their children and drop them off at a childminder and that’s absolutely fine, but they can’t take them and drop them off with their grandparents who aren’t in any of the risk categories.

VickyEadieofThigh · 29/03/2020 13:18

My mother was a grandparent at the age of 43 and undertook grandchild care throughout her 40s, 50s and 60s.

It's safer for such children to be with their grandparents than in school, potentially being infected by a load of others and taking that infection home.

Original poster
Russell19 · 29/03/2020 13:27

I completely agree its safer than nursery but does it make it ok for my mum to come round to my house for an hour? No.

I'm a teacher (off work currently) but I wouldn't ask my mum to come and look after my baby during these circumstances.

OP posts:
BenScalesIsAGod · 29/03/2020 13:30

Would you send your baby to a nursery then? Mixing with many other families?

Chillicheese123 · 29/03/2020 13:37

Would it not be better to move the grandparent in to minimize movement?

Alsohuman · 29/03/2020 13:41

I'm a teacher (off work currently) but I wouldn't ask my mum to come and look after my baby during these circumstances

Easy to say when you don’t need childcare.

babycakes1010 · 29/03/2020 13:49

My mum is under 70 and coming to the house to look after my children...I'm a signaller for network rail so classed as a key worker...we still have to send freight (including food supplies) around the country

LittleBearPad · 29/03/2020 13:52

Well if the grandmother is only seeing her grandchildren and their parents it doesn’t seem overly problematic. It’s better than nursery.

Chillicheese123 · 29/03/2020 13:53

Yeah if the kids haven’t been out they can’t transmit anything surely

Ponoka7 · 29/03/2020 13:54

But you don't need childcare so how is your situation comparable?

I still provide childcare for my DD, who is a key worker. This involves using public transport, but only a maximum of three times a week.

I took this seriously from the start and as a once vegan, now vegetarian, we've been campaigning for the end of wildlife/wet markets and the end of any practices that can cause zoonotic illnesses, for some years. But of course we are kranks.

I totally get needing to take the pressure off the NHS, although our hospitals are being filled by transfers from further South, which is frustrating.

Anyhow, this lock down will be until June and then the virus will still be there and for older people, we will still live under the threat of this killing us. This is the first wave, there will be other waves.

Which is why some of us are reluctant to stop life completely, especially in ways that will leave our adult children in financial dire straits.

My DD lives on half your income, at least. Hers and your situation don't compare.

What does she live on, baring in mind her work is still available?

Thanks to austerity and the bedroom tax, families aren't living close to each other. This point was brought up at the time. Thanks to rock bottom benefits, families don't have a buffer, not even for a crisis.

Silversun83 · 29/03/2020 13:56

YANBU.. DH's mum is using this as an excuse to see the golden grandchildren - DH's brother's kids. His girlfriend is a keyworker though works from home (and only works three mornings a week). DH's brother is NOT a keyworker and is also working from home yet their mum has the two children those three mornings a week. Hmm

DH and I are both WFH and are obviously juggling childcare and work the same as most of the rest of the population!

Silversun83 · 29/03/2020 13:58

Oh and DH's mum is working as a nursery nurse in a school the other days so plenty of opportunity for cross-transmission!!

StripyHorse · 29/03/2020 13:59

The alternative is to send the children to nursery / school to mix with 2 different groups of children and staff. Many people in their 60s are still working.

If there is a viable alternative then use it, but otherwise, as long as your parents are happy to do this, and everyone is avoiding unnecessary contact, then it has to be done.

yummyyummycoffee · 29/03/2020 14:00

Op you don't really know the situation.

My grandparents are going mad that they can not see their gc, to them 3 months lockdown is extremely long because of their age and other health conditions. To them the time apart could mean never getting to see their gc again.

Both grandparents, and other family of mine were the ones who didn't care about the risks of this virus because of their age. The have already dealt with so much from life that they felt that if it was their time it's their time.

I feel mixed about the opinion but understand both sides.