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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sorry for dd

101 replies

Soubriquet · 25/03/2020 10:58

Yes it’s a first world fucking problem and I’m sure someone will be here calling me out cos people are dying but..

She’s 7 tomorrow. She was looking forward to going to school and spending the day with her friends. Handing out sweets, seeing her Nan and getting presents, cards and cake.

She can’t go to school, she can’t see her friends, we have some presents in but not as much as we were planning. We have no cake, no cards and obviously she can’t see her nanny.

I have explained to her that we are doubtful what we can and we will make up for it when we can, but it’s still hard for a 7 year old to take.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soubriquet · 25/03/2020 10:59

Doubtful=doing

We are doing what we can*

OP posts:
LoveFameTragedy · 25/03/2020 11:00

Not unreasonable to be upset for her. Work on the positives though and come up with something amazing and fun to do at home. Maybe contact other parents and set up a virtual party using HouseParty or something similar.

Happy Birthday to her! 🎂

DjMomo · 25/03/2020 11:01

Everybody is in the same boat..

tiredanddangerous · 25/03/2020 11:02

Not unreasonable at all. It’s very hard for children to understand and a lot for them to sacrifice. I’m likely to be spending my 40th under lockdown and I’ll be upset about it too!

The80sweregreat · 25/03/2020 11:02

It is sad to read but children everywhere are the same. There is technology around to use ( if you can) to connect with people and at least she can understand why she can't have a great birthday this year.
Every single person is affected by this.
I hope she'll be ok and next year will be a much better day for her I'm sure.

saoirse31 · 25/03/2020 11:04

Why have you no cake or cards? Surely you could make them. It does seem pretty miserable for her.

TheFaerieQueene · 25/03/2020 11:04

why not plan an official birthday for her when all this has ended. Maybe on her half birthday ?

Original poster
Soubriquet · 25/03/2020 11:05

Yeah I know

Still hard though

I mean poor ds was 5 at the beginning of this month and was looking forward to his first birthday party. That didn’t happen

She can only ring her Nan. Nan is bit of a technophobe so FaceTiming etc is a no go.

It’s worse really as my Nan used to take her dancing every Saturday but now that won’t happen again. Ever again.

Without warning, Nan sold her car and now won’t do it.

That was a hard one to discuss with her

OP posts:
Original poster
Soubriquet · 25/03/2020 11:05

Could make cards yes, but cake no.

I don’t have the right ingredients

OP posts:
mbosnz · 25/03/2020 11:06

Not unreasonable at all - but do you have the ingredients to bake a cake? And materials with which to make cards?

It will be different, and not what you and she wanted, but I know you'll make it a happy birthday for her. But you are both allowed your feelings about it not being what you dreamed of and planned.

Wineislifex · 25/03/2020 11:06

Surely you could get her a card and cake? Maybe a banner and few balloons too, try make the best of a bad situation for her!

mbosnz · 25/03/2020 11:06

Oh damn about the cake, and about the dancing.

Theresnobslikeshowb · 25/03/2020 11:07

You could have ordered cards online and had delivered, ordered a birthday cake
In the food shop. There are things you could have done the last week to prepare.

Ohnoherewego62 · 25/03/2020 11:09

Any cereal or chocolate in the house? Rice krispies buns? Doesnt have to be extravagant.

Any crafts in the house or have your own dance party in your pyjamas. Garden you can play in?

Make videos of you dancing together or doing some imaginative play. So she has some6hing to look at for it.

Keep it as fun as possible. Were all in the same boat and having to look for positives.

Children are too young for this situation. So just make it a no rules in the house day.

Winterwoollies · 25/03/2020 11:09

Have you the ingredients to make a cake? And a banner and things? If you can whip up some sandwiches and biscuits and a cake you have a birthday tea.

The weather looks smashing so some garden games would be fun. Make it as special as you can with as little as you can. It will be probably be all the more memorable for it.

playthestation · 25/03/2020 11:09

I think it's really hard for young kids. They don't have a full understanding, their worlds have been turned upside down and anyone with a birthday is missing out. You have been allowed to go to the shop/supermarket to buy cards/cakes/ingredients over the past couple of weeks though. Someone could drop you things to your door if you are unable to go out. I would put a plea on your local Facebook page - I bet your community will be able to help.

Liverbird77 · 25/03/2020 11:15

Could you do your weekly/fortnightly shop today and grab a cake while you are there? There are also toys and books in supermarkets.
I know it's not ideal but just a suggestion.

m00rfarm · 25/03/2020 11:17

Moonpig is still operating? And you could make a cake or cards. Make it more exciting and not less. You sound like a total wet blanket!!! Be creative. Use this as an opportunity.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/03/2020 11:17

Yes I think that’s sad- yes everyone’s in the same boat- but it doesn’t make it any less sad to see our own kids disappointed. Just remember to celebrate once this hell is over!

squiglet111 · 25/03/2020 11:19

Can't a cake be picked up from supermarket?

Yeah that is really sad. My son will be 7 in July and he's been talking about his bday since his last bday! So your daughter must be so sad😟 this is really a horrible time for our kids 😔.

My daughter's second bday was a few weeks ago when things were starting to kick off. We didn't take her out and didn't see any family or friends. It was quite sad considering each year her brother got a party/family meal and a day out. We did get her some gifts, cake and got a maccy ds takeaway so did something small.

PumpkinPie2016 · 25/03/2020 11:20

Of course YANBU. Although all of this is necessary, it doesn't make it any easier. Particularly for children.

Can one of you get a cake and balloons from a supermarket alongside some essential things you know you will need to buy at some point?

Embracelife · 25/03/2020 11:21

Go out and buy a cake.

Embracelife · 25/03/2020 11:25

Got any chocolate? Melt and pour over cereal and make a krispies cake.
Or Get easter egg from shop instead. Serm to be lots!
Dont be defeatist
Hard as it is you need to be upbeat and find another way to celebrate.
Put on a YouTube kids dance class and dance.

theswordthatdangles · 25/03/2020 11:28

My twins are 8 next week. We were waiting for my first wages to be able to buy their presents after a tough few months. We have nothing for them. But I can make cards, their siblings can make cards and we luckily have supplies for cake baking in. They, unfortunately, will be able to see their friends as DH and I are both key workers and will be at work on their birthday. Had it been normal school, I wouldn't have been as their birthday fell on a teacher training day and I wasn't at work.

It is tough and due to SEN, one of them really won't get it, even the other one will struggle as they are only 3 days in so far to their new reality.

Can your DD ring her friends in general, or write to them so she can stay in touch? It's what we are doing through social media.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 25/03/2020 11:28

I think there is a lot you could have done to make it a razzle dazzle day. The trouble is you woud need to be upbeat and ositive, and you arent. This is what spills to children, not always the facts. If youy feel sad and sorry for her, that is the problem. We know of stories where upbeat parents have protected their children bu being upbeat, for example in concentration camps. Conversely after 9/11 children were damaged by information overload. I dont mean to be critical of you but there is so much we can do to buoy children up. Youu may not feel like doing it, but it would really help your child. Not we will celebrate when this is over, but we will ceebrate now, in a different way. We have lost the imagination to do that in difficult circumstances