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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Grandparents caring for key worker children

79 replies

Russell19 · 29/03/2020 11:41

A friend told me yesterday that her mum (aged under 70) is still coming over to their house each day to look after her 2 children (one pre school age and one 7).

They are both keyworkers but not front line.

I don't know why but at first it didn't sit right with me, I know IABU because I have a really close relationship with my mum and haven't seen her for 2 weeks so I think it's touched a nerve. I also have a baby so to have my family not close by is a massive thing.

Just doesn't make sense to be putting your whole family, children and parents at risk but what is the other option? What are other people doing?

OP posts:

Lifeisabeach09 · 29/03/2020 14:43

HCP keyworker and single parent.

I still use DM (under 70 but in a risk category) for childcare when I'm not at work as I have no choice. I am keeping my DD off of school to help lessen the risk and I keep my distance from my DM.

I am fully aware that I could bring something home from work, pass it to my DD who will then give it to my DM.

It's on my mind constantly and I have considered quitting my job because of it but really can't afford to.

Letseatgrandma · 29/03/2020 14:45

@Letseatgrandma, will you still be doing that in a week, with full staff needed?

We will have the same number of children in over Easter as we have in at the moment. Not all staff are in every day, but we are a small school so most are in a lot.

lexi873 · 29/03/2020 14:46

I am not classed as a key worker but my employer is still open as an “essential store” (hardware store) so I’m still sending my children to my mums house when I work as I have always done.
I’m a single parent and have asked to be furloughed but we are already 3 staff members down - two have health issues so are shielding and one has gone back to their home country so work won’t furlough me as I am needed.
The only alternative for me would have been to ask for a space in school as a key worker because my employers are still open but my shifts aren’t 9-3 so I’d still have to use my mum to take my children to school therefore potentially more exposure for everybody.
There is no easy answer everybody is just doing what they can to manage.

Lifeisabeach09 · 29/03/2020 14:47

*Meant to say I use DM for childcare when I AM AT WORK!!

Original poster

Russell19 · 29/03/2020 14:51

Not at all drip feeding but the friends husband isn't a teacher which is part of me thinking this isn't needed. I know staff at my school with children have been allowed to stay off.

I also think schools being open with say 5% of children is just a complete waste of school staff when majority of these staff have children themselves at home. Surely one school in the area open for these children would have been better instead of every school? But then this potentially raises transport issues I know.

OP posts:

tappitytaptap · 29/03/2020 14:52

We moved in with my parents (not keyworkers but both wfh), why is that more risky than sending them to nursery if it gives us a little help to get work done, keep our jobs and the economy going, and pay taxes?

lyralalala · 29/03/2020 15:00

Not at all drip feeding but the friends husband isn't a teacher which is part of me thinking this isn't needed.

You said in your PP he was a keyworker though so he might be essential without being a teacher.

Bienentrinkwasser · 29/03/2020 15:04

What do people think nurses do? School isn’t going to cover an entire 7-8 shift worth of childcare!

Original poster

Russell19 · 29/03/2020 15:05

He is technically classed as a keyworker as he works in a school. But the school could run without him. To take that as a keyworker or not is down to personal opinion I guess?

The same as I have a friend who works in the police admin offices, she's classed as a keyworker but outright admits she doesn't need to be there at the moment.

OP posts:

Humberbear · 29/03/2020 15:05

My daughter works in a supermarket and is a single parent. I am in early 50's and am looking after her children. I reckon it is safer for me to pick up and drop off in my car than the alternative. The childrens school has shut and combined with another 3 primary and 1 senior school. To get the children there she would have to take the children on bus at peak times, get the bus back again to work, do the same when she finishes work. At my house there is just me and a decent size garden for them to play in.

WishMyNameWasWittyNotShitty · 29/03/2020 15:12

Our nursery has closed as it cannot safely implement social distancing, and staff levels, even for key workers.

Our parents aren't assisting as it will be against restrictions, nothing in the guidelines refers to children going anywhere other than school/nursery for key workers. Also, we would he taking them into their home, when we have both been in our work places (2 different places) or doing our essential shops etc basically taking more risk than necessary into their homes.

We are both key workers and are having to juggle leave both paid and unpaid to be able to look after the children and work.

It's not ideal, but we cannot work from home, despite one of our jobs having the capability (just not rolled out) and so we are having to adjust.

WishMyNameWasWittyNotShitty · 29/03/2020 15:16

Meant to add, I wish the guidelines were clearer in that people with kids under school age don't automatically get childcare and there is nothing in place for those parents.
Also, there is nothing to say families can be used, and it states not to visit friends/families, would taking the kids be a visit? I really don't know!

Good luck all with this, it's a pickle, but hopefully we will all get through it

Original poster

Russell19 · 29/03/2020 15:44

@WishMyNameWasWittyNotShitty completely agree and pleased you saw the reasoning for my post. My husband and I will be doing the same as you and juggling it between ourselves. It's difficult but as you said it says in guidelines not to visit parents.

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 29/03/2020 15:51

@Russell19. Well you’re a teacher so in all likelihood even when you’re may leave ends you won’t be going back into school - even for childcare purposes especially as you’ve said your school is allowing teachers with children not to go in.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 29/03/2020 16:03

@russel19 - I was about to respond, then spotted that @Stuckforthefourthtime had done so very eloquently

BenScalesIsAGod · 29/03/2020 16:15

But you can’t necessarily juggle between two parents if they both work and can’t work from home?

Ponoka7 · 29/03/2020 16:17

"it says in guidelines",

They are just that, guidelines, because Boris wouldn't commit to a proper lock down and protection for low paid workers (and the rest), so we've got to weigh up the risk and make our own decisions.

Cazantat · 03/04/2020 20:26

Advice please. I was wondering if anyone can help me both me and my partner are key workers we have been working so my son as been going to school but next week his school is shut would I be able to send him to his grandparents for a couple of days (both are in their late 50's)

AllesAusLiebe · 03/04/2020 23:09

I'm still struggling to figure out what any of this has to do with the OP. Maybe some time at work would help to occupy yourself and take your mind off things.

Rubyupbeat · 04/04/2020 00:53

My mum was

Rubyupbeat · 04/04/2020 00:54

My mum was a grandma at 42, my friend a grandad at 38.

Rosebel · 04/04/2020 07:35

So a lot of people still don't understand the not mixing household rules. This lockdown will never end. Besides anything how awful are you going to feel if you infect your child and they infect your parents who then in the worst case die? Could happen regardless of age.

Rover83 · 04/04/2020 07:51

Rosebel what are people supposed to do then? My husband and I are both keyworkers, our works are not in a position to change our shifts as we are both frontline. He works 10 hr nights and I mainly work at the weekend but we have one weekday where I work and he needs to sleep between nights.

Our normal childcare arent opening, they offered us an alternative which is a 30 min drive away and can only offer 9-3, we only have 1 car and I work a 12.5 hr shift. Last week DH kept the kids at home and it was a disaster so this week they went to their grandparents. Their grandparents are both frontline keyworkers too so are just as likely to get it from their own work, in fact 3 of their grandad's colleagues are currently ventilated in intensive care. We only need care 1 day a week, the worst thing is if our normal childcare would open DH could walk the kids and we wouldn't need to use Grandparents at all but they are refusing to open

Teenagemaw · 04/04/2020 07:59

@thethoughtfox

your post made me laugh so much.

feelinguseless101 · 04/04/2020 08:35

If the alternative is putting them in nursery or school then surely it's better. There ARE non front line key worker jobs which need confidentiality and concentration that can't be done in the care of kids (e.g. NHS strategic planning).

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