Abused by dog walkers, I'm shaken up. WIBU?

[Roostersmum2]

I've been isolating at home for 9 days as I've been unwell, we have no garden so I've been in desperate need of some fresh air. Me and DH decided to take the DC (2 and 1yr) out in the pram for a short walk down the local canal.

There was a bloke walking the opposite way who passed us. He was wearing headphones and "rapping" out loud. Swearing.

Ten minutes later we saw him again coming behind us and he'd met up with with another bloke who had a big bull mastiff type dog which was off it's lead.

I asked DH to slow down and stop for a second because the dog had stopped stationary and was looking at us. I said "just wait a second with the pram and let them get ahead with the dog"

Admittedly I was a bit intimidated but I wasn't saying anything remotely offensive about the dog or it's owners.

The bloke we saw initially (headphones on rapping) started swearing saying "if you're going to talk about the fucking dog then say it to us"

I responded and said I'm weary of dogs in general so we are letting you go ahead.

He then began ranting about how people like me (with two young children) are good for nothing except laying down and spreading our legs.

I took the pram from DH and said let's just turn and go back this way, we walked off and he continued to swear and rant.

I checked behind us as we were walking off and they were pursuing us for a minute then turned and went back in the direction they were headed.

I'm very shaken up now and upset.

Was I being unreasonable or offensive

That’s just awful, OP. I’m not surprised you’re upset. Sending . And no, YANBU.

Minty, he began shouting and swearing because he took offence from me telling DH to stop for a minute so the dog could get ahead of the pram. As I said.

You've lead a lucky life if you've never come across the type of person who jumps at the chance to abuse people to assert dominance. I live in South East London, people like this are ten a penny.

People can be attacked for so much as glancing in the direction of somebody walking past. It happens.

I did nothing to the idiot, I just wanted some space between their large loose dog and my pram so asked DH to wait while they got ahead.

If you think this warrants the disgusting tirade that I received then you're part of the problem.

In support of the OP, I have come across a woman who reacted badly to me saying that I would let her past with her dog they was attempting to savage my dog.

I am a pretty laid back person and in no way aggressive and she reacted like I had urinated on her shoes. Ranting and raving and threatening to ‘have me’.

Then every time I say her thereafter she would about abuse at me. I had to get the police involved in the end. However she told them I wanted to fight her! You literally cannot win with some people, as they just want to bully their way around.

Try not to engage with people like this at all.

Horrible man. Of course it’s frightening for you and your husband. Awful. But don’t take it personally. Hard I know. But some people are foul and always looking for a fight. He’s probably not having a great life but you can’t help that. Put the kettle on now.

Sure, sure, this guy just started shouting and swearing at you for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Yes because everyone in the world is absolutely reasonable and well intentioned.

I assume that either you have lived a sheltered life, or you're the type of person who reacts aggressively to very normal interactions.

I think quite a few people are sitting at home taking drugs at the moment.

People with large aggressive-looking dogs often do understand they need to control the dog and keep a distance from walkers with DC. The disgusting owners who see these dogs as trophy dogs are a different breed themselves! One to be avoided at all costs if you can! YANBU!

I have no idea what your post to me was about, @SoleBizzz. Perhaps you misunderstood?

That would disturb me too.
Ignore it. People are irrational at the moment. This virus is msking people crazy. Not your fault.

"picking a fight"

Bloody hell, the victim-blaming on here sometimes - especially from dog supremacists

A mother with pram being scared of some aggressive yobs with large dogs is picking a fight now 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP:
You did nothing wrong
They are feral scum, who would scare nearly anyone,
including some keyboard warriors here

I hope you are enjoying a nice relaxing cuppa now

It sounds like you made your discomfort obvious and they were offended. Yes they weren't very nice about it but they might get it alot based on your judgement from his appearance and dog. Could they also have felt it was racially biased aswell? It sounds like you looked back a few times and I'm guessing you said something about the dog being off lead or dangerous looking. The dog will have also picked up on your anxiety and could have been quite nervous of you as a result. I have a "dangerous looking" dog and it's infuriating, but I just say "oh shes lovely dont worry" but I also just say "you guys are walking faster than us let us move out your way" with a smile if I want someone to go past us. Maybe put out more positivity in future even if you feel nervous, you can't judge people (or dogs) by their appearance.

Sure, sure, this guy just started shouting and swearing at you for absolutely no reason whatsoever

You've never seen that happen? Where do you live, in a Disney film?

I do understand why dog owners could be offended if people react with fear to their (well trained) dogs.

The tosser in the headphones set the tone today by coming along a quiet path swearing loudly as he passed me and the children (rapping i believe) so when I saw him again with a friend and big dog in tow I was probably more on alert than I would have been if it was a family out walking a pet or just a man minding his own business.

Oh please like there aren't plenty of idiots out there. You did nothing wrong, if I thought a dog looked vicious I would keep it well away from my kid in a pram. Unfortunately there are a lot of losers out there who are just looking for a fight. What kind of decent person would be ranting and raving in front of a child?

Some people think they are hiding their emotions when its written large over their face and bodies. He may have thought you were judging him poorly and thinking he was scummy and brexity.

You should find somewhere else to walk. How did he get past you and maintain 2 metres distance, bearing in mind how narrow towpaths are!
Advice from Canals trust. canalrivertrust.org.uk/enjoy-the-waterways/safety-on-our-waterways/coronavirus

But he was an arse.

Also I know they weren't upset at being racially profiled as we are all white

I wonder if you were unintentionally making your internal thoughts external by your body language and look on your face (i can do this without realising it sometimes) I wonder if your distaste for his actions and behaviour was written all over your face. Now I'm in no way saying you're wrong to feel like that. He's clearly an uneducated looking for trouble bully boy. But I wouldn't be accidentally waging red flags at people like that. I wouldn't be cow towing to them either. My DH always taught me to 'brass it out' (I hate dogs. I'm terrified of them and shit myself silently if an 'aggressive' breed cones near me and my kids off the lead. I'm also a wimp with scary people) but following my husband advice I'd look up. Talk at a decent volume. Look confident and just say something along the lines of 'way you go lads. We're on the go slow here' gesture with your hand signalling for them to overtake. Do it with a firm smile. Don't look terrified. Sorry you had this experience.

I wonder if you were unintentionally making your internal thoughts external by your body language and look on your face (i can do this without realising it sometimes) I wonder if your distaste for his actions and behaviour was written all over your face

It's possible that this might have been the case and I didn't realise it at the time definitely. It certainly wasn't intentional though.

Talk at a decent volume. Look confident

That was what I did as I responded to him swearing at me, it just added fuel go the fire in this case

He was clearly out to cause a reaction. Just like a naughty child - don't rise to it. If some tosser did that in front of my kids I'd distract them and afterwards just say something like 'people like that weren't bought up well with kind and loving parents. They don't know right from wrong. Aren't we lucky we do.'

He is just a low life piece of chav scum really OP. Pity the f*r. He's probably drugged up anyway and won't remember you of he ever saw you again.

Not surprised your upset - saw something similar years ago and it’s stayed with me snd the horrible incident wasn’t even aimed at me but another woman with a young child and her dog. I hate these folk so much, World would be better without them

Disgusting behaviour. Poor you

Also shocked your dh didn't stick up for you to be honest.

He sounds like a thug who enjoys intimidating people. There are a fair few about, unfortunately.

There are also a lot of people on this thread and in life who will bend over backwards to excuse this behaviour in an attempt to burnish their halo, make you feel guilty for having something they don't or other reasons of their own.

You weren't unreasonable and even if you had been, there's no excuse for deliberately intimidating a woman (or man) with children with them. It's despicable.

I think DH was intimidated himself to be honest. I do reckon that if he had said something to them it would have escalated quickly and we wouldn't have come out of it well.