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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abused by dog walkers, I'm shaken up. WIBU?

84 replies

Roostersmum2 · 27/03/2020 14:51

I've been isolating at home for 9 days as I've been unwell, we have no garden so I've been in desperate need of some fresh air. Me and DH decided to take the DC (2 and 1yr) out in the pram for a short walk down the local canal.

There was a bloke walking the opposite way who passed us. He was wearing headphones and "rapping" out loud. Swearing.

Ten minutes later we saw him again coming behind us and he'd met up with with another bloke who had a big bull mastiff type dog which was off it's lead.

I asked DH to slow down and stop for a second because the dog had stopped stationary and was looking at us. I said "just wait a second with the pram and let them get ahead with the dog"

Admittedly I was a bit intimidated but I wasn't saying anything remotely offensive about the dog or it's owners.

The bloke we saw initially (headphones on rapping) started swearing saying "if you're going to talk about the fucking dog then say it to us"

I responded and said I'm weary of dogs in general so we are letting you go ahead.

He then began ranting about how people like me (with two young children) are good for nothing except laying down and spreading our legs.

I took the pram from DH and said let's just turn and go back this way, we walked off and he continued to swear and rant.

I checked behind us as we were walking off and they were pursuing us for a minute then turned and went back in the direction they were headed.

I'm very shaken up now and upset.

Was I being unreasonable or offensive Confused

OP posts:
Poppi89 · 27/03/2020 15:20

They sound like twats but some people treat their dogs like their own children so thinking you were saying something bad about the dog could have got his back up - no excuse.
I get that your shaken up but I would try not to let it ruin your future walks.

bringincrazyback · 27/03/2020 15:21

You could have spotted they were arses & up for a fight & not said something about being weary of dogs. I get impression you don't like dogs & they could tell. They wouldn't miss that opportunity.

Don't you think that's a tad victim-blame-y? Someone saying they're wary of dogs isn't being offensive, they're stating a fact. OP was giving context to her actions and received abuse in return.

helgahelga · 27/03/2020 15:23

I feel your pain a bit @Roostersmum2 I jumped out of the car at our little sainsburys store today (to pick up some kitchen roll and milk and bread,) and didn't realise I had cut into a long queue of 25-30 people 5-6 ft apart and all round the car park. I thought it was only the 3 people by the door. I was in a world of my own and genuinely didn't mean to do it.

A man behind me yelled, actually YELLED... at me 'THE BACK OF THE QUEUE IS THERE!!! whilst he pointed towards the back of the car park. I said 'oh gosh I am sorry...' 'I should bloody think so' he snarled. 'Now get to the back!'

3 or 4 people piped up and said 'honestly mate, there was no need for that, I don't think she did it on purpose.' (I didn't!) I thanked them, and said in earshot of him 'thanks guys, but no worries, I'm not bothered, but I bet he wouldn't have spoken like that to a man.'

I said 'I will pop back later when the queue has died down because I knew Aldi only had 10 or so people waiting.' He just glared at me as I got in my car.

Horrible man.

This shit is bringing out the best in people, AND the worst!

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 27/03/2020 15:23

Yes to clarify it was the dog owners friend who was walking with him and the dog, not the dog owner himself.

I'm still a bit shaky. I'm medicated for anxiety so I'm probably less resilient than most.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/03/2020 15:23

You did nothing wrong but in my experience it’s really best not to interact past a pleasantry, just something like I was just saying the dogs gorgeous. We had one just like it, made me sad, just wanted to let you get ahead. Said With a smile.

It’s not right you need to placate, but in reality it really is the best way to handle situations like this.

I grew up in a rough area, trust me, these fuckers will use any excuse to turn as they are looking for trouble. If you’re able to deal with them turning, then deal, otherwise be brief, be complimentary and walk away as quickly as possible. It’s the only way to disarm them.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 27/03/2020 15:25

@helgahelga I'm sorry you had to put up with that, what a rude tosser.

I agree this is bringing out the worst in some people.

OP posts:
lotusbell · 27/03/2020 15:26

I'm not a dog fan and have had a few encounters with dog owners over the years. Obviously not tarring all dog owners with the same brush but for me, owners are a big part of the reason I don't like dogs! That look of pure disgust you get from some people when you don't automatically coo and fawn over their dog, the ones that let them bounce over to you and start jumping at you, saying 'oh she's just bring friendly'. Maybe she is, doesn't mean I want her to do it. The ones that turn foul mouthed when you dare look at them or ask them to move because they are stood in a way that means they and their dog are blocking the pavement so you have to step into a road to get past them. I understand why people own dogs and love them but I can't understand the mentality that everyone should share that view.

LolaSmiles · 27/03/2020 15:27

They were exceptionally rude and out of order. It sounds like the mate was looking for a fight.

I can see how commenting about the dog could be seen as passive aggressive though. I'm a responsible owner with medium to large dogs and it's a personal bugbear of mine hearing people take one look at my (well trained and calm) dogs and then talk about them in earshot making out like they're some sort of threat. I just inwardly roll my eyes,smile and carry on my walk though.

I'm not saying you were doing that OP and nothing excuses the abuse though.

DoulaDaisy · 27/03/2020 15:27

In future don't say anything about being weary about the dog, if they say anything just say 'we're having a slow stroll so you can nip on ahead of us if you like'

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 27/03/2020 15:27

You did nothing wrong but in my experience it’s really best not to interact past a pleasantry, just something like I was just saying the dogs gorgeous. We had one just like it, made me sad, just wanted to let you get ahead. Said With a smile.

That is a very good idea in hindsight, bonus being it may have made the twit feel quite silly.

I'll bare this in mind if this ever happens again which I hope it doesn't

OP posts:
lotusbell · 27/03/2020 15:28

Sorry, I went off on a tangent there, OP. You did nothing wrong, he sounds like he was spoiling for a fight anyway.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 27/03/2020 15:31

Of course you were not being unreasonable. The bloke was obviously a misogynistic gobshite who gets off on bullying people. Let's hope he tries that shit on with someone who does martial arts and takes the lowlife scum down. The only way to deal with men like that is to castrate them.

helgahelga · 27/03/2020 15:32

Awwww thanks @Roostersmum2 Grin I am sorry you had to tolerate the shit you had to tolerate too! Flowers

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/03/2020 15:33

He then began ranting about how people like me (with two young children) are good for nothing except laying down and spreading our legs

Sounds like the sort of verbal slurry involved in so much rapping has infested what passes for his mind

Ignore it, OP - I know it's upsetting and I'm sorry about that, but just think what it must be like to live inside a mind like this

Fedupandpoor · 27/03/2020 15:33

You did nothing wrong op. The guys probably been through some awful stuff in his life, or he's just a tosser. Either way not your fault.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 27/03/2020 15:34

I have nothing against dogs in general but had a very frightening experience as a child.

My mother was taking me for a walk down the seafront and one made a beeline for me and jumped up at me in the pram barking aggressively. I was under 4 and still remember it now.

I think subconsciously, that experience has made me nervous about loose dogs being in close proximity to my own children in the pram.

I know that isn't these blokes fault and they weren't to know that, but even if that hadnt of happened to me years ago, I still think I would be a bit uneasy given the general demeanour of the sweary bloke.

People like that tend to have intimidating dogs for a reason IMO. I say that as somebody who grew up in a rough area and saw plenty of it.

OP posts:
ellaandthebella · 27/03/2020 15:37

@Roostersmum2 Oh that makes more sense :) I wrongly presumed because you said isolating.

MintyMabel · 27/03/2020 15:37

I'm medicated for anxiety so I'm probably less resilient than most.

Probably best off not picking a fight with people you judge the minute you see them then.

LolaSmiles · 27/03/2020 15:38

I know what you mean OP. I used to be terrified of dogs and freeze on the spot on occasions.

You're right that some people use their dogs as a symbol of intimidation. As an aside though, the dog breeds aren't intimidating; their owners train their dogs to behave in certain ways.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 27/03/2020 15:41

@MintyMabel would you call somebody wanting to let a loose dog get ahead so it isn't by a pram with two young children in it picking a fight? I feel sorry for those who cross your paths then

OP posts:
Roweeeeena · 27/03/2020 15:49

You did nothing wrong OP. We have a few of the same type around here with these enormous xl bully dogs with cropped ears. I have had dogs all my life and even I feel nervous around them. I can't understand why you'd want an enormous, muscular, intimidating looking dog unless you fancy yourself as a bit of a gangsta and want to make people feel uncomfortable.
Unfortunately you bumped into a total knob. Try to forget and move on. He will still be a knob tomorrow.

Dieu · 27/03/2020 15:51

Oh my goodness, what utter scumbags. And I say that as a massive dog lover myself. Hope you're ok Thanks

MintyMabel · 27/03/2020 15:52

would you call somebody wanting to let a loose dog get ahead so it isn't by a pram with two young children in it picking a fight?

Sure, sure, this guy just started shouting and swearing at you for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Bookoffacts · 27/03/2020 15:59

You're husband will be shaken up because they could have harmed or killed his wife and two little children and they were aggressive and had a big dog and he will be feeling desperate about that. Men like to be your protector and when there's a danger they can't protect you from it affects them a lot.

TheVanguardSix · 27/03/2020 16:00

What a horrible man.
Please don't think all of us dog walkers are like him. You just ran into an unhinged angry person.