Unannounced visitors

[Winemammy]

Is it rude or not? My dad in particular often show up unannounced and it infuriates me. It’s usually about twice a week. Before now he’s turned up when both DC are down for a nap and I’ve snook off for a shower. He knew we was in so he alternated from banging the bay window and front door for so long that he got the dog barking and woke both children up🙄. I think he assumes that because im a SAHM I’m just skinning around all day yet he always manages to catch me right in the middle of my jobs. I’ve tried asking him to at least call first but he just won’t. Has anyone else had this? How did you handle it? Or am I being unreasonable in finding this behaviour rude🤷🏽‍♀️

I think I will have to be quite ruthless when I confront him I’ve really had enough now I’ve just not wanted to really let rip on him until I knew I wasn’t being a dick. This post has definitely given me that push I needed

Good.....ruthless is exactly what you need to be with him. He won't understand any other 'language'.

Be prepared to tell him, and follow through, on calling the police if he refuses to leave/continues this harassment.

Looking at how forceful he is and super-deter,mined to get his own way on his terms......where the fuck was that determination to see YOU for the first 16 years of your life?
He could have gone to court and got access to see you/be in your life?
Nah...he was too busy shagging some other woman and playing house with her.

It's such a shame that he's an overbearing, manipulative bully instead of a decent dad.
In hindsight, it's just as well he's been absent from your life during your childhood......cos he could have well and truly fucked your head and life up.

If you can afford it, the Ring doorbell is a good idea.

My parents and DHs have keys, so just let themselves in, they're mindful that DS might be napping and if I'm busy or in the shower they just put the kettle on. I let myself into their house so don't see why it would be any different in reverse

However I don't have the same relationship with my parents as you do your dad. Just commenting on the 'it's never ok' brigade

This is your father.

Perhaps be glad that he wants to call around with you

Some of us wish that our fathers were still alive, having been taken too soon

I’m from Ireland (now live in London) and I find it weird that people think it’s rude to visit your child without god knows how much notice or only visit for a scheduled hour once a week. Back home people visit houses all the time without calling first so to me it’s normal. My dhs family call to ours all the time without it being arranged beforehand. My family obviously can’t being in Ireland but when their in London (don’t always stay with us if a few are coming there’s sometimes not enough room, if only a couple of my parents they stay with us) they come over when they want.

• This is your father.

Perhaps be glad that he wants to call around with you

Some of us wish that our fathers were still alive, having been taken too soon*

This is a man that had nothing to do with her for the first 16 years of her life. No parenting, financial support. Why does she owe him her time now, especially is he actively ignores the fact that she's busy and has no respect for boundaries?

I hate this too. My ex husband's family were the champions of doing this. Thankfully now we're no longer together,I don't have to put up with it.
What's more,they KNEW that I hated unannounced visits, but
like your dad,they just would not phone first to check that it was OK. But I am certain that the reason they never checked first was for the very reason that they knew I would probably say it wasn't convenient! In the end,I just refused to answer the door to them. Luckily I live in a second floor flat,so there was no risk of them sneaking around looking in windows!
The problem with them was that they would turn up at the most inconvenient times. Like when I had been working a late shift until 10pm and had just got home from work at 11pm, absolutely shattered from being on my feet for 8 hours. Or at 8pm on Christmas Eve when I was up to my eyes in preparations. Or when I was recovering from a particularly nasty dose of flu and felt and looked awful.

Gosh, this is a first. There's always one on this kind of thread who wishes they could still be inconvenienced by a relative who has now died. But this thread has two of 'em!

As for those shouting repeatedly that this is the OP's dad, well, apart from the fact that he is barely more than a sperm donor even if he has latterly decided to buy his way back into her life, you'd think a loving parent would have more consideration for their daughter's wishes and convenience - wouldn't you? Or is a child an accessory to your life, who must subordinate their need to put the children to bed to your perceived need to be entertained at this precise time? I'm a mother of 4 and a grandmother of 3, and I'd never treat my own offspring with such disrespect. Such high-handed disregard. Such unkindness.

I think he sounds a bit creepy, to be honest. He's also pissing all over your DH. For the sake of your marriage, ban him from the house. Tell him you will see him at his house but yours is out of bounds, due to his past behaviour.

well with social distancing and self isolation of over 70s he'll hopefully get out of habit and you have a cast iron reason not to open the door.

@darbs me too