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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I can't carry on with this 'show' any more?

76 replies

Pushpushpoosh · 26/03/2020 23:44

I am trying to remain upbeat and positive Infront of the kids but when they go to bed I'm consumed by anxiety of the current situation.
My dd has undiagnosed asthma she's on asthma medication but she's only 3 and no Dr will disagnose it so DH has been placed into a high risk area of his work however if we had proof DD has asthma he would be more protected but we can't get the proof because no Dr will speak to us.

If dh brings the virus home I don't know how did or her younger brother will manage it they've both been very unwell respiratory wise in the past and I'm just so worried.

I feel constantly sick and my face aches from clenching my jaw constantly because of the worry. I know everyone is feeling the same I don't want a pity party just a hand hold maybe?

I miss my mum so much, I see her most days usually and this is killing me. I honestly can't see a light at the end of this tunnel. But I know I need to get up in the morning and put on my brave face again. Right now I'm exhausted with the anxiety and worry of everything Sad

I am incredibly lucky, I know, we have food and dh has his job and my family are all currently well I don't want to complain. AIBU to just ask you to tell me this will all end at some point I can't see out at the minute.

OP posts:
whiplashy · 26/03/2020 23:47

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Ohdearymeshame · 26/03/2020 23:48

Your DD is undiagnosed but on medication for asthma? If a doctor won't diagnose her then it's because she isn't asthmatic.

What are you medicating her with and from where?

I'd be more worried about that.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 26/03/2020 23:51

Can your DH stay elsewhere for the time being?

Original poster
Pushpushpoosh · 26/03/2020 23:52

Montelukast and salbutamol... Both asthma medications prescribed by doctors unwilling to diagnose asthma as she may grow out of it... Hmm

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 27/03/2020 00:01

So your child isn’t actually asthmatic but has been given inhalers to relieve a potential short term childhood cough?
You can’t make a doctor diagnose asthma or any condition. You sound like you’re angry that your GP won’t give you the diagnosis that you desperately want in order to give your husband more protection at work.
Hmmm...

Original poster
Pushpushpoosh · 27/03/2020 00:01

I feel like we've been quite fibbed off in regards to a diagnosis, she's got all the symptoms on some meds but dr's are very reluctant to put a label on it.
We did think about DH moving out for a while but all our family he could stay with are either vulnerable or have children themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pushpushpoosh · 27/03/2020 00:03

The thing is she sees the asthma nurse twice a year, we queried taking her off the montelukast due to some worrying side effects but they advise we continue with it, she clearly has some respiratory issue if not asthma and I worry because of this she may be more vulnerable.

OP posts:
hedwigismyowl · 27/03/2020 00:04

Didn't t ink doctors could diagnose asthma in under 5's year olds however they will prescribe medications to manage the symptoms. Hence why I'm not surprised that you haven't got a formal diagnosis, but have got meds, nothing to be suspicious of.

hedwigismyowl · 27/03/2020 00:05

*think

symbioticpatriot · 27/03/2020 00:05

It's standard to say that in regards to a young child. My younger DD is the same while older DD and I both have asthma. Hmmto some posters acting as if OP is making it up. It's late; ease up!
That said OP I do worry it's more anxiety driving your all consuming fears than the asthma. As pointed out it's less likely to be an issue for children and your DD is well medicated and under GP. Your DH's situation doesn't sound great for anyone so he should keep pressing for the protection on the basis of her being medicated for asthma. Can you get a phone or online GP appointment?

soupforbrains · 27/03/2020 00:06

@whiplashy that’s actually bollocks. Check your facts before you start spouting this shit.

It doesn’t affect children as badly as other flu type viruses do. It does still affect kids. They are just at no higher risk than healthy adults. HOWEVER people of any age with respiratory problems are at higher risk.

Has your husband tried to tell HR that his daughter has respiratory problems? For most companies I believe his word would be good enough. I know my company, our clients and our subcontractors have not required evidence for this. And if they do require evidence then a copy of her prescription for the asthma medication should suffice. Especially as you can clearly state that the doctors is not taking appontements etc at the moment so you are unable to get a letter.

AngryTruckDriver · 27/03/2020 00:07

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NeverTwerkNaked · 27/03/2020 00:11

Could you and the kids move in with relatives and DH use your house to self isolate?

DD is on preventer inhaler plus montelukast, I feel your worry but like you say even a common cold can make them poorly

Original poster
Pushpushpoosh · 27/03/2020 00:13

I called the go today and the receptionist was quite shitty with me at first (understandable because I was 15th in the queue when I first called and asked if the gp could just write me a letter something I'm thinking she had been asked 50 times already that morning) but when she saw that we see the asthma nurse and saw dds hospital admissions and medications she was really understanding!
There are a few groups in she's workans all I want if for him to not be placed in the most at risk area if catching the virus but obviosuly noone WANTS to be in that area.
I do think my anxiety is making things seem worse but it is a real worry.
The gp or receptionist are going to give me a call tomorrow but as previous posters have said they don't like to diagnose asthma this young.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pushpushpoosh · 27/03/2020 00:14

Sorry awful typos there!
There are a few groups in DH's work all I want is for him**

OP posts:
soupforbrains · 27/03/2020 00:17

Hopefully they will be able to issue a letter saying that your child’s medical history means that they are high risk. They don’t have to confirm any kind of diagnosis in order to do that.

Hoping you get the outcome you need.

Comefromaway · 27/03/2020 00:18

I have asthma. Having asthma doesn’t actually put you on the at risk list. It has to be severe/unmanaged. I was very poorly as a child but now classed as low risk.

shinyredbus · 27/03/2020 00:19

So you want something (a note) to say your child has asthma when they cannot diagnose anyone under 5, so that your husband can stay home because you are anxious? My son has an inhaler and a nebuliser, they cannot diagnose asthma that young, hes 3 as well. If you are that worried, maybe your husband can stay in a different room.

middleager · 27/03/2020 00:23

OP, I empathise as it took me a long time to get an asthma diagnosis for my son even though he was on inhalers.
People can be dismissive (one TA said 'oh yeh my child had an inhaler for a cough) as seen on here.

I tried for a long time and was told he would grow out of it but it was only when he had a truly terrifying attack aged 8 that we finally got an official diagnosis.

My son's asthma is triggered by the air and hayfever, not exercise.
I think there is a lot of misunderstanding that only exercise causes this.

All I can say is try to push further with the letter or ask your DH to talk to his boss because I would hate for anyone to experience the terror of seeing your child unable to breathe and you helpless to assist.

Pixxie7 · 27/03/2020 00:27

The medication you are using are for allergic asthma. Therefore although at risk of coming in contact with an allergen she is no more than anyone else if she does come in contact.

Original poster
Pushpushpoosh · 27/03/2020 00:27

No @shinyredbus I'm not sure you've read my thread, I want my husband to work I absolutely do, just in a lower risk area, which is still as important and still a front line area, just slightly safer. Obviously most workers want the roles which are safer, someone's got to do the higher risk role, if that's DH, so be it but I'd rather do all we can to protect our family.

OP posts:
LittleRootie · 27/03/2020 00:38

Agree with soupforbrains your DH employer should accept that having a child who has been prescribed medication for a respiratory problem is reason enough to remove him from the higher risk area.

Are you still able to talk to and skype/facetime etc with your Mum for support? It must be really worrying for and exhausting for you Flowers

MindyStClaire · 27/03/2020 01:00

I have asthma. Having asthma doesn’t actually put you on the at risk list. It has to be severe/unmanaged. I was very poorly as a child but now classed as low risk.

To be in the 12 week shielding group, the asthma must be severe, and OP's DC would be unlikely to fall into that group even with a formal diagnosis.

But all asthmatics (and let's face it, in a couple of years the DC will magically qualify for a diagnosis) are in the vulnerable group, same as over 70s among others, and advised to be very cautious.

RaveOnThisCrazyFeeling · 27/03/2020 01:01

Many many children the world over have asthma. If this virus was killing kids with asthma or making them critically ill, we would be hearing all about it. It's not.

I understand why you're worried; it's a very worrying time. But your child is not one of the people at high risk from this. Thank goodness.

PotholeParadise · 27/03/2020 01:34

Silly responses up above.

It is normal for GPs to watch and wait and prescribe asthma medication without officially terming it asthma.