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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to all these activities.

33 replies

islandofsodor · 09/09/2007 22:41

Dd is 6 next month and has just gone into year 1. Her school offers a variety of after school activities.

Dd loves drama and dance and as has done Stagecoach for 2 years as dh works there. She is due to move from the 90 minute class on a Friday after school to the 3 hour class on Saturday afternoons next week.

Last year she did ballet after school on a Wednesday, Gymbobs on a Thursday (she conned me into that after I had to take her to ds's Tumble Tots one week when term finished early)and STtagecoach on Friday. She was always complaining she couldn't do singing club at school as it clashed with Stagecoach. I have made her give up Gymbobs as her new ballet class (she passed her exam) clashes.

In addition she has been learning the recorder with me at home, she wanted to join lunchtime recorder club at school but wasn't allowed in reception, she watched the older ones playing at the Easter assembly so I bought her one but she has done pretty well for a 5 year old and practices at least 3-4 times a week. She is very enthusiastic about all her activities.

Anyway, this year she has brought home the after school clubs list and this is what she WANTS to do:

Monday - Country Dancing 3.30pm - 4.00pm
Tuesday - Ballet 3.45pm - 4.30pm
Wednesday - Gymnastics 3.30pm - 4.00pm
Thursday - Design & Technology 3.30pm - 4.00pm
Friday - Singing Club - 3.30- 4.15pm
Saturday - Stagecoach 2.30pm - 5.30pm

She will also be allowed to do lunchtime recorder club and possibly choir at school. I have no choice over those, they sign themselves up with no parental input.

I have said no to country dancing and D & T. Dd is not happy. The Country Dancing is non negotiable as I would have to pay for that but AIBU to say no to D & T. It doesn't make any difference in terms of invonvenience, in fact a 4.00pm instead of 3.20pm pickup from school would be easier. My sole reason is that I don't think a 6 year old should be doing so much.

OP posts:
Alambil · 09/09/2007 22:49

I doubt a 5/6 yr old would cope with that - it all looks good on paper but in reality it's a lot!

YANBU in my opinion - kids need limits, they need help realising they aren't super-people and to be honest, they need a "night off" (even if they don't think they do!)

kindersurprise · 09/09/2007 22:52

Hmm, I am a bit unsure. She sounds like she knows her own mind, and that she will stick to the activities when she starts. Some people are just "joiners", sounds like she is one of them.

TBH, as long as she is keen and you don't think that she will change her mind every 3 weeks about what activities she wants to do, I would let her. The activities she has chosen are very creative ones, it sounds like she is interested and talented in that direction, why not let her follow it?

lilolilmanchester · 09/09/2007 22:59

I think something every night is a lot, but at this stage, she won't be getting much homework and hard to know which one to drop. Why don't you try it for a term, see whether her attention in school is suffering as a result, if so, she'll have a etter idea which one to drop, if she's coping with it all, then just enjoy the extra time you get before pickup.

haychee · 09/09/2007 23:01

i dont think the school should be allowing them to sign themselves up for all this! Good grief its ridiculous, i suppose you are just sitting about twiddling your thumbs with bags of time and opportunity to be taking her and picking her up etc. Is there any costs involved?

My dd who has just started in yr2 does one thing on a friday, she has had 2or3 at a time in the past and i was exhausted as well as her. Its far too much imo.

Original poster
islandofsodor · 09/09/2007 23:11

The school doesn't allow it, they provide between 1-4 different activities each day and most children chose to join around 2 to take part in. Lunchtime clubs are different and they just go along to them, lucnh clubs are things like games, recorders, choir.

There is no cost involved except for ballet and country dancing (£2 pe week for each )and no dropping of or picking up as she goes straight from class, to the activity, I just then pick her up at 4pm instead of 3.20pm.

Stagecoach is different of course as that is not provided by the school.

She has no homework except a reading book and spellings. However I tested her on the spellings for the entire term (this weeks took approx 3 mins) and she knows them all except for one word.

At home she spends all her time reading, trying to make things or sew, practising her recorder or making up ballet shows on a pretend stage (a step in her granparents kitchen).

Where did I get her from????

OP posts:
haychee · 09/09/2007 23:15

oh let her go if no cost to you financially or otherwise, definitely.

mazzystar · 09/09/2007 23:25

fwiw, although it sounds like a lot of stuff, i would be encouraging her in the d&t, as its a different kind of activity, just in terms of encouraging her to be a well-rounded person.

but i imagine it might be a good idea to have one night at least with nothing extra on, so you can have some time to do stuff together or for her to entertain herself/have playdates or whatever.

mazzystar · 09/09/2007 23:26

btw what a fab school to provide all that extra-curricular stuff

mollymawk · 09/09/2007 23:30

Since she actively wants to do all this stuff I would be inclined to let her have a go and see how it turns out. It's not as though you are pushing her into loads of things she doesn't want to do. She may just be one of these people with boundless energy and enthusiasm for everything. [Can you train her to cook yet? ]

Original poster
islandofsodor · 09/09/2007 23:41

OK, country dancing is Out, I am putting my foot down but I'll let her try the rest on the proviso that she doesn't get too tired.

Oh, and she can cook, my mum has cooked with her since she was tiny. She likes doing pastry and helping stir gravy and stuff.

What is D & T these days?, when I was at school it was woodwork (urgh), is it just making things or lego type stuff do you reckon.

OP posts:
mindalina · 09/09/2007 23:51

Design and Technology? I think it encompasses everything from "Food Technology" (cooking) through "Textiles" (sewing) to "Resistant Materials" (woodwork), via "Systems & Controls" (circuits and computers, I think)...

kindersurprise · 10/09/2007 00:14

She can cook? Does she clean too? If so, can you ask her if she wants a job as an aupair?

She sounds lovely!

Original poster
islandofsodor · 10/09/2007 00:17

Cleaning, I wish. I'd settle for a tidy bedroom rather than bits and pieces of everything everywhere!!!!

OP posts:
EricL · 10/09/2007 00:43

Sounds great - but the only thing that would concern me is the fact that you would be making a rod for your own back in later years.

When she gets older these clubs will start costing you for sure. She will also want to go to clubs that are outside the school and will cost a lot of money and be later in the evening, thereby making it very difficult for you especially with other committments.

Personally, i would restrict her to a few to teach her that she has to choose her favourites and doesn't just get to go to whatever clubs she sees.

Mine does three a week at the moment and it all adds up to a fair amount of money and time spent ferrying about - i'm not sure i would want to commit to more than that.

Its up to you though to do what you think is right in your own personal circumstances.

EricL · 10/09/2007 00:45

Just looking at your list again and we don't do any at the weekends either as it interferes with our weekends away as a family.

agnesnitt · 10/09/2007 09:19

My daughter swims and dances at the minute. As and when she becomes old enough there will be Rainbows and after school clubs too should she wish to join them. Having a child interested in stuff other than the insular stuff at home is a bonus for me. If it costs, then it costs. I'll budget around it.

You have to do what you feel comfortable with, but to out and out dismiss things because you don't like the sound of them (the D&T option was it?) is a tad harsh on your wee one. She's an individual, let her explore her nature and you'll probably find she'll settle to two or three things a week of her own accord. She's testing the waters

Agnes

(ex-trampoline, recycling, drama and recorder club member )

LoveAngel · 10/09/2007 09:43

Sounds way too much to me. I really believe young children need plenty of down time to balance out activities. I wouldn't have my children doing more than two after school activities per week. BUT - you know your child best

HonoriaGlossop · 10/09/2007 10:19

I agree with LA that it does sound alot, however you do know her best and whether she is exhausting herself with that lot!

The question I would be asking myself is whether she experiences enough time that is completely non-directed, when she can let her imagination run free and draw on her own thoughts and imaginings. That I think is really important developmentally for children. I don't think it does them any favours if all their time is directed by others and they rely on that; being bored, and having to find your own resources to deal with that, is really important.

If you feel she gets that genuine 'freedom' time as well as the activities then I would go for it if she's so keen. It's lovely that she WANTS to do stuff!

titchy · 10/09/2007 10:23

If she does something every night when will she have time for play dates? Not being able to go to a friends house for tea might maker her think again!

And personally I think an activity every day for 6 days is way too much, but kids these days tend to be overscheduled. There's a lot to be said for allowing them time to get bored and make up their own fun and games without having constant input from clubs/tv/console etc etc.

muppetgirl · 10/09/2007 10:25

I think it's a bit much but your dd seems to think she can do it and enthusiasm is sometimes half the battle. Why not comprimise with her? Say she can have till half term and you'll review it. That way you are listening to her whilst also retaining some sort of control. You also have a set deadline in which to review the situation.

My ds 3.5 does swimming on Mon for 1/2 hour and tennis on sat for 45 mins and he LOVES what he does as he's and outside active boy.

juuule · 10/09/2007 10:26

Mine went to rainbows. One night. That's all.

Hulababy · 10/09/2007 10:27

I have a DD in Y1 too and that looks like an awful lot of directed activity time. DD does swimming on a Wednesday and at the moment that is it, although she is hopefully starting a HSM dance class one day too. I have evtoed weekend activities as we are often away and do family stuff then. DD also has a friend round every Friday night, and will do after school club on a Tuesday - she wanted cookery club but it is full and she didn't manage to get a place this time.

So we have 3 out of 5 school nights occupied, albeit one is a play date thing (arranged by me and her mum, DDs best friend anyway, for childcare reasons really).

Rest of time is for school friends round and for undirected time. Oh and to get homework done before bedtime for a change too.

muppetgirl · 10/09/2007 10:31

That's a good point hulababy
she might not get a place for them all...

LIZS · 10/09/2007 10:37

dd who is just 6 has a club after school on Monday, dancing and swimming on Tuesday, choir on Wednesday. Monday break is ballet, Tuesday break is tennis, Friday lunchtime is choir. We aim to keep weekends free. tbh it is a lot but as it is all school based and the after school activities largely tie in with her brother's later pick up time, as an alternative to after school care.

Does your dd realise that she may be able to pick these things up later on , rather than all or nothing now .

Original poster
islandofsodor · 10/09/2007 11:57

Thsts thething Liz, last year dd was in after school care 2 nights a week and she finishes at 3.20pm but ds finishes at 3.45pm so her stopping til 4pm means less hanging around.

I understand what people say about weekend aactivities but weekends are not family time anyway. Dh and I both work Friday nights and Saturdays running the activity that dd will now do on a Saturday with us.

OP posts:
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