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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A local shop is refusing entry to single parents

619 replies

Throwaway667 · 28/03/2020 09:58

I feel completely enraged by this. With delivery and collection slots now going to the vulnerable (as they should) it’s becoming more difficult to buy essential shopping as it is.
To remove access to essential goods based on the person having a dependant they can’t leave at home is upsetting imo.
Surely this is discrimination?

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 28/03/2020 13:19

When my child and I haven’t left the house in 10 days (he has a learning disability so is classed as vulnerable)

Surely you’d qualify for one of those shopping slots for the vulnerable then.

scaryreading · 28/03/2020 13:19

My dc went to secondary school independently at 11 using public transport?

Celeano · 28/03/2020 13:20

Your thread title is incorrect. Some shops are not allowing children in, irrespective of whether their parents are married, cohabiting or separated.

If you give some clue about the area you’re in OP, I can imagine that there will be MNers who are happy to shop for you and leave the goods for you in a manner which is totally safe. Very many areas have these schemes set up anyway for vulnerable people who cannot leave their homes. If there isn’t one in your area then I’m sure MNers will gladly step in. Shopping and payment can be delivered in a safe manner. Far safer than venturing out to the shops with a child anyway.

I completely understand why some shops are saying no children - having seen kids running up and down aisles, not keeping any distance away from other shops and even touching goods on display I don’t blame the shops one iota

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 28/03/2020 13:21

No children is exactly the same as no single parents.
What exactly are we supposed to do with them when we need essential food?! Once again single parents get short shrift.

JMKid · 28/03/2020 13:22

I'm a single parent and went to Tesco with DS. He held my hand the whole way around. There was plenty of couples and even full on families, 2 kids & 2 parents. Tesco said this is stopping from tomorrow, only 1 adult unless have a child with them due to specific circumstances.

Iggly · 28/03/2020 13:23

Any claiming that the OP is being misleading is, quite frankly, being obtuse.

It’s appalling and short sighted. OP I’d complain to the supermarket and twitter shame them too. You won’t be the only one.

heartsonacake · 28/03/2020 13:23

JuanSheetIsPlenty Your kids are your problem. They don’t have to make their policy work for you.

If you, OP or anyone else tried this you would be politely told they couldn’t help you in that way. Ringing their head office wouldn’t bother them; they have too much on their plate right now to worry about placating unreasonable customers particularly when they know head office will deliver the same message.

If you were filming them or becoming aggressive you would be asked to leave the premises and escorted off by security if you didn’t.

They don’t have to do what you say just because you’ve gone all Karen on them that their policy inconveniences you.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 28/03/2020 13:24

So OP when you hand the list over you film yourself doing it and you tell them you’re now calling their head office to inform them that you’ve had to resort to this measure and you trust they will ensure the staff member, whose name you have taken, will return promptly to you. You could even live stream to social media.

Do NOT stream life or record shop staff adhering to company policy! Fucking ridiculously stupid thing to do. It's not their fault and like this they will just be targeted!

SarahTancredi · 28/03/2020 13:26

They don’t have to do what you say just because you’ve gone all Karen on them that their policy inconveniences you

I think not being able to shop for food at all is more than just inconvenient.

These children you want to deprive of food are the next generation of drs and care workers and delivery drivers who will take care of you when the next crisis hits.

BlueRaincoat1 · 28/03/2020 13:26

I saw up thread someone saying this isn't discrimination.

Legally, you are not allowed discriminate against someone on the grounds of their sex, including indirect sex discrimination.

This is where you have a rule which applies to both sexes - but disproportionately negatively effects one sex.

In this case, most single parents are women, therefore women are negatively affected more than men, as they are more likely to be prevented from entering the shop (as more likely to have children in tow).

The shop can justify this if it is 'a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim'. The aim, to lessen the spread of coronavirus, is legitimate. The question is whether leaving lone parents with no way to buy food is proportionate. I would say it is not, and probably is indirect sex discrimination.

SoupDragon · 28/03/2020 13:28

Your kids are your problem.

Delightful.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 13:30

Your kids are your problem. They don’t have to make their policy work for you.

You keep saying that but you’re wrong. They do in fact have to make sure all their customers can still access essentials. That includes children and their parents.

placating unreasonable customers

Nothing remotely unreasonable about expecting to have the same access to essential supplies as people who have childcare. You’re either being a complete idiot or deliberately obtuse. Probably a mix of both.

If you were filming them or becoming aggressive

Who mentioned aggressive? Hmm wow! How easily you did that. Quite disgusting really.

They don’t have to do what you say just because you’ve gone all Karen on them that their policy inconveniences you.

Who is Karen?

Wannabangbang · 28/03/2020 13:30

I agree re sex discrimination. It clearly is but I'm so pleased some shops are still letting us single mums still shop. Hopefully the security will judge based on circumstances who can bring a child in. Should be couples with kids =No
Couples together=no, no need for 2 adults to shop together and 1 single dad and kids =yes One single mum and kids =yes

Because single mums and their kids still need to eat.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 28/03/2020 13:31

They don’t have to do what you say just because you’ve gone all Karen on them that their policy inconveniences you

If you weren't such a scumbag steve(name insults work both ways) and stopped to think before you type, you'd realise that needing essential supplies and food is slightly different from calling the manager because one of your chips is slightly burnt.

But you keep on being all self righteous and selfish , with little thought of the difficulties that people that are in a worse or more vulnerable position than you face. Such a Steve!

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 13:31

Do NOT stream life or record shop staff adhering to company policy! Fucking ridiculously stupid thing to do. It's not their fault and like this they will just be targeted!

Do whatever you have to do to get your kids fed OP.

Wannabangbang · 28/03/2020 13:32

And for posters bashing us single parents as aggressive. I'm bloody sick of it.

I have and would never insult or get aggressive with staff.

Couple don't magically equal lovely poeple im afraid.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 28/03/2020 13:33

If companies want to implement policies that exclude certain customers from buying food and they expect their staff to enforce it then they should be happy for that to be made public knowledge.

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 28/03/2020 13:33

@heartsonacake

your kids are your problem

Don't you sound lovely!
I assume you're in the fortunate position of not having to decide between leaving young children alone or having no food to feed them.

How about we extend your way of thinking to all the people no scrambling for benefits and government help...no money to pay rent/mortgage/buy food?
Not my problem! Your revolutionary thinking will save the government a shit tonne! After all, it's not their problem...

Princessfaffalot · 28/03/2020 13:33

You need to ask MNHQ to change your title. It’s needlessly inflammatory. The shop is banning children, it’s nothing to do with your relationship status.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 28/03/2020 13:34

Who is Karen?

Karen is a sexist and ageist stereotype going alongside a severe bob cut for anyone that wants to "speak to the manager", mostly for ridiculous reasons.

Ofc, some people aren't smart enough to use it accurately or appropriately, not that there actually is a need to use it at all.

Wannabangbang · 28/03/2020 13:34

princessafalot

Yes it does because people that are in couples don't need to bring their kids

Single parents have no choice

Wake up

jackdawdawn · 28/03/2020 13:34

Not everyone has family support, grandparents are meant to keep their distance, and not everyone has a car. And any special need kids can't be left home alone even for five minutes, alone outside shops , in cars or otherwise, ever. These measures are really very difficult for some people.

heartsonacake · 28/03/2020 13:35

JuanSheetIsPlenty All you’ll do is just get yourself banned from whatever supermarket you try this at so crack on.

And yes, while legal, filming someone without their consent is an aggressive act.

VashtaNerada · 28/03/2020 13:37

YANBU OP. If you can’t leave your children at home safely they absolutely should be allowed to come shopping with you. Some people might be lucky enough to have neighbours who will shop for them, many won’t. So you’re left with either a) leaving children at home alone, or b) not feeding your family. Absolutely not on.

DidoLamenting · 28/03/2020 13:37

They don’t have to do what you say just because you’ve gone all Karen on them that their policy inconveniences you

Who is Karen?

"Karen" is a lazy, stupid, misogynistic trope used by lazy, stupid, misogynistic people to criticise a woman who stands up for herself.

Any claiming that the OP is being misleading is, quite frankly, being obtuse

Indeed, obtuse and unpleasant.