To feel so sad for my 3 year old

[Myfriendanxiety]

I know there are people with bigger issues so I’m not comparing it to others- but I feel so sad about the current situation for my 3 year old.

He loves his friends, loves his preschool, loves playing out with friends, going to soft play and activities etc. All of this has stopped and he is just home with me 24/7. I just feel so sad for him that his little world has changed so quickly and he doesn’t understand why. He has some sensory issues and needs his routines so I worry how all this could affect him longer term.

Anyone else feeling sad about this at the minute?

@BlusteryShowers but you will be allowed to do that during lockdown if it's within a certain distance of your house, not wanting lockdown if you are adhering to it anyway is surely ridiculous.

My 3 year old will be missing out on her last year at nursery before starting school in September

She's a very late summer baby, has recently-diagnosed speech and language delay and has partial hearing, I decided not to defer her. Regretting that now.

My 3yo is asking me about nursery. When can I go to nursery mummeeeee? It is sad for them. They don’t understand. I think it will be harder for teens though - I had friends, a part time job, some independence, and all the angst of an adolescent.

Of course they ask for now. But they can be doing other things and you just have to explain the change of plans.

When I was 3, nurseries didn’t exist for most DC. Everyone stayed at home with mum. We didn’t mix with other DC until we went to school. We lived in a small rural town. There were no play groups. Many of these didn’t start until the mid 60s. Obviously play groups and nurseries are important but they have not been in existence for a century!

Parents have to be resourceful. Do your best.

Rest assured. Your three year-old really doesn't care.

He only cares about you.

And you're still here aren't you?

We didn’t mix with other DC until we went to school.

Oh come on. I grew up with a stay-at-home-mother---mums got together at informal mum-organized playgroups and coffee mornings in each others' homes and the park multiple times a week. Children saw other children (and others children's siblings) at these get togethers pretty much all the time. There is no precedent for huge numbers of children to be so isolated from other kids for months at a time.

Rest assured. Your three year-old really doesn't care.

Mine absolutely does care. We live two minutes from my parents, he usually sees them at least once a day, we spend extended amounts of time there. He misses them hugely and has cried for them. We lived there for most of the second year of his life and he thinks of it as "other home".

But I'd rather this than them being dead from CV. And as he grows up, God willing, won't remember it very much, hopefully just that we had to stay at home to keep everyone safe from naughty germs, which is what I've told him.

I admit to find it strikingly odd that on a forum which is extensively populated by people who say they have no friends, are no-contact with family, loathe casual visitors, prefer not to leave the house, and self-identify as introverts, there is so much handwringing about the social lives of their small children.

DS is a very sociable only child who was just getting used to a new school in a new country and starting to make friends, and he’s doing ok. But there’s no point in bewailing either way.

Frankly with everything going on right now: my parents and in-laws being highly at risk; several friends and family members including my DH being key workers; a 3 year olds social life is the least of my worries.
Teach them some ability to deal with frustration and that they don't get their own way all the time. Because sometimes other people are more important than their immediate and minor demands. It's a good lesson.
And for what it's worth most children have no memory before 3.

My child's second home is daycare.
It may not affect them long term as such but they definitely will lose the larger community and "family" like teachers and friends they usually see daily as well as dealing with a different type of stimulates at home compared to daycare. My child's a busy child.
I believe they have real friendships where as some of this age play alongside each other but yes they do have real friends as my child's best friend has become part of our daily conversation in nurturing the friendship and discussing they will be doing similar things to us at home. My child spends 8 hrs a day in care they are his family too.
We also recently joined a group which we can no longer go to, it was a weekend highlight to ditch our clubs & daycare is tough going when it is your daily norm to be surrounded by these people places and activities for child and me as a parents.
I found out today we go into lockdown in one more day here in NZ I am about to lose my Normal it's making me sad. It felt surreal now it feels to real. Take care everyone!

Sending you a hug. Got a five year old half way through reception. She was absolutely loving it. Day one she's done some worksheets and colouring. Played outside with megablocks and had a snack. She's now watching little princess. I can already tell she's going to be bored stiff in a few weeks. She loves being with her classmates doing the daily school routine. To go from exploring, working and laughing with 30 other kids to home for months is abit crap. I think I'm more upset than her because she has no clue about the time frame. She doesn't know yet she's most likely never going back into her little classroom with her peg and the freedom to be outside alot in the reception playground. Also her teacher is maternity cover. She was working September-june. So I'm also sad because are loves her teacher and it would upset her knowing she won't be spending her days with her again.

I know they will get over it eventually. I'm just sad her first year of school has been cut short. Reception is such a fun year of play and basic learning. I feel it's quite magical and she would of had a lovely summer with her new friends.

As I read more and more on here I'm loosing hope of them returning this year ☹️

I feel sad for mine as well. My DS (hes 2) keeps asking to go to Playgroup and to see my DM and my DD is missing school and her friends, she has to have a routine too. She has gone from going to school her dad being at work most of the time and me only doing 1 day a week, to no school, dad not at work and me working more days, her behaviour has already started to go down hill.

Can I add I'm really pleased to see people on here saying it is a huge issue for young people and their minds. My biggest concern is when we come out of this our kids will have lost their social confidence and forgotten what structure life used to carry. They have lost friendships, they have lost all they know outside the home, they have lost positive relationships with other adults, they have lost their school meals that could well be the best meal they have. I've already seen a lady in FB from my DD school. She can't print of any sheets as she doesn't have a printer. She's a single mum of 3 children and skint. She's such a nice lady but she can't go out buying extras to give her kids the best at home. They have to make do with basic bits of work. That also will shine. The wealthier parents will be able to provide new pens, books, piles of paper and many other things. But alot of people don't have that spare tenner. I'm so sad for all children. This is not a childhood for any of them. Yes it's a treat for a few weeks. We don't want them used to being home either.

No. We did not mix with other mums and DC. We simply did not. I do not know anyone who did this. We were poor and there was nowhere to meet. No-one every came to our house. This idea that mums met up in the 50s and 60s is ludicrous. It certainly did not happen everywhere. My mum was too busy doing household chores!

Yeah, I feel bad for DD. She has been asking for her nursery best friend. It’s her birthday on Friday and as we are in self isolation we can’t go out anywhere, see her grandparents or even get a cake (think we will try and make some plain fairy cakes though).

Call the Midwife is a fairly accurate interpretation of life in the 50s and 60s. It was hard and there were not social groups of mums. My mum went out to "Young Wives" group every week in the evening without DC. Other mums belonged to the Mothers' Union. No-one had informal meetings with DC. I literally started school with one boy from 6 doors down the road. Another girl from our road started and I had never met her! It really was different then.

Mums now can certainly try and make this a special time for DC. I do agree though that those with no spare money will struggle to get resources and provide what DC need. So when they do start back, the educational gap will be bigger for some. in the meantime, talking, use of descriptive language, colouring and playing are all great. Gardening and making things together is also good. That is what we used to do.

Kids are all different. My 3 year old is very extroverted and has had friends since he was 18 months old. He is really upset about not being able to go to nursery. He is also a very active kid and loves playing outside, museums, soft play, play groups etc. Sure, there are people who have it worse but it is sad for him.

It is different if you have a 3 year old who will sit and colour on their own for an hour at a time like our neighbour's 3 year old.

He really doesn’t have “friends” in the accepted sense of the word. They are DC and parents you have befriended. He had no choice and he certainly wouldn’t play cooperatively at 18 months. He just played alongside other DC because you chose that for him. He would not remember any 18 month old “friends” unless you decided to keep showing him pictures of them down the years.

However I think he will miss activities and of course you would miss your friends. Explaining you all need a holiday and will be doing other things is what has to happen now.

My biggest concern is when we come out of this our kids will have lost their social confidence and forgotten what structure life used to carry. They have lost friendships, they have lost all they know outside the home, they have lost positive relationships with other adults

In the nicest possible way, that sounds to me like adult hand-wringing and catastrophising.

I am sad for my 15 month. He stays at my parents every Friday night to cover childcare for Fri night/sat morn. I'm not sure whether to let him keep going. He is going to be confused why he doesn't see his grandma anymore and that breaks my heart. I am wondering if I can still let my mum have him 12-430 and just not let him sleep over. She's not elderly (both early 50s and healthy) I'm keeping him out of nursery despite being me and DH being key workers as he always picks up bugs and colds which I want to obviously avoid. It's hard to know whether that's an okay thing to do or not? But it will keep us both at work and it's better than nursery with lots of unknown staff and children

*:59BubblesBuddy

He really doesn’t have “friends” in the accepted sense of the word. They are DC and parents you have befriended. He had no choice and he certainly wouldn’t play cooperatively at 18 months. He just played alongside other DC because you chose that for him.*

No, he did actually have friends at 18 months and I saw him play cooperatively with them. I realise it's unusual but it's true.

He’s very unusual then. Most DC play and discover alone and possibly refer to parents if confused. He will be ok though!

@bubblesbuddy

Children will forget pretty much every day of their lives in the first 5 years especially. Apart from the odd huge event. But the point is a child right here, right now knows and feels things. So if a 3 year old knows they go to nursery every Monday and Friday. They know they like Finley. They always play outside in the mud together. Then ofcourse after a couple of weeks of a parent saying not today sweetheart they will begin to wonder why life has changed.

My DD is 5 and she won't remember any of her reception life by the time she's 20. Maybe the odd memory. But right now in this situation it will affect her. She's loving being home today. But she's after food every five minutes. She asked me if she can go to school next week. She also is curious to when she can go back when I say no. Because she misses at least five children who she loves playing with already, id say in a few weeks of being lazy at home and doing work with mummy, she will get fed up. Its Not the same as learning the story with friends and practicing the actions to going on a bear hunt. Not the same as all building a bridge together. Not the same as pe and running about with your friends and watching them to learn for yourself. Not the same as giggling at lunch whilst you all eat dinner together and say silly things.

As adults we feel threatened and lost. We are anxious. Tired. Lonely. Worried how the fuck we will find the food our kids eat. Worried about jobs. We are missing the school runs. Missing our families. Missing our friends. Missing be able to go out and pop to shops etc. So how the hell is a child meant to be happy at home for months with none of the socialising or exercise they are used too.

I am telling you now. This will affect children long and short term over the age of two especially. They have lost everything that used to stimulate them. Swimming, treats, days out, friendships, teachers, outdoor activities with friends, playgroups, nursery, school, after school clubs, sports, etc etc etc. Ofcourse they will be fairly ok at home. But what will they be like after five months. Shy? Anxious? Attached to mum and dad again? Scared to get germs? Not willing to go to school? Lost alot of phonics, maths, spelling, reading. Probably forgotten how to mix too. I'll feel like a recluse after two months. Let alone 5.

Wtf?? No! Kids don’t have friends at 3 yrs old ?! Are you stupid??? The mind boggles

Mine has been friends with her current best friend from 9 months old. By three they were extremely close. At 5 they are at school together and are extremely close! So I disagree. Obviously as babies they just say together.