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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sorry for dd

101 replies

Soubriquet · 25/03/2020 10:58

Yes it’s a first world fucking problem and I’m sure someone will be here calling me out cos people are dying but..

She’s 7 tomorrow. She was looking forward to going to school and spending the day with her friends. Handing out sweets, seeing her Nan and getting presents, cards and cake.

She can’t go to school, she can’t see her friends, we have some presents in but not as much as we were planning. We have no cake, no cards and obviously she can’t see her nanny.

I have explained to her that we are doubtful what we can and we will make up for it when we can, but it’s still hard for a 7 year old to take.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soubriquet · 25/03/2020 17:34

The dancing was actually a couple of weeks ago. Just wanted to show why she’s missed her nan more than usual

And thanks to the offers of cake collection but I’m no where near you

Don’t worry, I’m sure she will have a good birthday anyway. It’s just not what I wanted for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soubriquet · 25/03/2020 17:44

And yeah I’m definitely not devastated, heartbroken or any other dramatic platitude cos simply, shit happens.

We just gotta make the best of it

OP posts:
hope40 · 25/03/2020 19:30

I get it op, it's dd's 10th bday next week and we're in a similar boat, yes it's a first world problem etc but still sad for the kids, especially the younger ones who don't really understand the current situation. As mine is slightly older she does get that it's a (hopefully!) one off occasion and that the world's been turned upside down in most countries right now. What's cheered her up about having to cancel her party, not seeing friends & family etc is planning what we'll do when this is all over. She knows we'll still have her party when lockdown and social distancing is finally over. She doesn't seem too fussed about not doing anything and having to stay at home, I think she's still liking the novelty of not going to school and she would have had to be at school on her birthday if this hadn't happened! Why don't you try and talk to dd about making it as special as you can given the circumstances, ask her what things you can do as a family on the day that she'd enjoy? Make a homemade voucher or something like an iou to go in her card for her to keep til you can afford the presents etc. Maybe print out some photos of special times and family members? Also I would put a shout out on local FB or to neighbours in case anyone can help with cake ingredients or may even have a few balloons or something, I know if I saw a plea from someone like that I'd want to help if I could!

Starlight1243 · 25/03/2020 19:41

My ds is 4 next Saturday we are in isolation but my sil got me some food so I asked if she could pick me a betty cocker mixture only need some eggs and oil. Got some icing sugar and regal icing bit of food colouring. Normally my mam makes the cakes. Could you ask family to do the same? Or make one big crispy cake with some mini eggs. I'm waiting on gifts to come from smyths but see if they come. We plan on doing a scavenger hunt in the garden weather permitting hiding his animals, I'm going to do a teddy bears picnic with the kids.

MsTSwift · 26/03/2020 05:24

You can have a family party. Seriously. Treat it like a real party plan it everyone in the house focuses on it talks about it play games have party food. My mother did this when we were on holiday as kids and I did it for mine.

Honestly we were in Sardinia one afternoon we did the above just the 4 of us. After the holiday I asked kids what was their favourite thing about the holiday- gorgeous beaches, lovely food etc? Both immediately said “the party”. A party is a state of mind!

rottiemum88 · 26/03/2020 05:43

Maybe the 30% might be thinking YABU for not planning the whole cake thing a bit better.

This. Cakes aren't expensive and could have been picked up with the shopping. As could a card.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 26/03/2020 11:22

Well, dd so far is happy.

She got presents she wanted, we made a card for her and now she’s outdoors in the garden playing.

We have also made slime with her new poopsie...and man was that gross Envy

OP posts:
Whoareyoudududu · 26/03/2020 12:28

YANBU at all. My DS was lucky to have his birthday a fortnight before lockdown was announced so he could celebrate. Have a DD with an early June birthday and thinking we’ll still be restricted even by then. It’s just so bloody crap and sad all round atm.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 26/03/2020 12:29

We made a cake!!! Sort of

It’s chocolate slices (like Mr Kipling type) all together with chocolate icing and m and m’s

To feel a bit sorry for dd
OP posts:
Scruffyoak · 26/03/2020 12:30

Some will say yabu but my girl is year 2 and I am sad for her too xx

Embracelife · 26/03/2020 12:34

That s a fantastic cake op !

Embracelife · 26/03/2020 12:35

You can feel sad but put on a smile for your dc

londonmarathonhalfwaypoint · 26/03/2020 12:36

Fabulous cake! Good for you

ShootEmUpSarsaparilla · 26/03/2020 12:37

One of my DDs is 6 at the weekend. She’s had 2 sets of birthday plans cancelled. So far she seems to be ok but YANBU to feel a bit sad for her, I certainly feel like that.

I’ve managed to source the ingredients for a cake and a little tea party for her and her sister and her presents have arrived via amazon. Whatever we make of it will be fine I’m sure. It’s hard on the kids when they’re used to so much more but they’re also much more resilient than us! I hope she has a great day after all OP Flowers

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 26/03/2020 12:45

Not unreasonable to feel sad for her. She’s 7 and the situation right now is hard enough as it is and it sucks that much more that it means that her birthday isn’t as good as it would be otherwise. I hope she has as nice a day as possible despite everything.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 26/03/2020 12:47

You can Moonpig a card and balloons now and it will arrive tomorrow. Ask all your family to Do the same.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 26/03/2020 12:50

Ps I really hate this it’s shit for everyone. Yes it is shot for everyone it doesn’t mean you should just get over it! Everyone’s version of shitness is valid!

BlueMoon1103 · 26/03/2020 12:52

The fact that everyone is having similar issues doesn’t make it any easier when it’s your child left upset and disappointed. Not unreasonable at all @Soubriquet and a big happy birthday to your DD!

Foghead · 26/03/2020 15:04

That’s a fab cake op! Hope you all have a lovely day.
Happy birthday to your Dd.

coffeeandcreamer · 26/03/2020 21:28

That cake looks great, ooh what id do for a bit right now.

Happy 7th bday to your DD

Isadora2007 · 26/03/2020 21:32

Of course it’s okay to be sad for her. FWIW I used to make cakes for the kids birthdays. The year I had cancer a good friend made DDs 4th birthday cake and I felt awful I hadn’t done that for her. It was her favourite cake and she still remembers it fondly.

Bet your dd remembers this weird birthday and smarties cake fondly forever too!

Darbs76 · 26/03/2020 21:34

Yes it’s fine to feel upset for her. My daughter is 12 on Saturday, so is old enough to understand but still disappointing. I’m going to make her a cake

Sceptre86 · 26/03/2020 22:19

My dd turns 4 next Tuesday. We have had to cancel her birthday party but I still intend to make the day as special as I can for her. It is the first year she actually understands what her birthday means. I ordered decorations, bought a supermarket cake and will make her a nice tea. We have been ordering a few presents a month to spread the cost. On the day weather permitting we will play in the garden and make sandcastles. I intend to watsapp call her gran, nan and grandad when we cut the cake di they can sing yo her. We are all planning to get dressed up. I hope your li has a lovely birthday, perk up and make the best of it. Kids pick up on our feelings and if you act all defeatist she will be upset.

lovemelongtime · 26/03/2020 22:31

Come on, go to local shop and buy some cake ingredients. It's really not that difficult. Have fun together making cakes.

TwoleftUggs · 26/03/2020 22:44

Both my dc have their birthdays within the next month. I just managed to organise a present each on Sunday before shops closed and their cards will come from thortful or moonpig I guess. I’m hoping that nearer the time I can pick up a cake during my once weekly shopping trip, or at least the ingredients to make one. We will also FaceTime grandparents when we sing happy birthday hopefully. It’s all a far cry from what they would have been doing but this is our reality so we have to deal with it.
DD, as a very social teen is finding this situation particularly hard and there have been a lot of tears this week.