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AIBU?

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Original poster

A local shop is refusing entry to single parents

619 replies

Throwaway667 · 28/03/2020 09:58

I feel completely enraged by this. With delivery and collection slots now going to the vulnerable (as they should) it’s becoming more difficult to buy essential shopping as it is.
To remove access to essential goods based on the person having a dependant they can’t leave at home is upsetting imo.
Surely this is discrimination?

OP posts:
JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 14:12

So many people living in a bubble who simply cannot imagine having NO-ONE they can get to help. For all sorts of reasons.

heartsonacake · 28/03/2020 14:14

and i certainly wouldnt be falling over myself to hand them my precious pennies once order has been restored.

JuanSheetIsPlenty Don’t worry, they won’t miss you.

I suggest after this is all over you attempt to build a support network, but you’ll need to tone down the aggression and the attitude first.

alloutoffucks · 28/03/2020 14:14

@givemeacall then ask your DM to get you some food and leave it on your doorstep. You do have someone you can ask for help.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 14:14

If I was a manager and you filmed a member of my staff I would permanently ban you from the shop.

Good for you. Sounds like a job for you.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 14:15

Don’t worry, they won’t miss you.

😂😂😂

I think I’m supposed to be hurt by that? Not sure. We’re you under the impression i thought they would?

I suggest after this is all over you attempt to build a support network, but you’ll need to tone down the aggression and the attitude first.

Oh there’s that word again.

alloutoffucks · 28/03/2020 14:16

@JuanSheetIsPlenty did you miss that a neighbour i have never met got me a few items yesterday? Of course i can imagine having no one to help except a stranger.
No one is saying this is a good situation, but you need to find solutions.

alloutoffucks · 28/03/2020 14:17

And for lots of single parents there will be shops they can still go into.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 14:17

Btw hearts, I’m not actually in the situation Op describes. I can go shopping without bringing DC, I shop for others who can’t and I have people who can shop for me if I’m stuck. I just also happen to possess the ability to think of people who aren’t as fortunate as me.

LotsaDo · 28/03/2020 14:18

Also it bugs me that vulnerable ,poor or otherwise restricted people are expected to just get on with the bare minimum( at best )or less. Eat pasta for 12 weeks and wipe your arse with newspaper.

God yes, there's soo much of this. Lots of people preaching from their big houses with well stocked cupboards and nice gardens about how poor people's children won't starve if they only eat dry bread for three weeks and how selfish flat dwellers are for daring to take their children to the park for some fresh air more than once a week.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 14:19

but you need to find solutions.

Found one.

izzywizzygood · 28/03/2020 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LotsaDo · 28/03/2020 14:19

I suggest after this is all over you attempt to build a support network, but you’ll need to tone down the aggression and the attitude first.

Shock What a horrible comment. Also, I can't stand people who can't possibly imagine why some people may struggle to have a support network nearby.

heartsonacake · 28/03/2020 14:20

I think I’m supposed to be hurt by that? Not sure. We’re you under the impression i thought they would?

JuanSheetIsPlenty Of course not, but too many people throw around “I’ll never come here again!” like it actually means something or your lack of money will make a difference to them.

Put it this way, if you’re saying that, everyone you’re saying that to/about is exceptionally glad and hopes you stick to it.

Oh there’s that word again.

Yep. I suspect it’s one of the reasons you’ve found yourself in your current situation.

alloutoffucks · 28/03/2020 14:20

I also see so many people saying they are self isolating because they are in a vulnerable group. I would guess about one sixth of the population is in a vulnerable group. The chances are you still need to shop, but you need to do as few shops as you can.

LotsaDo · 28/03/2020 14:21

Leave the rats at home!

Another Shock! Dear God, I need to start avoiding Mumsnet I think...

alloutoffucks · 28/03/2020 14:23

@LotsaDo no one is saying eat dry bread for 3 days. Simply that you may not be able to buy exactly what you are used to buying.
Hyperbole is not a help.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 28/03/2020 14:24

Ohhh likening children to vermin. Didn't take long. But ofc there's no contempt or hidden agendas under the "greater good umbrella". Nope,nothing to see here.

alloutoffucks · 28/03/2020 14:27

Its very elderly people I think who are most at risk if they have no one to shop for them. A friend is in this category, lives a long way from me, and is only using very local shops. Really she should be able to stay in.

Some parents seem so used to kids being put first that they get angry about any restrictions.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 14:28

Of course not, but too many people throw around “I’ll never come here again!” like it actually means something or your lack of money will make a difference to them.

No I said it in direct response to your comment that I would be banned. The ban would be redundant because 1) they already weren’t letting me in and 2) after refusing to let me in I wouldn’t be returning to shop there anyway so a ban would achieve precisely zilch.

Put it this way, if you’re saying that, everyone you’re saying that to/about is exceptionally glad and hopes you stick to it.

I said it to you. Just you. Do you work in any of the shops in my town, none of which have banned me and wouldn’t have a clue what you’re on about? Confused

Yep. I suspect it’s one of the reasons you’ve found yourself in your current situation.

Which is what exactly? Go on, enlighten me, I’ll enjoy this.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 28/03/2020 14:32

Also, I can't stand people who can't possibly imagine why some people may struggle to have a support network nearby.
I have to admit that I don't get it eitherBlush I moved here from abroad by myself. Within a month I knew people who I could ask for help and knew who my neighbours are. It doesn't have to be a bff who you ask for help. You can ask a reasonable acquaintance. Some people present this as literally not knowing a soul, which is why many people don't believe it.

Ragwort · 28/03/2020 14:32

I would genuinely love to know how many areas don’t now have volunteer community groups. I have just hand delivered leaflets to over 100 houses near me, information has previously been on line but we wanted to get the leaflets out to people who don’t use social media.

Please OP, & anyone else in this situation, try and find out what help is available in your area. If you are struggling to find out I am sure another mumsnetter could help you, via a private message, to see what there is in your locality.

LotsaDo · 28/03/2020 14:35

Some parents seem so used to kids being put first that they get angry about any restrictions

In what world does this have anything to do with this discussion. No one here has said their children should be put first, rather that they shouldn't be banned.
It's also not a competition. Of course elderly people who don't have anyone to shop for them are at risk...but if shops are making it impossible for single parents to do so too then we also put them at risk. Surely it's better that the volunteer groups are left free to shop for the elderly and vulnerable who need help, meaning that there is less risk to them and allow parents to carry on shopping in the supermarket.

Ragwort · 28/03/2020 14:35

Omg I made this point on another thread, some people almost pride themselves on being ‘private’ and not needing any support, it’s always been very important to me to have a network, to know my neighbours and to be part of a community, and now, when we have such an unprecedented situation, I am so grateful that I am part of a supportive community.

Boudicabooandbulldogs · 28/03/2020 14:36

Why can we not look outside our own experience and offer compassion to others unless it’s being forced on us by rules.
I’m not a single mum but I’m alone in my home with my SN son. I have stopped going to work as I’m lucky enough to be able to do so. I haven’t panic bought, I have complied with social distancing. My personal options might be otherwise. However as an intelligent compassionate adult I can see the need for this in the wider community.
I can also see how some people’s circumstances mean the ONLY viable choice they have is to take their young children or older SN children to the shops with them. Is it ideal, of course not but the whole situation is far from ideal.
Treat others with some respect and understand their circumstances could be incredibly difficult. I work with abuse survivors and I know many women who could not have left their children home with the other parent. How many are still in this position. Nothing is simple.

alloutoffucks · 28/03/2020 14:37

It is rare IME if you have kids that there is no one you can ask. Usually there are parents of your kids friends.
I think often what people mean is there is no one they want to ask like good friend or a family member. But you are only asking them to get you some food, not care for your first born until they are 18.

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