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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No one came to my daughters 1st bday

91 replies

Jbm2019 · 16/03/2020 22:16

So it was my daughters 1st bday on Friday. I went out for a nice meal with my family and my baby girl. Good times. Anyways, on the Saturday I had planned for a few “friends” to come round with their kids for a little meal and some cake. Literally no one turned up. My daughter didn’t get any presents or cards from these ppl. I had my daughter dressed up in a pretty dress and felt like such a bad mum. I’m heartbroken for her even though I know she doesn’t understand but I wanted to have some cute pictures or something for her to look back on when she’s older. One of them said she’d come the next day and she didn’t but ended up going out with her other friends. I’m literally devastated as I never thought ppl would do this. I feel like cutting these people off as the friendship feels very one sided from my end. Anyways am I overreacting...?

OP posts:

WanderingTrolley1 · 17/03/2020 00:03

No return from OP.

C8H10N4O2 · 17/03/2020 00:05

It was poor form of the guests to fail to let you know. However your daughter won't care a hoot about having 1st birthday photographs with all your friends and their children included. She will make her own friends by the time she is old enough to be interested in those pictures beyond a glance to mock her mother's fashion choices

Kokeshi123 · 17/03/2020 00:05

Horrible post from Weary upthread.

People should reserve properly for events and then show up unless there is a dire reason why they cannot.

Some people are social restricting due to the virus, but the polite thing to do in that case, would be to talk to the hostess and discuss an alternative, like shifting the date/organizating a Skype stream from the party or an entirely online event or something.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 17/03/2020 00:29

Really rude to not just turn up without telling you. Your daughter won’t care now or in the future in reality, but it is extremely rude of your so-called friends not to call or text. Staying away under the current circumstances is not unreasonable on their part, but the lack of communication certainly is.

1Morewineplease · 17/03/2020 00:35

I’m assuming that you sent out invites?!
If you did then you don’t need those friends.
If it was an informal’ just turn up’ invites then maybe CV had something to do with it.
Did anyone send a message saying that they couldn’t come?

Durgasarrow · 17/03/2020 01:02

My heart hurt for you when I read your description of your day. Being the mother of a baby can be so hard. To be a mother of a little one, you have to tune in to what makes this innocent being unique, to get into the child's rhythm, which is different than the rhythm of the busy grown-up world. People can be impatient and treat you as if you and your concerns are infantile. But truly, you are doing such important work by loving your child deeply and making yourself vulnerable by loving your baby. I am sorry you were treated poorly by your friends. They should have communicated with you. But please know that it is beautiful that you love your child so much, whether or not other people came.

HelloBolloxMyOldFriend · 17/03/2020 02:00

Weary should take a wee nap.

Coyoacan · 17/03/2020 02:55

I'm so sorry, OP. These things happen. I think people assume that other people will go and they won't be missed.

mathanxiety · 17/03/2020 03:33

Do you realise there is a national health emergency going on?

Those people did you and your baby a massive favour.

Nancydrawn · 17/03/2020 03:39

There are two separate issues.

They were well within their rights, and probably sensible, not to come to a party right now.

They were inexcusably rude not to call and make their apologies.

TiredMum10 · 17/03/2020 03:42

You were silly actually inviting people over with what's going on.

eaglejulesk · 17/03/2020 07:32

I'm sorry OP, this was very mean of your "friends". Fair enough if they didn't want to be out and about in this current crisis, but they should have let you know. You said that one was going to come the next day, but went out with other friends instead, so they are obviously still going out. You sound like a lovely Mum, and yes, thank goodness your little girl is too young to know. I think I would be ditching these "friends" and finding some with better manners.

UsernameUnknownn · 17/03/2020 07:36

That's horrible OP. I can understand why you're upset. I'd re think the friendship.
Least your DD had a lovely day Friday with family

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/03/2020 07:42

I’m sorry OP- I hate all that a 1 yr old won’t remember- it’s still a nice occasion and if your “friends” are still going out and didn’t msg you they aren’t friends

RuggerHug · 17/03/2020 07:56

They should have got it touch to let you know they weren't coming but I completely get why they didn't.

My parents funeral was Sat. We didn't take any issue with the small numbers because we understood it was because of the virus and loads got in touch to apologise and send condolences. Your daughter won't know who wasn't there, as the dead don't know.

The issue is the no contact from people.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/03/2020 08:19

Did you actually get confirmations that they were coming?

Beautiful3 · 17/03/2020 08:21

I think that not texting you to let you know, is really bad manners. No wonder you're upset. Can you group message them, " how come you all didn't turn up. I was worried about you all".

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/03/2020 09:29

Not coming back then OP 🤔

JovialNickname · 17/03/2020 09:38

That's really horrible OP, I'm sorry that happened to you. The thought of your daughter being all dressed up and no one coming is so sad. She really doesn't know though and had a lovely birthday with her rellies the day before so please don't think you've let her down - you haven't. I know I probably shouldn't say this but I would tell your "friends" that no one turned up and how sad and horrible you felt for your daughter. Hopefully it will make them feel properly guilty, the shits that they are

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 17/03/2020 09:53

My daughter didn’t get any presents or cards from these ppl.
Your daughter won't have any idea about birthdays or remotely care about having presents from your friends. This is about you.

"I wanted to have some cute pictures or something for her to look back on when she’s older"
The relevant phrase is "I wanted". It isn't about you. Only close relatives generally care in the slightest about a first birthday. The baby doesn't care.

"I’m literally devastated"
That is a total over-reaction to such a situation. Devastation should be saved for bereavement or divorce.

Isthistrueor · 17/03/2020 09:56

They obviously should have let you know, it’s just rude not to but I can understand why they didn’t go.

jayritchie · 17/03/2020 10:03

You sound wonderful. If you pm me I’ll send her a birthday card.

Dishwashersaurous · 17/03/2020 10:07

This is really really werid.

It’s completely understandable that people are not going to parties- as of yesterday of course all parties should be cancelled.

But for not a single person, out of how many, to not have called or texted to say that they couldn’t come is very very strange.

What have they said when you contacted them to ask why they didn’t turn up?

And I think that you need to think about the wider situation- this is not about your daughter- thousands of people across the world are cancelling holidays, weddings and not being able to attend funerals. this is unprecedented

Having said that they are very rude to not let you know

sleepingpup · 17/03/2020 10:13

This was sad for you OP but I think you have to look at the bigger picture.

These are unprecedented times. I don't think I would have taken my little ones to a casual birthday thing. I would probably have been trying to buy a bottle of calpol and some nappies.

You are not a bad mum. You sound very caring. But life isn't Instagram.

And your baby really will not care.

SylvanianFrenemies · 17/03/2020 10:23

They should have let you know. Other than that YABU and silly.

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