Or is my friend a selfish twat? (Childcare related)

[Flordelice]

I know I’m being judgey, but I think this is just so not OK.

Friend A works at a school, in an admin role. Currently working from home.

I just found out that A is sending their three young children to nursery full time still because they’re “technically a key worker”. WTF, they’re at home, the whole point is to keep those places for frontline staff why physically CAN’T be at home to look after kids.

So as not to drip feed: A also shares custody with their (highly irresponsible) ex, so these are not children who are being kept under strict isolation out of nursery. They will be going to and fro between houses and A won’t know exactly who they’ve seen or where they’ve been when with other parent.

I know it’s none of my business but AIBU to be shocked at the selfishness of this?

@Yorkshirepudding1987

I'm not saying your job isn't important.

But if it was really that important right now they wouldn't have sent you home so that the angry people phoning up could hear your toddler in the background. They sent you home in the knowledge of this happening, I'm sure your employers would support you if any complains came in because children are heard in the background.

They also did because it's safer for you at home, the exact same reason it is for your child to be.

The world is in an absolute pandemic situation, I'm sure hearing a toddler in the background of a phone conversation is the least of anyone's worries.

The rest of us have to work with kids at home. No it’s not easy. Totally irresponsible to send kids out putting them at risk whilst working at home yourself

@Yorkshirepudding1987 same.

@lordiewardiex well I am. Today I've discharged 3 people from hospital and organised care packages for more than a dozen whose usual carers have had to self isolate for various reasons. Without my input those people would still be taking up precious hospital beds and those without carers would be dehydrating, starving and without essential medications. Please tell me how I'm not a key worker?

It's everybody's business when it's contributing to a spread that threatens us all.

This ^

@feelinguseless101 did you do all of that working from home?

She’s a selfish twat.

Key worker here.

@Chiyo666 I don't know what your lecture is about however I'm pritty confident in the current climate it will not be absolutely necessary. The world is on lockdown.

The reason you are doing it from home is because it's not safe to go out however you're more than happy to send your child out.
I'd rather be a shitty lecturer than a shitty parent.

If her kids are young enough to be at nursery, then she would not be able to work at home with them
Its completely different than having school age children

So my uni students just fail their exams then?? @lordiewardiex

@lordiewardiex

I work from home anyway. I haven't been sent home to work because of corona virus.

Part of our home working guidelines are that we do not woek with children at home we must have child care.

I'd love to keep him with me but I can't.

@lordiewardiex yes. Because of the risk I pose to the vulnerable client group I work with currently necessitates me and my team and all the other teams I know working from home. It's much, much harder and much less effective but it keeps people alive.

OK, my wording was horrible and a snap reaction, so I’m sorry about that.

I was deliberately vague about friend’s role but it’s not in safeguarding or school meal allocation or anything like that. Also in secondary, and not FT.

Maybe the nursery are aware, and maybe they’ve agreed it, who knows. But reading the guidelines it’s not what those limited places are supposed to be for. It is hard WFH with preschoolers, undeniably, but that’s what many (me included) have to do right now.

I think I’m extra sensitive to this as my sister is a HCP and immunocompromised. It’s a scary time.

Anyway, sorry for the rant and the language, but glad I’m not being totally U in feeling this way.

Yorkshirepudding1987 same. I'm NHS, and we are permitted to work from home (realistically we rarely do) but it's in our contract we do not do it in care of children. They have confirmed that this does includes during this situation.

@feelinguseless101

Exactly. Unless they change the rules I have to comply with the guidelines.

As I said I would love to keep him here but he is 2 and he doesn't understand that I'm working. He was at nursery today with 4 children so it's not over run.

It doesn't mean that I don't care about the situation we are all in. We are abiding with one bit of exercise a day, no journeys etc but this one is out of my control.

You might be able to wfh with three older dc but if her dc are all nursery age...not a chance!

I'm a key worker- finance dept of a manufacturing and distribution company in health and medicine, so definitely key in terms of supply! Currently WFM and I tried looking after my boisterous toddler at the same time who has no idea of what is going on and no way of explaining it.
It is IMPOSSIBLE so YABVVVVU

@lordiewardiex who do you think is procuring all the ventilators at the DOH or evacuating British citizens from Peru? They'll be working from home. The people doing the policing planning? At home. The MOD- the Army MN seems to be so keen to swing into action- at home.

Key worker doesn't mean face to face. A relative of mine has been working on key worker childcare and safeguarding for a MAT 24/7 since last week. At home.

Some people can't bear to be with their children for any length of time, some people aren't used to doing so. Some children are more noisy than others, some are very young and require your full attention. Some children really are better off in nursery, and some parents are just lazy.

It does seem odd that she would still put her own health at possible risk when she feels its a risk to be in the school around other people's children. I can't quite understand any justification for making work for other people that may put them at risk when you are not yourself in that position of having to do the same.

I normally work in finance in the NHS.

I've currently switched to projections and modelling for the pandemic. This can be done from home some of the time, though not all the time.

It definitely could not be done from home with a toddler. I would argue that working out how we plan to provide care for patients as numbers continue to increase would make me a key worker. But maybe it doesn't, because it could be done from home.

The entirety of NHS finance departments have also mainly switched to home working. I would argue again that paying the NHS's bills and invoices and payroll is pretty key worker.

But I do agree where possible parents should keep their children at home.

@Flordelice in some areas there isn't such a restriction on places as they don't have lots of keyworkers living in the actual area.

@ Chiyo666 are university lecturers actually keyworkers?? I do believe school admin staff are, but is higher education actually an essential service?

I would contact my union if I were you. It’s possible to keep students engaged without endangering the health by spending 6 hrs a day delivering lectures.

Could you speak to your faculty and agree to scale down by recording some shorter lectures while your child is asleep then set up some online activities?

If students have to do some self directed reading and online discussions, they can still remain engaged. If exams get postponed? It’s not the end if the world.

Look after yourself and your family, what you are doing right now is unnecessary in the larger scheme of things. @Chiyo666

The places are for people who have no choice, whose children wouldn’t be safe at home because there is no one to look after them

The nursery staff and teachers are risking their lives going in to look after children who have no other option.

People sending children in when there is someone at home are unconscionable.

LittleBearPad it's not unconscionable. Get over yourself. I work for the NHS as said upthread. I'm doing hospital discharges, support packages for vulnerable adults and strategic planning for when this gets worse. I'm having umteen conference calls with senior directors within our NHS trust. I have been specifically told that I am not to do my job with children in my care. I am working from home. So would you prefer I don't do my job (and take paid leave) and put hundreds of vulnerable adults at risk or that I send my child to nursery, and out them, myself and 2 teachers at risk?

I’m a key worker- senior frontline hospital. I usually work part time but am increasing to 48 hours a week and doing nights etc.

My husband is WFH but I am still sending 2 yr old to nursery 2 days a week, husband looking after him for at least 3 days, more like 4 days a week. If she didn’t do nursery either I reduce hours back or husband stops work completely. I think it’s more important I increase my working hours.
Please don’t make assumptions about people’s work