Aibu at the shitty way mothers of ff babies are judged

[whatthefuckishappening]

Spent best part of three hours trying to get the only brand of formula left from boots. Amazon keeps crashing, chemists don't know how soon stock will arrive, near impossible to get in supermarkets...so I try googling wholesalers online. Formula is only available to chemists and supermarkets apparently in case people are encouraged not to BF. No points given at Boots as that would be an incentive not to BF. Soonest Boots can deliver is Monday week. Sat here crying about the fucking breast pump that didn't work for me, the breast infections etc, wondering how the fuck to feed my baby when my formula runs out. The last thing I need right now is fucking judgement on ff ing.

op. Hope you sort something out. It must be very stressful having to find essential food for your baby. And you are right that stupid judgment for formula feeding is not what anyone needs ever but especially just now.

Post in your local Facebook groups - I am sure people will do their best to help you.

@whatthefuckishappening it's being told to persevere, whilst baby not gaining sufficient weight and her falling asleep from exhaustion. It's being told to top up breast feeds with a bottle and try to combat nipple confusion. It's being told to pump every two hours or more frequently if possible through night, whilst only getting 5ml out after 45 mins. It's being told to also put baby on breast every two hours through night.

This almost word for word is what happened to me. It’s really shitty, I was told my DS would need to go to hospital due to failure to thrive. I have him a bottle he put on 13oz in 4 days. Dr then told me feeding is better no matter how. I was then asked to leave breast feeding group one of my few social interactions (my lovely friend left too out of protest so we just met up instead)

Bold fail

There isn't any judgement in the UK. Get over it.

I've done both breast & bottle (mainly expressed but when you are out and about everyone assumes it's formula) and honestly I got more judgement for the bf than the bottle. I got the most judgement for pumping - e.g. "Omg why are you being such a martyr, just give formula".

You can’t get formula because of panic buying, it is normal very easy to buy and freely available. They sell it in chemists and supermarkets. Where else would they sell formula? I understand how scary it must be to face not being able to feed your baby but it has nothing to do with judgement of formula. We’re in a national crisis.

Also it’s shocking (but all to common) that a pp says that a health visitor told her formula has no benefits over cows milk from six months. That it utterly wrong. Cows milk is not made for people- formula is. It has a whole load of vitamins and minerals and oils added. If you are not giving a toddler formula you should be giving a multi vitamin.

I personally drink almond milk (It has vitamins added) because I prefer the taste. I would like to have a formula equivalent for adults to put on our cereal rather than cows milk. No need for us to be eating a food for baby cows in 2020.

Vegan wankery is not helpful either

@zsazsajuju

It's really not about judging mothers, it's about protecting infant health. Babies DIED when formula companies were given free reign. Marketing restrictions are completely necessary - as shown by the companies who continue to try and weasel their way around them.

It's an emotive topic so I do feel for you OP and I do understand your upset as I've been in your shoes somewhat. I'm glad you got some formula for your baby.

I formula fed and have seen the empty shelves. At this point I would be buying any brand I could get my hands on and any stage milk. After watching that dispatches programme on formula, most of them are exactly the same, even the different stages ones.

There are plenty of HCPs who will tell you it’s fine to feed a baby cows milk As a drink from 6mo. If you actually read the science (of which there is little tbf) there’s nothing that suggests a baby needs loads of Formula milk past 6months. BF babies will gradually reduce feeds and eat more solids, some quicker than others but parents should be paced feeding formula and feed on demand. Formula is essentially powdered CM with added vits, do people realise that? They don’t need to be guzzling tons of formula per day once on solids. I wish people would bear this in mind when panic buying, if baby is over 6 months try more solids 1st and leave the milk for babies who 100% rely on it.

No one is judging for not breastfeeding apart from yourself.
Not being able to find formula has nothing to do with bf, stop making it into a war!

Not that this makes it right but unfortunately all ways of feeding a baby are judged op. It's not just you or just ff! I breastfed and received countless negative comments.

The more breastfeeding mothers, the more formula for formula fed babies.

This really is NOT the time for debate tho

Please don't recommend giving cows milk to under one year olds. It is against NHS guidance for a reason

Don't feel judged for formula feeding at all but I have done lots of research into it so I have no guilt about it. I think any guilt you might feel (which you absolutely don't deserve to feel, it is just common for FF mothers I think) predisposes you to feeling perceived judgement more.

I'm also worried about formula supplies, it is very stressful isn't it :( I picked up one tub from Tesco and one tub from Asda as they had so little, I'm worried there will be even more shortages as the covid figures go up and people panic even more.

Mumsnet is not the place for this, they’re generally pro breastfeeding at all costs. I posted before about how the “breastfeeding is best for your baby” messages all over formula took me to the brink of suicide with my PND but apparently it’s necessary because the otherwise very intelligent women on here wouldn’t have known until they saw those same messages when casually browsing the supermarket shelves 🤔

To be fair I am perhaps misremembering. She maybe said infant formula to a year then cows milk rather than follow-on milk. Thinking it through I never gave cows milk at under a year. It’s been a while.

Where are you mylove

I have ordered milk since day dot from amazon and dolphin fitness

I ordered milk a week ago but it hasn't arrived yet

Mumsnet is not the place for this, they’re generally pro breastfeeding at all costs.

I’m sorry for your struggles but I’ve been on here a while and couldn’t agree less that MN is pro breastfeeding at all, never mind at all costs. And it’s not MN making formula manufacturers put that or anything else on their packaging. It’s the law.

Formula milk is cows milk adapted for humans. Its better for you than cows milk. It’s not “necessary” after a year but it’s the healthiest food or drink a toddler will have not some sort of poison. It’s certainly healthier than cows milk. Which is never “necessary” for any of us.

And I’m not a vegan @nomdefuckit. Nor is a vegan point to say formula (usually adapted cows milk) is healthier for children than unadapted milk from cows. It’s just a fact. But the anti formula dogma is the NHS is so strong that many HV are still telling mothers to give their babies cows milk instead. Totally nuts.

Also giving cows milk to young babies can kill them (unlikely in older babies but I have seen babies seriously unwell when doing development work from being given cows milk because the mothers were unable to breastfeed). So please don’t do that to babies under a year.

Well @zsazajuju it’s not the “healthiest” is it - it’s not better than breastmilk, as indeed it is required to say on all the packaging.

After age 1 there’s no need for all of the additives in formula as babies should get those from a healthy diet, so cow’s milk is just as good.

says that a health visitor told her formula has no benefits over cows milk from six months. That it utterly wrong. Cows milk is not made for people- formula is. It has a whole load of vitamins and minerals and oils added. If you are not giving a toddler formula you should be giving a multi vitamin

It’s true though isn’t it? Why should families waste money on formula when cows milk is perfectly fine at that age?

As for judgement, trying to bf when there's not much milk is like being between a rock and a hard place - it's being told to persevere, whilst baby not gaining sufficient weight and her falling asleep from exhaustion. It's being told to top up breast feeds with a bottle and try to combat nipple confusion. It's being told to pump every two hours or more frequently if possible through night, whilst only getting 5ml out after 45 mins. It's being told to also put baby on breast every two hours through night. All whilst also bottle feeding a baby who threw most of it up. It takes longer than two hours to breast/bottle/pump etc etc. It's lifting and relatching a frustrated baby again and again whilst trying to recover from c-section. Its feeding through infections. It's wondering how I'm meant to look after other DC with this cycle and being told it seems like I don't want to BF enough. it's trying to buy fucking formula in a pandemic and being told no points or cost towards delivery for you as you ff!!!

Again. Absolutely none of that is judgement!!

Ugh I think a lot of these "there's no judgement" replies are from mums who didn't FF

Then you need to read their comments again if you think that.