Anyone else realised they are a shit parent and wife?

[Desperateforadviceplease]

I thought I was an okay mum, but these last couple of weeks have shown me that I really am a nasty bitch. I am losing my shit over everything.
Can someone please give me tips on how to cope with the rising stress levels that come with whatever this mess is? I am not handling at well at all and my patience has disintergrated.

I don't want to be like some of the selfish evil parents other people are talking about, I don't want my kids to remember the CV pandemic as the time mommy turned into a monster but I have. I have turned into a horrible person to my wonderful partner and children and I really don't know how to go back to being a normal nice one.

The stress of not knowing if I can get essentials to eat, not knowing if dp will lose his contract or maybe even his job, not knowing if I will ever see my grandparents and elderly relatives again, and not knowing if my parents are going to be safe now that people in their 30s and 40s are ending up on ventilators fighting for fucking life, I cant stop crying. And i cant hide it from my kids. I cant stop shouting and arguing with their dad.

Has anyone stayed normal during this? How can I go back to being a dependable adult and a safe space for my children because I am freaking the fuck out and it is showing.
I can't even recognise myself and I only started taking notice of this CV thing less than 2 weeks ago.

Another thing that might help is to remember that we are all being expected to cope with an enormous life change. It is huge, and our instinct is to act as though it's not.
It will take time to adjust, and you need to let yourself be ok with taking that time. If the kids have a few days or even weeks of non-stop TV, that's not the end of the world.
I'd focus as much as possible on looking after you. The kids need you in as good shape as possible, and they need that more than a clean house or healthy food.

I want to echo what other posters have said in reframing mentally should really help.

For me, it's smiling. Every time I feel like I'm getting annoyed, I smile at the situation. Genuinely smile. You can't smile when you're angry so for me it triggers something in me to calm the fuck down.

Also saying internally "will this incident still bother me in a year?" if the answer is no, then let it slide.

On my worst day I taken myself away to the the bathroom and imagine my beautiful little girl, and if she were to be gone, what would I regret about how I'm acting - then I leave the bathroom and change my attitude and remember how much I fucking adore her.

I don't know if anything I've said will help but just wanted to add some of my own coping mechanisms on the off chance it does.

I feel like this is me today. Feeling very guilty for loosing my patience many times today. I've been shouty bitch mum today which isn't me at all and achieved fuck all because the behaviour didn't improve and I need to be there for them more than ever with the upheaval of no nursery which they love.

3.5 year old and almost 2 year old non stop fighting today, all day long. So hard to keep calm when inside I'm crumbling and so worried about loved ones becoming ill, DH possibly being jobless soon, thinking of all the ones who have passed away and how many people across the world are grieving right now.

It's just really fucking sad, but I need to put my big girl pants and brave face on tomorrow going forward.

This thread has really helped me today.

twattymctwattwat - thinking of all the ones who have passed away and how many people across the world are grieving right now

Kudos for your empathy, but that is no way to live. People have been dying every minute since you were born.

That is the trouble with following the news, empathetic people like you get the shit kicked out of your happiness.

Reserve your empathy for people you can help, like your family and friends that need you to be cheerful now that the going has got tough.

This was one of my main worries when lockdown was announced. Not only do we now have to worry about the actual disease, getting the essentials that we need (thanks to fucktard panic buyers), money etc we now have to put up with being in close proximity of our loved ones basically 24/7, whist perhaps not being able to visit older beloved relatives.The thing to remember though OP is that this is only temporary, we are all going through it and we will all get through it the best we can as a nation, as a planet in fact. Try to find a positive about the situation if you can-for example I told my son today that at least the weather's nice now, we can enjoy our walk with the dogs and then spend as much time in the garden as we like. We laugh a lot about the situation we find ourselves in too-running out of food,but we have two dogs and the chubbier one is looking tastier by the day and is in for the chop first we've decided haha. So anyway in answer to you question you are NOT a shit wife and YOU are not a shit parent, you are just a worrier like most of us but you just need to try as much as possible to change your mindset because worrying solves nothing.

Thank you @Coyoacan. You are absolutely right, I needed to hear that today.