To be annoyed by "they are all in the ssme boat"

[Northernsoulgirl45]

I am referring to students who should have been taking exams this year.
They are still likely to miss out on all the rites of passage such as prom and celebrations assemblies compared to previous year groups.
More importantly if as some suggested thye sit their exams in September some students will have continued to receive face to face tuition whilst others won't.
It seems like any option will fail some students. Using mock results will penalise kids who underperformed in mocks. Using predicted grades is also fraught with issues.
Just feeling so gutted for year 11 and year 13 right now especially but also feel for all kids, parents,teachers etc right now.
AIBU

It’s completely unfair that anyone should be denied the opportunity to sit public exams

Of course, obvs that's tons more unfair than dying from a virus, especially if you have to miss having a party as well.
FFS

FGS.

Of course it’s for the greater good.

But it’s also perfectly acceptable to be sad for the things which were going to happen and now aren’t.

There are lots of little things coming out of this which people will miss out on.

Y6’s leaving school now and having to say goodbye to their friends and teachers, and the possibility at that age that those friendships will now end permanently because of the amount of time they’ll be off.

Y11 and y13 looking forward to leaving assembley and prom, many of whom will have gone out and bought an outfit already.

Coronavirus and everything associated with it is taking over everything right now. But that doesn’t mean that people can’t have their own personal thoughts and feelings about the things they will now miss out on.

There will be a life beyond this when we’ll look back and say “remember that year we had the pandemic and everything went into lockdown? It was crazy.” But when this time passes (and it will pass) there will still be life left to live and people should be entitled to feel the way they feel.

Humanity is about the bigger picture. You can acknowledge that deaths are tragic and need to be avoided at all cost, but you can also acknowledge that there are little things to come from this which affect people on a personal level, even if that is just the short term. The two things are not mutually exclusive.

Am I the only person with a kid who genuinely couldn't give a shit about exams or proms or who he will or won't see again?

No you're not, I can tell that he is disappointed, more about the Prom and missing a much anticipated school trip to Iceland, than the exams, but it was fairly fleeting. I just hope that he is not bottling it up, I will have to be watchful.

And for all those saying it's not important in the scheme of things we all know that, it's becoming boring now. These are children and young people that we are talking about, they are supposed to be selfish, it's normal. They will get over it.

What’s your alternative suggestion?
Yes, feel sad but honestly, was there anything else that could be done? These are exceptional circumstances. At least these students are likely to survive the virus and have a second chance at exams later. It’s a pause button in their lives not a stop button.

The whole situation is awful. We need to work on spring the students and their mental health as no doubt many of them will be finding this really tough.

Supporting not spring

YANBU. It's a bit sad but trying to avoid some of the hundreds of thousands of people who'll die (some of whom might be their grandparents, parents, or even themselves) is a little bit more important than a party or whatever.

YABU I mean lol*

I'm fairly sure there will have to be robust evidence for grades. Even for Foundation Stage goals in Reception we had to have 3 pieces of recorded evidence for each target.

You absolutely dont. Read the EYFS Profile handbook

There is no requirement that evidence should be formally recorded or documented. Practitioners should keep paperwork to the minimum needed to illustrate, support and recall their knowledge of the child’s attainment.

It is absolutely fine for anyone to mourn anything they have 'lost' out on. In the grand scheme of things, yes it's not the end of the world really but to them it is - at the moment. Same as if you were planning a holiday in the next month or so and now that is not going to happen. You have every right to be upset. It's a bit crass to just tell someone 'oh get over it'. What is major to someone maybe minor to someone else but doesn't make it any less important.

If you want to stamp your feet and shout it's not fair you go right ahead. And then calm down and try to make the best of it. It's a shit situation and we all have to muddle through best we can.

DS will miss saying goodbye to a lot of his year group. Realistically tomorrow may be the last time he sees any of them. And some of them he already probably won't see again because they are self isolating/staying at home because of health issues.

I think that's the thing that's hit him hardest. One moment he was expecting a few more weeks of school, then exams, then prom, then leavers' assembly - and at a moment's notice it's now likely that his whole year, and end of secondary school, finishes in the middle of March.

......but surely I can feel sad that her cohort will miss out. Also I am concerned for their mental health.

Missing out on something and being sad, disappointed, p1ssed off about is not a mental health issue. Being sad is not a mental health problem, it is just a normal part of life, and it trivializes actual mental health problems.
YABU re prom/missing out - not so much about the exams. But- they are competing for college places against students who have had the same experience of school closures - so is it really so unreasonable to say they are all in the same boat?

Kids without parental support/resources at home are like that whether they are in school or not and unfortunately they are the ones who will potentially be more damaged by this long term than the ones missing out on a prom.

From the BBC news:

With regard to offers of university places, Universities UK - the vice-chancellors' organisation - suggested universities may honour the offers already made on the basis of predicted grades.

The whole thing is awful. Of course health is more important, and these actions need taking but its reasonable to be sad and upset too.

Those of us who have distraught teenagers at home have to be sympathetic to everything they are missing. There's a grieving process at the moment and some sympathy for that wouldn't go amiss.

And for all those saying it's not important in the scheme of things we all know that, it's becoming boring now. These are children and young people that we are talking about, they are supposed to be selfish, it's normal. They will get over it

Yes! This!

It’s not about missing a party (that DD probably wouldn’t have gone to anyway) or their summer plans it’s about such a massive chapter of their lives coming to an end so abruptly and unexpectedly.

Once we get a bit more clarity regarding the exam and grades situation I’m sure things will calm down and she will get over it, but in the meantime my daughter is worried, stressed and sad about it. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about anything or anyone else.

I think everyone needs to get it into their heads that no one is getting through this unscathed, in one way or another. Some people will have their exams/leavers parties/proms ruined, some people will miss a holiday, some people will lose their business or their homes, some people will lose loved ones and some will lose their lives. It’s fine to grieve even the most shallow of losses, but everyone needs to stop expecting that life will continue as normal, or that some higher power will make an exception for you, and acknowledge that the fact it’s very unfair doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

I really hope they don't use predicted grades. If they do it will undoubtedly be the downfall of some students.

Teenagers are right to be angry about this, it's what they've been working for for the last two years. Reminding them that grandpa could be dead in a couple of months isn't going to make them feel any better about this.

Look there is a lesson in every situation in life. Rather than perpetuate this cycle of “their lives are doomed”, parents of all ages should be looking for the lesson in this. Yes some lessons are harder to take than others and I don’t doubt that many kids will be going through a grieving process over this but let’s help them shall we by getting them through the other side and not adding to the stress surrounding this. Life is shit for many people but if we can help our kids see this situation in the bigger picture then we will be doing them a great service and likewise teaching them to look for the opportunities in all situations, not just in the good/expected ones.

Presumably 80 year olds have a lifetime of memories, four months won't make much difference

What a crashingly insensitive and awful comment. I know you are upset about your DD's final days at school being affected, but FFS this is a horrible thing to say.

everyone has a right to be angry about this - everyone has a right to feel any emotional response they do.

but the time for reflection is during quarantine. now is the time for social distancing.

They completely have a right to be sad about it, it is awful for them. They may get into college/Uni still but still some of them will not be awarded the correct grade (higher or lower potentially).

It's a huge build up for them and just because it is exceptional circumstances currently doesn't mean they aren't upset or gutted about having to say goodbye to friends in 2 days, teachers too plus not getting the chance to shine in their exams. Personally I couldn't give a shiny shit about the prom.

It doesn't need to be worse than what is happening overall for it to still be a shit situation, my 39 yo friend is isolated at home with her 2 young daughters as she has breast cancer, she is looking at having a 2nd mastectomy and removal of ovaries soon also. That doesn't mean that CV isn't bad but it really isn't for 80% of people compared to whats happening to her but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be worried or upset about CV. It's not a shit situation competition

OP, if you are truly concerned for their mental health, guide them towards acceptance of the situation, that is the very least we can do for them as parents. If we support them by stressing the significance of making it through their academic year DESPITE the grim circumstances facing all of us, they will come into their own later in life well equipped for any crises that may arise in their future (and there will be many to come)...better than any final year rites of passages can offer to our beautiful kids!

Tbf my dd is pretty calm about it all even though she is concerned about grades.
Some of my friends dc are more upset along with some of her friends.
I am staying positive and she will continue to study at home to be ready for A levels.
It just feels that in rl and on here their losses are being minimised.
Yes many people are very much worse off and many will lose jobs and relatives etc but they still have a right for their loss to be acknowledged at the same time as reassuring them that it will be ok.

I hate proms. It’s a ridiculous American practice.
Better off without them

I was afraid to say that, but that's exactly my view, too.

How did we ever manage without a "rite of passage"? We just went to school on the last day of term and didn't go back again. For which I was eternally grateful, frankly.

It is sad. Sad for everyone who all have things to do, exams to take, bills to pay, jobs to go to, businesses that might fail, the list goes on. So we can't do things now. But if you still have good health then simply be grateful for that.