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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A local shop is refusing entry to single parents

619 replies

Throwaway667 · 28/03/2020 09:58

I feel completely enraged by this. With delivery and collection slots now going to the vulnerable (as they should) it’s becoming more difficult to buy essential shopping as it is.
To remove access to essential goods based on the person having a dependant they can’t leave at home is upsetting imo.
Surely this is discrimination?

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/03/2020 18:36

It’s terribly unfair on lone parents, but I can imagine that the shop’s already had trouble with the sort of parents who let their children charge around putting their grubby mitts on everything. I’m sure we’ve all encountered the sort of parents who think their kids must invariably be allowed to behave exactly as they like, no matter what the place or circumstances.

I’d have thought they could make it clear on entry that any child MUST stay with the parent and not touch anything, or they’ll both have to leave.

73Sunglasslover · 28/03/2020 18:36

It's what I and others have suggested on this thread. Neighbours need to deliver if there are no supermarket slots. Local networks are being set up to support those who can't get provisions in themselves. These are the same networks which need to get food for people who can't get to the shops for other reasons including being in higher risk groups.

SarahTancredi · 28/03/2020 18:42

It’s terribly unfair on lone parents, but I can imagine that the shop’s already had trouble with the sort of parents who let their children charge around putting their grubby mitts on everything. I’m sure we’ve all encountered the sort of parents who think their kids must invariably be allowed to behave exactly as they like, no matter what the place or circumstances

Yeah they usually the same people who dont wash their hands after they have been to the toilet, who manhandled all the bread and loose produce , walk around with their hand half way down their trousers, never use the tongues provided and never cover their mouths sneezing/coughing.

I'd take my chances with the kids tbh least school have probably taught them to wash their hands and use a tissue right now...

SarahTancredi · 28/03/2020 18:43

Tongs

Weird auto correct t Hmm

alloutoffucks · 28/03/2020 18:45

This is a small number of shops, not all shops, or even most.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/03/2020 18:47

"if it’s about people touching things then really they need to shut all the shops and go entirely delivery and click & collect."

Things would still be touched.
It's not about touching things as I've said before, it's about the rules of 2m distance and coughing into your elbow, things small children won't be able to do.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 28/03/2020 18:50

Funny how a 4 year old can't cough in their elbow,stay away from people or not touch things but then again they can stay home or in cars alone .

The incompetence of children seems to change depending on the agenda.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/03/2020 18:52

"Funny how a 4 year old can't cough in their elbow,stay away from people or not touch things"

But it is true isn't it.

SeperatedSwans · 28/03/2020 18:53

73sunglasslover Many many adults will also be asymptomatic or have such mild symptoms they have no idea they have it. You going to ban them too??

What about your postman/woman they could be asymptomatic and delivering letters of disease through your letterbox 😱

The pasta packet you just picked up could have been handled by a symptomatic person refusing to self isolate 😱

So many if and buts, but starving children and excluding lone parent families from essentials isn't the answer.

There is no socientific evidence that children are better or worse at spreading the virus than an adult. So that child in the supermarket sat in a trolley not touching anything is the same as another adult. Except child in trolley isn't touching all the merchandise in the shop but the adult is.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 19:00

Things would still be touched.

But only by the packer and not by shoppers moving things, reading ingredients, changing their minds etc. It would massively Reduce the odds of the virus being transferred via products.

It's not about touching things as I've said before,

Oh it is, read the thread. Look at how many are objecting to the children on the basis they will be touching things.

it's about the rules of 2m distance and coughing into your elbow, things small children won't be able to do.

Of course they can! I’ve seen plenty of adults who can’t though. Hmm

OldQueen1969 · 28/03/2020 19:46

If supermarkets can do special times for the elderly and key workers, can they not also do a morning once a week for single parents who have to bring children or something similar? Lots of clear, friendly guidance can be given - infomercials and posters that parents can show to their kids while waiting / in the store? Even, if necessary, invent bloody cartoon characters encouraging children to behave appropriately without scaring them? Think of all the public health initiatives in the past that have used these tactics - it's surely not beyond the whit and capability of supermarkets marketing departments to step up, and also do TV adverts during kids programming. Anything that reduces tension, othering and growing lunch mob mentality would be helpful right now, or we will end up with bloody anarchy.

Flowers to single parents struggling in such weird and stressful times.

Cliche alert - children are the future and the messages we send them - as a society in general - now will determine whether they turn out to be well-adjusted members of that society or the disaffected with no time for authority measures even when it is vital.

Just a thought.

OldQueen1969 · 28/03/2020 19:48

*lynch mob. Obvs. Interesting subconscious typo though.

73Sunglasslover · 28/03/2020 20:04

'73sunglasslover Many many adults will also be asymptomatic or have such mild symptoms they have no idea they have it. You going to ban them too??

What about your postman/woman they could be asymptomatic and delivering letters of disease through your letterbox 😱

The pasta packet you just picked up could have been handled by a symptomatic person refusing to self isolate 😱

So many if and buts, but starving children and excluding lone parent families from essentials isn't the answer.

There is no socientific evidence that children are better or worse at spreading the virus than an adult. So that child in the supermarket sat in a trolley not touching anything is the same as another adult. Except child in trolley isn't touching all the merchandise in the shop but the adult is.'

I think you've misunderstood. I have never said adults can't be asymptomatic too. I was wondering what the evidence was that children are less likely to spread it. Of course postmen and women can be asymptomatic spreaders and we are (I suspect like others) treating all mail as contaminated just in case.

If your point is that children are not likely to touch things 'for fun' then I can see where we fundamentally disagree. They are also more likely to breach the 2m rule. Clearly there are also a lot of adult numpties out there too but on balance a 4 year old is probably less likely to be able to do what is required to decrease spread. There is much science behind that if we think about their brain development and how they interact with the world (much more touch and play than adults).

If we are expecting large swathes of society to isolate for their own protection we have to be accepting that there will need to be other ways for provisions to be obtained. Single parents can who live alone (i.e. not with family or friends) and whose children are not old enough to be left can use the same methods (there are not enough delivery slots to go around so that's now how all vulnerable people are managing).

DrCoconut · 28/03/2020 20:08

The comment about leaving your child's father oozes judgement (this kind of thing is what keeps women in violent relationships while smug marrieds tut and ask why she stays) and is actually a huge assumption. What if the father is dead? Ran away with his OW? Is in prison for something that is not his ex's fault? Or anything other than feckless single mum can't keep a man.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 20:11

This thread is a great exhibition of the ignorance of so many.

CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate · 28/03/2020 20:19

There is another thread running currently where a mum has experienced not being able to take her children shopping due to this arbitrary policy and is struggling to get food. So it would seem that it's far from just a few random shops.

MotherOfDragonite · 28/03/2020 23:41

Wow Leigh, you're lovely. ODFOD!

alloutoffucks · 29/03/2020 02:23

I have read lots of posts and comments on here from people who have went to the supermarket and been freaked out by the kids running about, standing right next to them, even running into them, and the parents do nothing.
There are always other shops. Personally I would not go near a crowded supermarket at the moment anyway. My very elderly parents who live a few hundred miles away from me are living on food bought from their tiny corner shop.

Getting online delivery is nearly impossible so a lot of us are having to improvise how we get food. Sure if your child would stay by your side the whole way round a supermarket then yes it is unfair to not be able to go in. But it is pretty rare for me to see younger kids never moving away from their parent in a supermarket.
But you need to do what everyone else is doing and adapt.

BurgerOnTheOrientExpress · 29/03/2020 04:21

From reading through a lot of the comments below, it looks like a lot of folk have woken up to the fact that having children is quite a commitment and responsibility.

BurgerOnTheOrientExpress · 29/03/2020 04:25

Apologies, new on here. Should have posted...'comments above' not "comments below".

SinkGirl · 29/03/2020 08:07

Which folk are you referring to?

I think people were well aware of that before. Call me crazy but I think most people reasonably assumed they’d always be able to go into an open supermarket when considering having children.

Mittens030869 · 29/03/2020 09:21

@SinkGirl

That's very true. Plus, I think parents reasonably assumed that their DC would be able to go to school when it isn't the holidays, and that nurseries wouldn't have to close. They also wouldn't have to anticipate that they would be told that they couldn't leave their DC with grandparents or childminders.

It reminds me of a thread where a lot of posters were moaning about parents not being able to pull their weight at work.

This is a situation that no one could have anticipated when considering whether or not to have children.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 29/03/2020 09:44

I leave mine at home
Or leave in buggy at door
Or shop elsewhere ? Nightmare OP

Mittens030869 · 29/03/2020 09:45

We don't take our DDs shopping to avoid this kind of problem. I'm well aware that it's a difficult situation right now, and as always some parents are failing to supervise their DC. But there's no need for a blanket ban, surely this is where shop security guards can step in and ban individual parents who don't follow the rules? A blanket ban may not penalise those individual parents, who may well not have to take their DC with them. But it will penalise single parents who have no help.

I've seen on the news that food parcels are being handed out. If single parents aren't able to go shopping because children are banned from their local supermarkets then those single parents will need to be on the list of vulnerable people. (Which is silly because they could easily look after themselves if they could take their DC with them.)

LotsaDo · 29/03/2020 10:03

SinkGirl

Absolutely. Although I don't think it's an unusual attitude on MN...I've seen more than one poster berated for having children when they don't have very much money, as if others can't imagine that sometimes people's circumstances change. I had a little grumble to a friend about how we were struggling with DS in our little flat... we're right opposite a lovely park and near a river and we're usually out all the time and he's full of energy and struggling indoors. She basically said, well it was your choice to live there! Yes, it was but we weren't exactly planning for a global pandemic when we bought it!