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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Partner Is A Selfish Twit!!

58 replies

Moodymagpie · 19/03/2020 09:22

DD aged 6, DD aged 2 and myself are in lock down due to new coughs and temperatures. We also have a 6 month old DD here.... My partner refuses to self isolate and has gone to work!

He said nothing was wrong with him so hes fine to work. Refuses to come home.. I told him about the government restrictions and how we should ALL be isolating. Apparently it doesn't apply to him.

Selfish fucker!

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 19/03/2020 09:24

He's a bollix. I'd be tempted to lock the door on him and tell him as the 'immune/healthy' one he can drop off supplies and sleep in the shed.

Geminijes · 19/03/2020 09:39

No wonder the virus is spreading so rapidly when there's idiots like your husband on the planet.

Does he practise being stupid or does it come naturally to him?

Sn0tnose · 19/03/2020 09:41

Selfish twit doesn’t cut it. He’s an arsehole who is clearly as thick as pig shit.

Haven’t you lost all respect for him?

pinkyredrose · 19/03/2020 09:43

If he's refusing to come home you'll not catch anything will you?

Sn0tnose · 19/03/2020 09:46

pinky it sounds like they could already have it, and her stupid, infectious husband is merrily spreading it about to other people, like medical professionals, people working in the food chain etc, who don’t have the option to self isolate.

Original poster
Moodymagpie · 19/03/2020 09:50

To be fair, I lost the majority of respect for him 5 years ago... I never thought he'd be this selfish though. Guess I never really knew him.

OP posts:
Theresnobslikeshowb · 19/03/2020 09:50

Idiots like this is why so many families are losing their loved ones right now, with many more thousands to follow. Selfish prick.

I hope you are all coping ok. Nothing worse than when you and the children feel unwell at the same time.

Zoecarter · 19/03/2020 09:51

😭😭😭this is horrible call his work and let them no I am so angry at people’s stupidity

BadCatDirtyCat · 19/03/2020 09:52

Call his boss and tell them that he's likely infectious?

Yes. He's a selfish arsehole. I'm sorry you have to deal with him.

Pilot12 · 19/03/2020 09:55

Same here, myself and the children are in isolation - staying at home, not going anywhere, not seeing anyone. DP thinks it's okay to visit his 16 year old daughter two evenings a week (see's still at school until the end of the week, takes the bus twice a day, lives with her Mum and stepdad who are both going to work as normal plus going out to walk the dogs).

DP who WFH refuses to understand that he is supposed to stay in his own home with the people he lives with and thinks he is an exception to the rules. He's even planning to visit his 79 year old Mother on Mother's Day.

Camouflags · 19/03/2020 09:56

I agree he should be self isolating but with all of the job losses recently it's no wonder he wants to go to work. There needs to be more force rather than just advice.
People wont willingly lose out on money- they wont wamt to show their employer that they can be done without for 2 weeks. They might not have a job to go back to.
And noone is issuing sick notes for self isolation so it's no wonder this coronavirus is spreading rapidly.
I imagine what is going through his head is 'i would rather potentially infect strangers than potentially lose 2 weeks wages and maybe my job'

Please dont flame me but it is a hard choice. Especially with empty shelves and job losses left right and center. Do whats best for everyone or do whats best for me? Loads of people are still working at the moment- ignorimg gov advice i bet

Original poster
Moodymagpie · 19/03/2020 09:56

I've already called his boss... His boss is a self made fucking gazillionaire... He relies on his employees to keep making his big bucks.. He doesn't seem to care. My partners brother works at the same place with him. He too has a 2 year old whose ill and refuses to self isolate. AngryHmm

OP posts:
PlugholePencil · 19/03/2020 10:01

Meanwhile you are stuck at home looking after the kids by yourself while sick.
I couldn’t forgive this.
We have cancelled Mother’s Day plans, 2x holidays, seeing a close family member for birthday celebrations. I’ve had to close my business that I only started in Jan and from Monday I’ll have 2 kids under 6 at home full time for god knows how long.
He needs a wake up call about how lucky he is to have a job and be well. I’m angry at him for you.
Give him the wake up call he needs OP. Don’t let him back in. He’s a selfish conscious spreader.

PlugholePencil · 19/03/2020 10:04

@Camouflags I could ignore the advice and run my classes. I’d make a killing as everyone else (competitors) are closing and people are messaging me saying they would come.
I haven’t. I’ve closed my business because that’s the responsible thing to do. I’m having to lay nursery fees to keep my child’s place, even though they are closing and I’ve lost my income.
That’s what the reality of this situation is.

pinkyredrose · 19/03/2020 10:08

Actually having read your other threads you're sad excuse of a partner seems like rather an arsehole. Why don't you tell him to not come home tonight or ever?

onalongsabbatical · 19/03/2020 10:14

Have you got bolts on the front door? Bolt him out. The army or police will pick him up.
I am (now only slightly) joking.

Lynda07 · 19/03/2020 10:16

I do hope you are all better soon, there are lots of bugs that aren't C virus. However your husband is a prat to even risk spreading germs on his journey to and from work and at work, never mind possibly bringing something else home to inflict on his already sick family.

Lock him out! He can sleep in his office.

Failing that, when he comes home isolate him in your house.

gingersausage · 19/03/2020 10:16

How are you planning to pay your rent/mortgage and bills if he doesn’t go to work ?

catwithnohat · 19/03/2020 10:22

@gingersaus, don't be a twat. It's not going to help if he gets the virus and then then spreads it about his colleagues or if he needs the OP to look after him.

Camouflags · 19/03/2020 10:24

@PlugholePencil
I completely understand but when your employer is putting pressure on you and you night not even get paid for the work you have already done...
I don't know the ins and out of the ops or your situation but my dad has had to go to work despite self isolating because he has been told over the phone (they wont answer any questions in writing Hmm) that he basically wont have a job. He gets paid quarterly. He can't garuntee the last 3 months wages and mistakes are often made meaning he has to chase his full wages at the best of times.
Lots of people in the same boat. My own dp has to regularly chase his wages too. Cousin in the same industry has the same problems but he's a shouter so not to the same extent.
Employers arent understanding and there are loads of people desperate for work right now- more than there was a few days ago so if my dp self isolated he would be replaced.
Its fucking scary and a vicious circle.
Until the government stop advising and fine/ prosecute employers for forcing people to work when they should be self isolating.
But then we all still want jobs to come back to aswell.
What to do? I really really dont know

Maybe op you could get your husband to wash his hamds when he comes in and goes out and open the frontt door for him at least? I really dont know!

Skigal86 · 19/03/2020 10:24

I’ve a colleague who did similar yesterday, my boss went ballistic and told her not to come in today (it was end of day when he found out). We will continue to be paid through any shutdown / work from home situation and our jobs won’t be at risk which makes it even worse because it’s completely unnecessary. I now daren’t visit my vulnerable mum for two weeks because of the selfish bitch, thankfully my workplace is now closed and we are all working from home.

gingersausage · 19/03/2020 10:28

@catwithnohat I’m not being a twat. I’m serious. It’s all very well being all holier than thou about it, but what realistically are they going to do? Sit around getting into debt and waiting for a government handout?

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 19/03/2020 10:29

Well then he can stay at a hotel to avoid potentially passing the virus on to you and the kids, can't he? Or sleep on the floor at the office.

Wanker.

Camouflags · 19/03/2020 10:33

@gingersausage so many people in the same boat. The only way I could be angry at someone choosing to work is if like a pp had saod they would be paid for self isolation.

nowayhose · 19/03/2020 10:40

I understand the concern about lost wages etc, but I cannot get past the idea that he doesn't give a shit about spreading the virus to other people.

I know the isolation is strongly worded 'advice' at the moment, but that's only because the government doesn't want to shut down the whole country. This will change very, very soon.

I'm of the opinion that he should be named and shamed on social media and I'd also report him to the police as he's risking other peoples lives by his actions. (Same as people with HIV having unprotected sex in the 90's)

ALL the selfish people who couldn't give a shit about anyone except themselves should be named and shamed for their 'I'm alright Jack, fuck you! ' behaviours. (Including the panic shoppers !)

We are ALL going to face severe hardships during this pandemic, but I fail to see how your 'DH''s wants/ needs should be more important than anyone else's health/ life !!

He can't even be bothered to stay at home to care for his own sick wife and kids FFS !

@ gingersausage

Why the hell does the rent/ mortgage seem more important to you that someones LIFE ? I mean it's LITERALLY a life or death decision he's making unilaterally, with NO thought about his own family or anyone else's family's health !
(and there is government help i.e no evicting anyone and mortgage breaks etc, so it's not as if there's no help coming for this !)

I wish you and your children a speedy recovery, and remember, you really find out what your partners priorities in a crisis. Clearly neither you or your children are even on your H's radar ! :(