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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No one came to my daughters 1st bday

91 replies

Jbm2019 · 16/03/2020 22:16

So it was my daughters 1st bday on Friday. I went out for a nice meal with my family and my baby girl. Good times. Anyways, on the Saturday I had planned for a few “friends” to come round with their kids for a little meal and some cake. Literally no one turned up. My daughter didn’t get any presents or cards from these ppl. I had my daughter dressed up in a pretty dress and felt like such a bad mum. I’m heartbroken for her even though I know she doesn’t understand but I wanted to have some cute pictures or something for her to look back on when she’s older. One of them said she’d come the next day and she didn’t but ended up going out with her other friends. I’m literally devastated as I never thought ppl would do this. I feel like cutting these people off as the friendship feels very one sided from my end. Anyways am I overreacting...?

OP posts:

EmeraldShamrock · 16/03/2020 22:45

Forgot to add yanbu to be upset. Your friends are very rude for not letting you know.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/03/2020 22:48

So hurtful OP, I’m really sorry. You deserve better. Belated happy birthday to your daughter and congratulations to you on being a mum for a year

It’s my baby’s first birthday this week and I’ve cancelled the do we had planned for the weekend.

hapagirl · 16/03/2020 22:49

This is mean. It’s common curtesy to say if you can’t come for whatever reason. I can see why you are upset. But you DD had her favourite person in the whole world with her on her birthday.

Pipandmum · 16/03/2020 22:50

Have you asked any of them why they didn't come? I'd be saying to them 'I was expecting you for X's birthday, and I've been worried as you didn't show up, is everything ok'? Make them squirm!

probablysue · 16/03/2020 22:50

Did they let you know they weren’t coming?

PickAChew · 16/03/2020 22:52

She won't care.

BumbleBeee69 · 16/03/2020 22:53

on the Saturday I had planned for a few “friends” to come round with their kids for a little meal and some cake

was this on actual invites ? or mentioned in passing in conversation without any detail or replies required ?

NoProblem123 · 16/03/2020 22:54

You’ve got a year to find better friends OP.
Her second one should be fab 👍🏻

What a awesome mum she’s got every day though 💐

HooverVacuum · 16/03/2020 22:55

People are rude.

It's obviously because of coronavirus but I think we are at a point because not everyone has embraced social distancing that some people are embarrassed to say frankly "I don't want to come to your event because I'm scared that I may get corona virus". This is for a number of reasons - until late today there was no official direction to avoid it, it kind of feels like you are insulting someone by suggesting they are lying about not being well or aren't being hygenic or their friends may have it.

Hell yes it's rude but for some people just not saying anything is perceived by them to be less awful or awkward than saying what they think.

You know your daughter won't remember this - and it's a weird time. She'll have 10s of birthdays to go. I have no idea even whether I had a first birthday party or who was there and I don't care. Do you remember yourself?

Sorry you had a crappy experience and people are rude but it is a VERY exceptional time.

LunaLula83 · 16/03/2020 23:04

Put it down to Corona and find new friends

Bouledeneige · 16/03/2020 23:07

Honestly its not surprising. We are approaching lockdown. People should have told you and been polite of course. But your 1 year old will not have a clue. Let it go. There are much worse things to cope with over the next few months. Really.

Namechange4nowt45 · 16/03/2020 23:07

But you did do something you had a lovely meal out on Friday with family? Its shit that your mum freinds didn't turn up but shes a baby I kind of feel it's more about you getting the attention?

lmcneil003 · 16/03/2020 23:07

Are they real friends? How long have you known them? Or are they people you'd like to be friends with?

Greenpop21 · 16/03/2020 23:12

Bad if they didn’t let you know but if it was over the virus yabu.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 16/03/2020 23:17

Oh, ouch.

We cancelled going to a kid's party at the weekend because of coronavirus. I just didn't think it was worth the risk, much as I can empathise with a six year old kid who won't understand and I did feel for her in case everybody cancelled.

But I texted to say I wasn't going. That does sound like a bit shitty behaviour from your friends. You sound like a lovely mum - and you deserve decent friends! I think when we have small kids everything changes and we sometimes take a while to settle with new friends/changed life circumsnances.

You had the lovely meal with your family, you have your lovely daughter. Focus on that right now. There will be many more birthdays that she will be more aware of.

My son's first was a bit of a disaster - we were snowed in and the weather got mad, so we did nothing at all, not even the tiny wee party we'd planned. I felt bad, but in the end I have some photos of me and my partner hugging him and him eating his cake, and it's a happy memory.

All the best, OP.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 16/03/2020 23:19

I’m so sorry. That’s horrible. It reflects badly on them and not you. Glad you were able to celebrate with family on the day itself.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/03/2020 23:22

We cancelled going to a kid's party at the weekend because of coronavirus. I just didn't think it was worth the risk You were right. As above DS party is cancelled every March and probably April DC will have to settle for family tea and cake, that's if there is any cake available. It's not a bad thing some DC are in refugee camps, starving, homeless, I just hope a birthday is all they lose on after this pandemic.

Cyllie33 · 16/03/2020 23:26

They shouldn’t come in the current climate. No one should be attending or hosting parties.

Seriously.

If they didn’t text or acknowledge then yes, that’s a bit sad. But no one should be having a group gathering

Eckhart · 16/03/2020 23:28

YABU to say you are 'heartbroken for her' in the same breath as saying you know she doesn't understand. Do you have photos of your first birthday party? Would you be heartbroken not to have them?

You have one year to find better friends. Then your Dd will have baby birthday photos to love, and you will have ditched the dead wood.

COVID-19 or not, it's crap of people not to let you know they weren't coming.

EmpressMcSchnozzle · 16/03/2020 23:28

So sorry this happened, but you sound like a lovely mum with a nice family. I'm sure your daughter looked adorable.

(Some of the best parties I've ever gone to/held have just been with the family and the cats.)

They really should have let you know if they weren't coming although as others have said these are not normal times and lots of people have reverted to "survival' mode already, it seems. When this is over, maybe find some new friends?

goldfinchfan · 16/03/2020 23:35

If she is one year old it will mean nothing to her. She won't know any different

You might be disappointed but better to stay healthy

Standrewsschool · 16/03/2020 23:38

They should have let you know.

cstaff · 16/03/2020 23:39

My friend had to cancel his 7 year olds party recently because of corona virus. His child was devastated because he's only 7 but it was the right thing to do in the circumstances. People are nervous about meet ups at the moment. I think the reason you didn't get any cancellation calls is because they were wondering why it was going ahead at all and thought ywbu not to have called it off.

andyoldlabour · 16/03/2020 23:46

They should have contacted you, but in the present situation I think they were right tos tay away.
Sorry if this upsets you.

Thinkingabout1t · 16/03/2020 23:57

What a shame. You sound like a lovely mum, and you deserve better friends. I don’t think your DD would realise what happened, so she wouldn’t be disappointed — but you are because you love her. Your love us so much more important to her than a party or a bunch of non-friends.

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