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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so sad for my 3 year old

119 replies

Myfriendanxiety · 22/03/2020 17:57

I know there are people with bigger issues so I’m not comparing it to others- but I feel so sad about the current situation for my 3 year old.

He loves his friends, loves his preschool, loves playing out with friends, going to soft play and activities etc. All of this has stopped and he is just home with me 24/7. I just feel so sad for him that his little world has changed so quickly and he doesn’t understand why. He has some sensory issues and needs his routines so I worry how all this could affect him longer term.

Anyone else feeling sad about this at the minute?

OP posts:

Fuzzyspringroll · 22/03/2020 20:17

We've been home for a week. DS has adjusted ok but he likes being at home and isn't keen on nursery, generally. I find it really sad, though, because we had only just turned a corner. He had found a friend in the last two weeks (only other English-speaking child in his group, just recently started) and was excited to go in. Now he wont see him for weeks, possibly months.
I'm in talks to change jobs, so he would also change nursery and wouldn't see his little friend again. Gutted.

HoffiCoffi13 · 22/03/2020 20:36

It’s ok to feel sad about it, even when there are worse things going on.
Mine are 6, 4 and 1. I feel the most sad for my 4 year old in reception. As a poster said above, reception is such a lovely year for them, making friends and learning routines and having a gentle play based introduction to learning. She’s likely to go straight back to year 1 where a lot of that ‘fun’ is lost. She has also developed a really strong bond with her teacher and will miss her so much.
They’ll be fine at home. We’ve been home over a week already as we’ve been self isolating due to symptoms, and it’s already starting to feel ‘normal’.
I just wish people would bloody do what they’re being told to do instead of thinking it doesn’t apply to them. We’re obeying the rules to keep everyone safe, and I hate the thought that others aren’t.

squiglet111 · 22/03/2020 20:39

I feel bad for mine too. We spent my daughter's 2nd bday at home which was sad. Now both are off and my son is 6 and missing his friends and school. We are meant to be moving in a few weeks so he will never see his friends or teacher again. He was already sad but now the few weeks left of school have been taken from him. I am glad that my two have each other though. Must be so hard for only children.

This park thing upsets me a bit. I'm sure people just want to take their kids out for a quick run around. Unfortunately if everyone had the same plan then yeah loads of people will go to parks. Sad if people can't do that either. Not that we've gone to a park, we are in quarantine.

TheFaerieQueene · 22/03/2020 20:40

My son is 28 and I haven’t seen him today for the first time on Mother’s Day - I haven’t seen him for a week. I’m not sure when I will see him as I’m not well. Your children are home with you. Just because my son is an adult, I love him the same as you do yours. He is single and whilst he has lots of friends, he is living alone, working hard, paying a mortgage. I’m worried about him.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/03/2020 20:49

I'm not sad yet, my 3 yr old will enjoy a bit of a longer Easter holiday. But i think after 5 or 6 weeks of this he might start struggling with no outings at all.

Incrediblytired · 22/03/2020 20:50

I understand.

My little girl will be three next week and she has friends she talks about all the time. She doesn’t understand why she can’t see them or her grandparents. She can’t have a party and I feel sad she will miss out. They’re just so beautiful and perfect at that age, it’s a shame to lose some experiences.

That said she is loving spending so much time with me and daddy, no matter how much she loves others, immediate family are her world. I’m probably valuing the time and special moment more than usual as I’m worried about her losing family or parents to this awful disease.

It’s ok to feel sad, but remember it’s probably worse for us than them at this age.

This too shall pass.

Writerandreader · 22/03/2020 20:57

I feel very very sad for kids. I actually really feel sad for the little ones 3 and 4 year olds. School and play and the lovely little routine they have is their world at this age.

They also flourish so much at pre school and in reception... They have imaginary worlds they play in with close friends.

And if course 3 year olds have friends my son was very sad when he left ore school and used to ask about it all the time. And that was leaving in a prepared structured way. This will have a hard impact on a lot of kids especially as all the usual distraction of new experiences friends playgrounds etc are not available

Writerandreader · 22/03/2020 20:58

I cried last week for the kids at school they are going to miss it so much. And it is going to be very very tough for them to go without proper friends and play for several weeks.

Figgygal · 22/03/2020 21:02

Same I think my 3yo will find it harder to adapt than my 8yo

He loves nursery so many of his friends were starting school in September and he won’t I was just hoping he could make the most of that time and now it’s been taken from him. At least my twi have each other but so much of their development comes from playing with children their own age

PeterPanGoesWrong · 22/03/2020 21:02

YANBU, I think everyone is missing out on something currently.

I’m missing my hours at the gym, really sad to not be pushing myself. (Home exercise is just not the same)
My daughter has had to put her wedding on hold for 12 months, she’s hoping everything will be better in May next year.
My husband is off work for the next 12 weeks, but he is working from home and he’s missing his weekend breakfasts at the pub and Monday pub quiz.
We are both going to miss out on a weekend away for our wedding anniversary in early April.
Everyone is unsure as regards holidays, weekends away, it’s all just so surre, heartbreaking and weird.

Sorry your little one feels so robbed. Take time to visit parkland, woodland or just a nice area of countryside, we will make it through this.
Stay safe everyone.

Homkaismycat · 22/03/2020 21:06

Mine daughter is 8 and in year 4 so not so small, but this year they started swimming lessons.
She was a total Non swimmer and very scared of water.
Before school started she had some crash course for beginners but that did not work. Than she started swimming with her class in September and first she was worried, she really started to getting it and was doing really good improving every lesson, trying to swim independently slowly.
Now all this is gone.
Swimming stopped last week and schools shutting.
She will never get this back. Of course she can go swimming with my husband or have more Private lessons, but she never will have lessons with her school friends she likes so much.
They only have swimming in year 4.
I felt to sad for her last week.

nanbread · 22/03/2020 21:08

I feel really sorry for the children too.

Primary age children don't just chat with each other, play is essential to them, so things like Skyping with their friends won't be much help.

Children age 3 and under - they probably are happier being with only their parents and siblings more than any age group, but the impact of losing 6 months of socialising at a crucial development stage is bound to have an impact.

For teens, their friends are their world, yes they can communicate with each other more easily via their phones but they will struggle more to be away from their peers.

I really, really hope schools are given the time and freedom to adapt to work round this once children return, and that teachers are all given a bloody massive pay rise to boot (along with everyone in NHS).

Worriedmum54321 · 22/03/2020 21:11

It's sad. Hopefully it won't go on for too long.

nanbread · 22/03/2020 21:12

Their development comes from playing with children their own age

I think after this we could see a big disparity socially between children with older siblings and children with younger siblings. Plus of course those with no siblings.

I also really worry about those children whose parents are abusive, don't really care, don't make them feel safe and loved during this time. At least our children have us.

Straycatstrut · 22/03/2020 21:54

I've cried about it I'll be honest, but I'm coming to terms with it now.

My 7yo is SEN and was absolutely LOVING his swimming lessons and doing really, really well. They were his favourite thing in the world. He also thrives on the school routine, seeing his only 2 friends, and loves the work level of Y3. His teacher says he "works his socks off" each lesson and is so proud when he gets good feedback. I'm no KS2 teacher. I have to google everything! He's got a learning pack ,but it's no where close to the same as a teacher stood at the front explaining things and being there to help you if you're really stuck. His school is amazing too, I went to it as a middle school and loved it there too.

My 3yo is laid back and easy going as long as "something" is happening to entertain him. Friendships aren't important to him at the moment at all, he's very into doing his own thing.

I feel lucky they are at the ages they are because we're able to play games together - admittedly it's at a very very basic level (we did thomas the tank snakes and ladders about 5 times yesterday!) but eldest is happy to join in and it's all learning in different ways, even if it's just to be polite and caring with each other, and appreciate what we have. We're painting the window rainbows tomorrow. I'm going for a relaxed and laid back environment. I don't want to pile pressure on either of them and turn their home into a strict classroom - and make that their memory of this time.

It's a big historic event so I'm mainly focusing on that and just having as much fun as possible to get us through it.

MaryShelley1818 · 22/03/2020 22:05

I feel very very sad about this too. DS is two, he's so excited about the world, it's only been a week but he's missing both sets of Grandparents who usually look after him one day a week each, he's going to be so upset not going to nursery, he thinks he's going on the aeroplane next week to the zoo and to see fishys (Barcelona zoo and Aquarium), Easter will be spent indoors, I'll try my best but I still have to work (Children's Safeguarding Social Work) and DH still has to work from home so the hard reality is he'll be spending a lot of time watching tv but we're doing the best we can. I'm heartbroken about what he's missing out on, he deserves so much better.

HowIrresponsible · 22/03/2020 22:07

3 year olds will not remember this.

Nonnymum · 22/03/2020 22:11

I feel very sad for everyone but especially small children who hate being cooped up and can't understand why they can't go out My youngest grandchild is only 2 I worry that when this is over staying in will be the new normal for her and she won't actually what to go out and see people anymore. And she is such a sociable, friendly happy child now.

JoshArcherStoleMyTractor · 22/03/2020 22:17

My fifteen month old picked up his wellies and went and stood by the front door knocking on it earlier, made me feel awful, were usually an outdoorsy family, we're on day 7 of quarantine

Cryalot2 · 22/03/2020 22:19

No I think everyone is feeling it. I am currently feeling sorry for myself ( I know I should be thankful,)
Dh and other adult who lives here both have bad depression and this makes me stressed. Stress makes my psoriasis flare badly ( my treatment stopped on Friday,,) it also gives me severe ibs..
We coped by going for a walk daily and going to a cafe regularly. Now I just don't see why I should get out of bed tomorrow.
Add into that my washing machine has been broken for 2 weeks and under warranty but delayed getting fixed thanks to the situation.
Should I take my dog to get rehomed as we are told not to go out and she doesnt understand.
I know we have to protect ourselves but how many will suffer mentally?

pastabest · 22/03/2020 22:20

They might not remember it but they will feel the effects of it.

I have a 3 year old who was supposed to be starting preschool after Easter. She was so excited having already done a few taster sessions. She has lots of friends from playgroup she talks about and was excited seeing 'at school'.

She has lots of older cousins who see usually sees a lot of, her vocabulary and social skills noticeably leap every time we have spent a few hours with them.

Then there's the fact that she and her younger sibling are now going to be essentially trapped with a stressed mummy who is trying to work from home whilst looking after a demanding clingy toddler and an inquisitive preschooler who likes a lot of adult interaction. I've already found myself snapping more than usual at them even though it's only the weekend because we would usually be out and about burning off energy somehow and instead we are stuck in the garden and house.

runningpram · 22/03/2020 22:20

I'm sad for my little one too. However on the upside they have much more time with Mummy and Daddy than they ever did before, given we both work full time. Realise that's not true for everyone though

Malvinaa81 · 22/03/2020 22:22

It is really sad for children of all ages, and their futures.

But the main thing is to get through the next few months, or there won't be any future.

pastabest · 22/03/2020 22:23

And that's without factoring in the implications of all the bribery that will be required to allow me a few minutes peace and quiet to make a phone call etc.

maddening · 22/03/2020 22:23

It will be a blip in his life, he will not remember any of this. Think back, do you have lots of strong memories of being 3?

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