Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one came to my daughters 1st bday

91 replies

Jbm2019 · 16/03/2020 22:16

So it was my daughters 1st bday on Friday. I went out for a nice meal with my family and my baby girl. Good times. Anyways, on the Saturday I had planned for a few “friends” to come round with their kids for a little meal and some cake. Literally no one turned up. My daughter didn’t get any presents or cards from these ppl. I had my daughter dressed up in a pretty dress and felt like such a bad mum. I’m heartbroken for her even though I know she doesn’t understand but I wanted to have some cute pictures or something for her to look back on when she’s older. One of them said she’d come the next day and she didn’t but ended up going out with her other friends. I’m literally devastated as I never thought ppl would do this. I feel like cutting these people off as the friendship feels very one sided from my end. Anyways am I overreacting...?

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 17/03/2020 10:26

@Jbm2019 seems to have disappeared!

Moonlite · 17/03/2020 10:37

YANBU to be disappointed however they are also NBU if their reason was they were worried about CV

No one came to my daughters 1st bday
milveycrohn · 17/03/2020 10:40

Your friends are rude not to notify you, whatever the reason.
I hope you still had the cake with candles, sang happy birthday, had a present for her to unwrap, a pretty dress, and a photo.
Maybe include all her teddies or other suitable toys for the photo.
She wont remember, but you will still have a happy photograph to mark the occassion.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 17/03/2020 10:51

I understand your upset, but across the water in Ireland, schools have shut down. Children are being kept in doors - expect for maybe being allowed play out in their own gardens without contact with anyone. Parents are being asked to not bring their children out. Not to playgrounds, not to friends' houses, not into the supermarket, not to doctors' surgeries.

So yes, it is shit that none of your friends showed up with their children. But it is also a blessing in disguise. The UK are in no way prepared, or preparing for what is about to hit. It will get to the level of cases where doctors are going to have to decide who to ventilate and who to let die.

A mother might be picked over a childless woman. A 45 year old mother might be left to die in favour of saving a 35 year old mother.

This is the reality in Italy that is being ignored by the UK. People in the UK aren't immune. For now, stay in with your baby. Don't go out unless necessary. Don't bring her out, at all. Wash your hands. A lot. She will be ok. Children are carriers of this rather than victims of it. You, however, might not be ok.

Please be sensible. The government aren't being.

Porcupineinwaiting · 17/03/2020 10:57

Oh OP Flowers

There will be other birthdays. And, one day she is older, you can tell your DD about 2020, the year of coronavirus, and the things that were different that year.

mrsBtheparker · 17/03/2020 10:59

In the current situation I'm surprised you even considered having a 'party' for your daughter's birthday. By being careful maybe people are hoping she'll have a second birthday. Maybe they should have sent messages etc but we are really living in extraordinary times, it may not have been their first thought if they too have families. Your daughter's not bothered at all!

DiaDino · 17/03/2020 11:00

Its unreasonable that they didn't telll you they werent coming. Considering the circumstances i dont think not showing was unreasonable

redwinefine · 17/03/2020 11:00

YANBU. They can't even claim they were worried about CV if they went out together the next day! How horrible. At least your daughter won't know she's been let down. TBH, this would be enough for me to drop friendships.

thetoddleratemyhomework · 17/03/2020 11:20

Did you invite formally? Or just say pop round? Did people confirm that they were definitely coming ahead of time?

biwinoone · 17/03/2020 14:09

She is only one so it doesn't really matter. For our's first birthday we have a family party. We didn't start to invite friends until my child was old enough to pester us to invite them. Up until then we would decorate the home, dress up, cut a cake and sing happy birthday just with family. That's it and that's all they need. Your DD celebrated her birthday with family and that is what matters most.

idonttrustboris · 17/03/2020 14:10

We're in a bloody pandemic. Worry about bigger things

FLO20 · 17/03/2020 14:11

Bless you id be so upset too and angry x

Mary46 · 17/03/2020 18:19

Very sorry for you. That is so hurtful. I remember my son 1st bday it is special. People so self absorbed! Did they reply at all.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/03/2020 18:32

@Jbm2019 - please don’t worry that you are a bad parent or feel bad for your little girl. I have three children, all grown up now, and I promise you they have never even asked about how we celebrated their first birthdays.

What they do remember is the parties they had when they were older. The support we gave them with school, life, friendships, activities, university etc. The family jokes and funny anecdotes. The hugs and love.

I do know where you are coming from. I didn’t manage to breastfeed any of my babies for more than a few weeks, and I felt like the worst failure as a mum. But now I look back, and I see that the thing which mattered so much back then really wasn’t the end of the world - there was so much more that I did do for them.

None of is a perfect parent - and you will drive yourself mad if you try to be perfect all of the time. Be kind to yourself - you deserve it.

bushhbb · 17/03/2020 18:46

It's obviously because of coronavirus

op said one went out with friends the next day.

BogRollBOGOF · 17/03/2020 18:52

It was rude of people not to warn you.

DS's 2nd birthday fell awkwardly around Easter and everyone invited declined as they had other plans fitted in around Easter. We only had the new neighbours come over in the end.

He will be 7 during the Easter Holidays. No party. Fortunately I was tardy in thinking about it so haven't had to actually cancel anything. We are supposed to go away... that may well not happen if we have a lock down. He's the prime age for birthdays and will remember it, and I'm having to prime him that it will be low-key.

It's not ideal, but c'est la vie.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread