Or is my friend a selfish twat? (Childcare related)

[Flordelice]

I know I’m being judgey, but I think this is just so not OK.

Friend A works at a school, in an admin role. Currently working from home.

I just found out that A is sending their three young children to nursery full time still because they’re “technically a key worker”. WTF, they’re at home, the whole point is to keep those places for frontline staff why physically CAN’T be at home to look after kids.

So as not to drip feed: A also shares custody with their (highly irresponsible) ex, so these are not children who are being kept under strict isolation out of nursery. They will be going to and fro between houses and A won’t know exactly who they’ve seen or where they’ve been when with other parent.

I know it’s none of my business but AIBU to be shocked at the selfishness of this?

@Chiyo666 there are other ways of educating your students without going on 6 hour long lectures. All our exams have been suspended, I'm surprised yours haven't too. On the grand scheme of things I don't find it necessary right now.

@feelinguseless101 @Yorkshirepudding1987 like I said I'm not saying your jobs aren't important. And it sucks that your employers haven't updated their working from home guidelines considering everything that's not going on. I guess you guys are lucky the nurseries where you are are taking your children in. Our nursery won't take in children of police, fire fighters, prison officers etc, which again are equally as important and can't even be done at home.

@Breadandroses1 again all very important jobs. However if you can do it at home, you can do it with your children around.

@lordiewardiex it sucks that the NHS is prioritising patient care and care of the most vulnerable over children and a few healthy adults?

Your local council will have a list of providers for childcare for essential workers. All councils have been advised that they must provide a place where one is required for any NHS staff or other essential worker if they cannot do the role from home. This includes children who did not previously have a place in any child care setting. How do in know this? I was on a national conference call regarding it (my role is paid for by NHS but spans NHS and LA due to the legal requirements).

Whether you like it or not, I AM an essential worker. Whether I like it or not, I HAVE to send my kid to child care. I would honestly much prefer to bunker down and lock us all away. I do not want to put my baby and preschooler at any risk. I probably understand the risk more than most (today our conference call was about predicted deaths in our area, by age and social status and extent of predicted collateral damage by model).

I want to take my kids and run far away. But I can't.

Uni exams aren’t suspended so there’s not a lot i can do. I don’t make the rules. I’m not having my students fail a course that they pay 9 grand a year for when my child is fine at school. I’m also having to work as a key worker at the hospital so it makes no difference.

Totally ridiculous! It doesn't matter how hard it is to work from home, if a parent is home (with the exception of many vulnerable children) then the children shod be at home.

*should

@feelinguseless101

it sucks that the NHS is prioritising patient care and care of the most vulnerable over children and a few healthy adults?

Children and a few healthy adults? Basically all the private nurseries in my area are open with children and a few healthy adults. Never mind the schools and few healthy teachers. Who all have loved ones and families at home. Their lives matter too.

My post was originally in support of the NHS workers. Because all I've heard all week is 'I'm a key worker' - when in reality they aren't anything of the sort. When parents are WFH but refuse to keep their children at home because they are entitled to that childcare, their child needs routine, they can't concentrate when they are around etc. Especially when all you hear is, stay at home, save the NHS.

Fair enough you have an essential job in the NHS which now requires you to work from home.
But the majority of people working from home right now don't have an essential job which requires risking the lives of others.

"You can do any of those jobs with children around" Can you? Have you tried? I can't.
And I've spent my career working specifically on massive emergencies and crises so I'm not a stranger to pressure.

I can get a little bit done with my 6yo who is of a quiet disposition. Add a 3yo into the mix and no way. Might be able to do a few emails but not actual, concentrating work, no phone calls etc.

It sounds very much like you think childcare isn't actual work. It is. Are you a man? Because it tends to be men who don't value care as actual work. That's the only explanation for why you think an actual job can be done alongside it.

We're muddling through like lots of people by splitting the day and doing early mornings and nights (both key workers). But this is also only sustainable for so long and I'm very very concerned my team are going to get awful burnout (and make less good decisions along the way, which will have consequences).

I'm a WFH keyworker (single parent) who is sending my kids to nursery.

I work in social care - I have approx 200 vulnerable children on my case load at the moment. My own children are 5, 3 and 18 months. It is NOT POSSIBLE for me to do my role with my children around. I cannot take calls, focus, I can't even send an email without the toddler on my lap.

Of course I want to stay at home with my own children - my local authority continues to pay full pay to those who are at home self isolating or on dependants leave, so I could just sit at home not working, and be paid, and not be forking out over £1K a month for childcare. But then 200 vulnerable children are more likely to fall through the net, and the consequences of tang could be catastrophic.

Call me "unconscionable" if you wish, but you're wrong.

And not just that I can't get work done, even if I could, I wouldn't want to be having phone conversations in my home with my children around that they could listen to, about child sexual abuse, domestic violence and children who aren't getting fed at all at the moment now schools have shut. I won't expose my children to those conversations.

Sending my kids to nursery isn't done for my benefit or for my kids, it's so I can work and I can protect other kids from suffering neglect and abuse.

I think this has all gone a bit off topic and is no longer about OP’s friend, it’s become a place for mumsnetters to talk about how important their work is...

I’m an nhs frontline worker and my husband is trying to work from home. We have 3 young children but chose not to send them to school and nursery because it’s the right thing to do. It should only be used as a last resort. Most of the rest of the country is trying to work with the kids at home.

It sounds very much like you think childcare isn't actual work. It is. Are you a man?

Are you sexist? Living in the 50's?

I don't think parenting your own children is childcare, no.

However I can appreciate the struggles which come with working full time at home while parenting.

Obviously in normal circumstances I would expect anyone working any of these jobs to put their children to a childcare provider.

But this isn't normal circumstances.

The sooner people realise this, the better.

You might think you're a 'key worker' but if you were you wouldn't be working from home

What a load of shite

It may actually be because they have involvement with children’s services - children with a social worker are still able to go to school. Your friend may not have wanted this to be public knowledge.

I think a lot of people are being CF's. I have a friend, she works part time in community aged care - currently working from home. She went and shopped during the exclusive health care workers hour. In my opinion, she didn't need to. She's also posting a lot about being "on the front line" (She has no contact with patients).
It's annoying AF, but I cant control anyone else's actions, so I just roll my eyes and keep scrolling.

It is extremely selfish. Every single child (plus two trips out for the adult at drop off/pick up) who is attending school or nursery is more risk being exposed onto others. I imagine it is very hard to work from home whilst also looking after children but this is a horrendous time and we've got to get through it. I'm sure key workers who are having to alternate shifts at work with their partners to avoid school aren't finding it easy either but they're doing it. Our schools have made it clear if ANYONE is at home, WFH or not their child cannot attend the school.

Quite the opposite. Quite.

Looking after children is work. Whether they are yours or someone else's.

Incidentally school attendance numbers are actually really low- between 5 & 10% - so I don't think a lot of people are 'taking the piss' at all.

I work in a school and I would not send my child in at the moment , increased risk of catching the virus .
Two schools in my town have already had to close for a deep clean and all staff , children go into isolation this week .

I thought people weren't really taking the piss - until 4 out of 7 children in school today (one family) have a dad who is self employed and not working (not essential work).

While I really want to completely isolate and keep my family safe I get that my job is to look after children of other key workers so they can keep us fed / safe. This also means having to send my youngest to school (DH also a key worker) I want the lowest risk to everyone possible though!