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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to borrow space under someone's patio

82 replies

PatioCandidate · 27/03/2020 11:07

DH working from home for the first time today. I've been working at home since lockdown, we're in the same occupation but different fields. I've already had to interrupt what I was doing to sort out his internet connection.

In a burst of wifely affection I just took him a coffee and asked him whether he was going to come out to wave at the neighbours - we've developed a nice little tradition of going out at a set time to check we're all OK and have a quick long distance chat. So he immediately looked harassed and put upon, like this was some dreadful imposition. I took the piss a bit about Mr Cheerful, whereupon he said "MY work needs brain concentration". Because of course mine is a total doddle.

That's definitely the last coffee he gets brought. Something tells me it's going to be a l o o o o o n g lockdown, I may need to DH sized space under a patio before too long.

OP posts:

MrsMozartMkII · 27/03/2020 16:18

Hm. I have some land with a couple of nice dips left over from mining days a million years ago, could fit a few in there quite nicely

Payment not required. They need some filler

MrsSnitchnose · 27/03/2020 16:19

I have 2 large patios for use in Manchester for anyone that may need it
Plot reserved for my Dad when my Mum loses it altogether I also have a spade and an alibi ready

LosingMyShitHere · 27/03/2020 16:29

@PatioCandidate YANBU at all!

There are a bunch of women right now who are working from home, who have a man who has been furloughed on 80% salary, who think it's OK to sit doing their hobbies, watching TV, surfing the net, stuffing their faces, and binge-watching netflix boxsets.

I WFH and, DH has been put off work for 3 weeks (with 80% pay,) on Tuesday actually, and all he has done since is piss about, lie in bed, walk round the garden, and watch TV. He has not lifted a FINGER in the fucking house!

I went and did some shopping earlier, and was out 3 hours. He did FUCKALL in the house when I was out... washing up still all over the place, no ironing done, the washing not put on the line (that I put on before I went out,) and the bed not made.

I went mad. I said 'are you fucking kidding me?!' He looked puzzled. I said 'I am working from home while you have to do fuck-all, and I have done the shopping and paid some bills, and you are sat here in front of your 5th episode of fucking Breaking Bad?!'

He still looked puzzled.

I said 'you are off til 20th April' (he has booked Easter off too,) 'and if you think it gives you a free pass to sit on your fucking ARSE all day, you are VERY MUCH mistaken!' I was steaming honestly!

He shuffled off and started to put the dry goods away, and went to wash up.

For fuck's sake. Why do men have to be TOLD to do stuff?! Useless lumps some of them!

YewandOak · 27/03/2020 16:29

I have a patio free here in Somerset,if anyone local needs one! Pay me in books😃

MrsSnitchnose · 27/03/2020 16:31

Forgot to add, I will accept payment in either contraband chocolate or skyr yoghurts (The sour cherry ones)

AvonBarksdale99 · 27/03/2020 16:36

If it was the other way around and the OP had said ‘I was working hard doing X and Y and then my DP came in and said ‘do you want to come out and wave at the neighbours?!’ People would be going mental!!!

slashlover · 27/03/2020 16:40

Yup, especially if he took the piss a bit

LakieLady · 27/03/2020 16:45

@YewandOak, your offer is most attractive and payment terms very reasonable.

We also have loads of bubble wrap and black sacks, so I can wrap him up and hopefully it will look as though you're having a rug or something delivered.

Yodel tell me that they can collect the "rug" early next week, and deliver within 7-10 days.

I'll ship you a crate of books by way of deposit, two further crates when confirm receipt of the rug.

Many thanks.

samlh · 27/03/2020 16:46

@LosingMyShitHere

I feel your pain!! My husband works nights and I have been WFH since Tuesday.

He isn't working tonight (and more than likely won't be back in for the forseeable) and has spent from 9:30am until now on the bloody playstation but has the cheek to come in and shh me because I was on a conference call and my middle room echo's into the front room when the doors are open.

I lasted 3 days having him around during the day when I am here, I cannot last 12 weeks (I got the NHS high risk letter yesterday) of him being here when I am.

I'm already longing to go back to the office and only see him at weekends!

I genuinely also wouldnt mind him bringing me a coffee when he makes one but it's like I don't exist (the kitchen is via the dining room where I am situated)

I feel better for getting it out of my system and OP I have space under my back yard for multiple.... :D

DustyMaiden · 27/03/2020 16:54

DH finishes tonight, I always said I don’t look forward to retirement, half the money twice the husband. Well this is the practice run.
A deadly disease is one thing but this is some scary shit.

CrocodileFondue · 27/03/2020 16:57

Mine has been begged by DS to read him a book, he is doing it but in a really flat monotone because he's soo down. It's fucking infuriating!!

Nothing I can do though, if I raise the issue I'll get more lectures about how hard done to he is, then the shouting, crying and breaking things followed by complete silence for about a week.

slashlover · 27/03/2020 17:05

Mine has been begged by DS to read him a book, he is doing it but in a really flat monotone because he's soo down. It's fucking infuriating!!

Nothing I can do though, if I raise the issue I'll get more lectures about how hard done to he is, then the shouting, crying and breaking things followed by complete silence for about a week.

That's abuse.

CliveyBaby · 27/03/2020 17:05

Haha loving this!
DH and I are both WFH, but thankfully our house is on three floors, so I'm in the front room downstairs, and he's in the loft! We're nkt spending much time together so we don't get sick of each other!

Windyatthebeach · 27/03/2020 17:08

Op make sure to leave his bum out. Always somewhere to park a bike.....

SewItGoes · 27/03/2020 17:14

He probably shouldn't have made that comment about his work requiring concentration, but to be honest, I'd probably be annoyed, too, if someone interrupted me to say it was time to come wave to the neighbours. That's a "tradition" I'd rather not start.

One of the few good points of distancing is not having to engage with as many people for no reason at all, if I don't feel like it. If you like doing that, fine, but maybe he doesn't.

Fimofriend · 27/03/2020 17:31

Regarding teaching over the internet: have you seen this?

www.facebook.com/foilarmsandhog/videos/899444937160368/UzpfSTY5NzE4MDA4MDoxMDE1Nzc0MDYzMDMwMDA4MQ/ My DH teaches and says he can relate faaar too well

YewandOak · 27/03/2020 17:33

@lakielady I'll be home. The side will be unlocked - just let them know.

Stinkycatbreath · 27/03/2020 18:07

I have a back yard with some loose flag stones that need to be replaced. Ill host your husband permanently if you pay for the flags?

RishiSunakFanClub · 27/03/2020 18:40

I nearly voted YABU because we both know this won't be a loan, it will be permanent. 6' x 3' plot suit you?

Windyatthebeach · 27/03/2020 19:15

Oo my dh is 6'3!!!...

rosegoldwatcher · 27/03/2020 19:26

@milksoffagain - Great idea! Like a Brookside mash up with Strangers on a train!
Can I please bag a space for DH who (fabulous as he is really) seems to have forgotten how to wash up/load/unload the dishwasher/wipe down kitchen surfaces.

RishiSunakFanClub · 27/03/2020 21:46

Windyatthebeach I'm sure we can scrunch him up a bit to fit.

*rosegoldwatcher) I've reserved the next space for your DH.

Original poster

PatioCandidate · 27/03/2020 21:54

So you took the piss but then were offended when he said something back? Ok.

I'm assuming yours was gentle teasing while his was nasty?

ODFOD. Does it really sound as if I was massively offended? Just to spell it out, no, I don't think his was nasty, I think it was unthinking and a somewhat tactless.

FFS, Do we need flashing lights on our posts these days and a notice saying "I don't really want him killed, honest?"

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 27/03/2020 22:04

A deadly disease is one thing but this is some scary shit

You made me laugh, @DustyMaiden!

@CrocodileFondue does he have MH problems? That doesn’t mean he can take out his issues on you. The silent treatment really is abusive. How is your relationship otherwise?

Original poster

PatioCandidate · 27/03/2020 22:06

YABU to expect him to stop what he's doing to go chat to the neighbours and to take the piss out of him for wanting to get on.

He'd already stopped to say yes, he wanted coffee and to have the coffee. Where does it say I "expected" him to chat to the neighbours? I just asked him if he wanted to.

Your assumption there is that he was working hard at the relevant time. As I said, he wasn't. If my DH brought me a coffee and asked me if I wanted to do something that I didn't, I would simply have said something like "Not today" without trying to imply that my work was massively more difficult or important than his.

I must say, starting a thread like this is a real eye-opener in terms of the way people who are determined to criticise close their eyes to inconvenient facts.

OP posts:

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