Or is my friend a selfish twat? (Childcare related)

[Flordelice]

I know I’m being judgey, but I think this is just so not OK.

Friend A works at a school, in an admin role. Currently working from home.

I just found out that A is sending their three young children to nursery full time still because they’re “technically a key worker”. WTF, they’re at home, the whole point is to keep those places for frontline staff why physically CAN’T be at home to look after kids.

So as not to drip feed: A also shares custody with their (highly irresponsible) ex, so these are not children who are being kept under strict isolation out of nursery. They will be going to and fro between houses and A won’t know exactly who they’ve seen or where they’ve been when with other parent.

I know it’s none of my business but AIBU to be shocked at the selfishness of this?

Wow - people are still bending the rules. It’s quite simple - if you are at home, including working from home, your children should be at home. This isnt subjective, or a grey area, it shouldn’t be a decision between sending them to school/nursery/childminder or not - the government has specifically stated that if you are at home, your children should be at home. A lot of childcarers, who are risking their own health btw, are asking for confirmation from employers that key workers are actually at their usual place of work and not working from home. Yes it’s shit, the thought of trying to work with your young children around your feet but...there’s this thing called Coronavirus and trying to stop it spread.

She might have discussed it with the school and her manager and might be really needed to wfh, uninterrupted.

Unless she can rely on the children's father to have them regularly enough, then she has no choice.

Wfh is also to keep people off public transport and minimise the risk of car accidents etc.

I see two posters, with partners, can't see the difference that being a LP would make.

Also, once again, Admin Staff aren't appreciated, when they are as vital as front facing workers.

I see the first reply is It’s none of your Business. Here’s the thing though. Sadly this is the whole worlds business!! We literally are all in this together.
A gathering of God knows how many people having a garden party next door. That’s not of my business Well yes it damn well is my business’! At a time like this. All this none of Business really isn’t going to help stop the spread. It’s petrifying how many people are not taking this at all let alone extremely seriously.

@lordiewardiex
You might think you're a 'key worker' but if you were you wouldn't be working from home

Who will process peoples benefit claims then if we arent key workers?

I'm working at home with a toddler, my sister is doing with 3 kids plus homeschooling, that's just what we have to do. Dunno why some think it's harder for them than others so they can send to nursery! We are all in this together

YANBU at all.

She's happily putting the health of the childcare staff at risk for her CONVENIENCE. That's not what it's for!

Of course it is everyone's business.
She is a selfish idiot.
It is really disgusting when people put others at risk when they don't HAVE to. My husband and I are both key workers but both can work at home, looking after children in shifts. I assure whoever the previous poster was who said you cannot work from home as a key worker that there is some work which is crucial to infrastructure, IT, processing payments, ordering stock, directing resources, a lot of jobs are key in this crisis and can still be done from home. We do shifts. It is hard but it is hard times for the vast majority of people so you get on with it and try to do the right thing by your family and beyond.
Even worse as if she shares custody she will have time which she can make up when the children are not there.
And what about when they are in bed. A bit could be done then. Get up an hour earlier in the morning? I know for a fact that at least some school admin work can be done outside of school core hours.

Some people can't think beyond themeslves, their own needs and comfort and.

Nobody saud it would not be bloody hard wirk. But life is not normal for most of us now.

I hope she feels shame at some stage but guessing not.

Yabu. She's a key worker, so she can send them.

I know two families who are doing this exact thing. In both, one parent is a key worker, and the other parent is not and working from home. Both parents who are WFH are choosing to send the kids in to childcare. Nurseries and schools are allowing this. I wish to god the rules would be properly enforced, to protect all of us from people who think they are special (and them from themselves). One friends partner is a key worker in a workplace with a confirmed outbreak. Friend is sending the kid in to nursery every day, kid is seeing parent every night. Apparently it doesn’t matter if that child exposes all staff there, all other children there, and in turn their families (who obviously include key workers that can’t avoid contact with others), so long as they can work uninterrupted as they are used to IN THEIR NON ESSENTIAL ROLE.

I suggested that they speak to work and agree to work for an hour during nap time, do the best the can the rest of the day, and then do a solid four or five hours in the evening once partner is home to take over. They looked at me like I’d grown a second head.

What if her employer doesn’t allow her to wfh with the kids there just like my employer?!

the government has specifically stated that if you are at home, your children should be at home

Except they haven’t. If it’s possible for keyworkers to keep their children at home while they work, then they of course they should. But this hasn’t actually been stated by the government.

Now, some people may take the piss and send an only child to nursery, or a couple of older primary children when they could, as inconvenient as it may be, continue to work from home.

Completing school admin where there is pupil welfare and safeguarding to consider, with three young children on your own?

That’s an impossible task, so your friends only option would be to send them in, or leave the school and the families who rely on her in the lurch.

Our school phoned the parents of children who revealed 'Mum / Dad is working from home today' and made them collect them. Fewer pupils = more staff can isolate (and in turn not send their child to school as often).

@Yorkshirepudding1987

What would happen if your child came home from nursery with symptoms and had to self isolate for 14 days? Who would do your job then?

You absolutely can do your job while your child is there - you chose not to. At the risk of yours and others families lives.

Nottalotta “Yabu. She's a key worker, so she can send them.”

Would it be possible to reference where you got this information from please, as I may have to update my own policies. The information I have sourced from the UK Government states that if a key worker is at home, their children have to be as well. I might have missed updated information.

To be honest, there's no way I could work properly with 3 young children to simultaneously look after. You say they are at nursery, so presumably all 4 and under. It would be different if you said they were teenagers etc. If she's working at home, then there's actually minimal risk that she's going to pick up any illnesses that she's going to pass onto her kids, when she sends them in to nursery.

@lordiewardiex
Then I'd have to take emergency leave.

Half a million people have submitted UC claims in the last 9 days. Those lead to council tax reduction claims, temp accommodation for homeless HB claims. Im classed as a key worker for local government and I cannot do that job with a toddler in the house. We take calls from very angry members of the public, im sure they'd love listening to my toddler in the background.

Our system is live at 7am. I work 7 until 5. My child is at nursery 8-4 and not all week. Our system closes at 7pm so I cant work all night either.

I'd imagine that at the moment admins working for schools are snowed under - there will be so much information required around who gets school meals and will need vouchers, what's being done for exams (if secondary school), which teachers are getting rostered to cover.

Yes, she's not 'frontline' but that doesn't mean she's not doing anything that's adding value - there is a massive administrative workload to managing a crisis like this that probably can't be done as efficiently if you've got three small children to care for.

I think I’ve probably lost a previously good friendship over this in the last week. I was flabbergasted that my two friends (one key worker, one WFM in non-essential role) who are both educated to PhD level have sent their child to nursery because it means that the WFH parent can get on with their job.

Both DH and I are key workers, and it’s utterly shit as we have moved our shifts so that one of us is hone at all times while the other goes out to work so that our DC can be home. We will spend an hour, if that together a day.

As long as the rules aren’t specifically clear that your child MUST be at home if there is an adult there, selfish and ignorant people will think it’s ok to this.

How are the kids going to be “going between houses”?

I think this is difficult , I'm in an industry where it would be easy to get classified as a key worker (some of my colleagues have ) but in reality, firstly we are simply not vital to the countries running currently , also we can now and have always worked partly from home. It took all of 48 hours to switch us to complete homeworkers. Helped by the examining boards and awarding bodies relaxing rules. Great. When it was suggested we all apply I refused. Both DP and I can work from home and do , we are in the same industry so with some understanding from our boss we tag team it.

It's not a cake walk but doable therefore I dont need a school place. Some of my colleagues are the same and I cant look at them the same way. They aren't breaking the rules but they are more than capable of working at home.

People are a bit sniffy about the benefits of working from home and I firmly agree I'm incredibly lucky to be able to do this , however it's not easy at all , we have to pull bloody strokes all the time so the people we work with dont get disadvantaged but I remember every second I'm sat in my study behind a laptop and at less risk .

However I do have two colleagues I entirely and utterly understand , one is a single parent with an under 3 . Its virtually impossible for her to pull this off at home. We are on video conference literally all day , without a second pair of hands it is all but impossible to keep up with the work. I saw her on video conference today and she was nearly in tears , she is desperately upset. She was trying to control the child at the same time as meeting with her team and it was brutal. I remember those days.

The other also has a child under 3, her dh is a front and centre key worker who genuinely genuinely is crucial to us, however they need the money so she has desperately tried to stay working. When I see her she barely looks up shes so frightened , exhausted and overwhelmed. Those two colleagues I entirely understand and have no issue with ketworker status.

So it depends , there are some colleagues I have lost so so much respect for and others that I entirely understand, everyone is different.

I think you're being very judgey and snotty OP. I think, like countless others, you think admin is unimportant. Without administrators organisations wouldn't function. School admin I would imagine is about sorting out safeguarding vulnerable children who are probably very vulnerable at the moment. She's probably incredibly busy and may have agreement that she can do this work from home.

yes, she is being selfish and stupid as she is exposing her family to potentially catching a deadly virus. I am a key worker with a child who has severe sn and could go to school but she is staying home.

I appreciate where people are coming from about not sending kids in where possible, but I do think there's a huge difference between trying to work from home with a single toddler, or with 3 teenagers; compared to trying to work with 3 nursery school aged children like your friend is OP. I've tried to work from home today with 2 children (aged 5 & 3) and honestly it's a nightmare. I've barely managed to get anything done today at all. Let alone if you throw another small child in the mix at all.

School admin here currently wfh. Once the guidance is out I will be part of the team helping deal with submission of grades for y11 and y13 which you may not think vital but many do. Fortunately my kids are older so I do not need key worker childcare. However I would not be able to do my job with 3 toddlers at home.

@lordiewardiex can you sit and give 6 hours of lectures on video cam to your university students with toddlers running around? If you can then you’re either a shitty lecturer or a shitty parent. There absolutely ARE key workers working from home.