Deal breaker?

[Ginbunny1212]

Been in 2 dates with a nice guy. We get on, lots of chatting on dates, attractive guy. It’s been drinks. I am very fussy or as my friends say, go looking for faults instead of positives. My friends are in the fence.

The deal breaker. I am a foodie and feeder. I enjoy trying new food, eat out about2x a week and love cooking. I eat a variety of foods and incorporate vegetables in my meals - stews, pasta sauces etc. Eat lots of fruit. I am just not a meat and veg person and hardly eat potatoes. I grew up in a chip shop and think I have seen too many potatoes and chips to last a life time.

The guy doesn’t eat anything other than bland food, meat and potatoes. No veg or fruit and doesn’t really eat out or try new food or eat out.

Should I continue as foodie a big part of my life , especially restaurants

I think it's a bit early to call it a day based just on this. You can get around this by dining out with others, dining out with him even if he always orders chicken, making a game of finding new foods he likes, etc. If otherwise you quite like him, have a few more dates.

Can you jnot enjoy your food and he enjoy his? Fo you have to enjoy the same food? Is food the only thing you are interested in - can you find another interest you both care about?
My friend is a fitness fanatic. His girlfriend could not care less about working out. He has a strict eating regime. She loves to eat takeaways. They've been together for years.
Give it some time first- you may find other things you can share.

I can’t see how it would even be a problem, he eats what he likes, you eat what you want. Look at restaurant menus online, if there is nothing to suit him then go there alone or with friend. Most places have plain bland options, my eldest went to an Asian fusion restaurant today and had steak, there is always steak unless it’s a vegetarian/vegan restaurant.

I'm married to a bland eater, we met young and tbh it didn't bother me then but it does bother me now.

If we go on holiday we can't really try any local places and end up eating the same stuff we would at home, I can't go to my favourite places because there's nothing he will eat, cooking at home can be really boring as there's only so much you can make with the foods he likes... Basically all my food choices have to revolve around him because I can eat his shit but he won't try mine.

Of course, this is only a small part of our relationship and I don't know if I'd have ended it if we got together now but I do think it's something to consider because there are times where it really does piss me off!

Being a feeder isn't a good thing OP, it's the opposite and a bit of a red flag for him if anything, that you need that to get by and form connections.

Presumably you still manage to go out to eat and enjoy restaurants and cooking before you met him with others so why can that not continue, why does what he puts in his mouth have to do with much else. The potatoes obsession is genuinely a bit odd.

You know yourself best ultimately, if it's a huge issue then don't carry on but 2 dates is nothing, did you spend them asking what he usually eats in a day and what foods he refuses to eat and what he is willing to try? How do you know otherwise? What he chose from the menu twice is indication of nothing really, and the conversation sounds very dry if it got down to providing weekly food plans 2 dates in.

That's a pretty ridiculous reason to write the guy off, but if you think it's something that will bother you, end it now. You've only had 2 dates, shouldn't be a big deal to end it.

I think it's a ridiculous reason to write off an otherwise nice person

My DH used to be like this. (Probably because his parents were bloody awful cooks.) I advised him that I had zero interest in cooking two meals or eating beige stodge. I continued to cook my style as usual and he began to try new things and quickly learned to like them. (Being a typical bloke, he was less interested in cooking and shopping, so often ended up “tolerating” my food and being pleasantly surprised.)

My mum could have written your post, yet she’s been married now for 40+years! Not a big deal.

That would do my head in too. I think it shows a lack of sense of adventure generally. No time for that.

Yep I couldn't be doing with that.

It's not so much that I'd care whether he's eating the same as me, it just shows we're unlikely to be compatible in outlook.

I get what you mean OP. Not quite the same but I dated a guy briefly who declared himself a 'foodie'. What that really meant is when he went to a restaurant he wanted ALL THE MEAT. I didn't notice at first, I like a steak or massive burger myself, but I really am the least fussy person ever and eat everything.

We would send each other menus and suggest trying the place. I started to notice him were very samey, pub grub, steakhouse type places. I wanted to take him to my favourite restaurant which happens to be Moroccan. He turned his nose up at the menu saying there 'wasn't much choice'. Then cooking at mine I would suggest a meal and he would wrinkle his nose and say, 'oh I don't like x' - a vegetable of some kind every time.

I was probably BU, especially living alone and eating what I want, but it got exhausting catering to a fussy toddler who wouldn't even try what I made. I didn't care if he chose a steak at the Moroccan place (widely reviewed as one of the best in my city!) but he dismissed it as probably having 'weird spices' in it and refused to go.

The problem with 'fussy' eaters is that you always end up pandering to them, you have to restrict your food choices to accommodate them. I couldn't be doing with that, rightly or wrongly it got under my skin that a grown man thought he could make the final decision on what/where I ate. It wasn't the reason I dumped him, but I wasn't sorry to see him go because of this.

My DP is a bland eater. I love to cook and food is a big part of my life. It’s made no difference and he’s soon to be DH, though Coronavirus has meant cancelling so it’ll be later rather than sooner. It can be frustrating sometimes but if it wasn’t that it’d be something else. The fact you’re worrying about this after two dates is silly.

Nah I would not be able to continue. Food is a bit part of someone's lifestyle, if you're not compatible it can cause resentment. I know someone who's absolutely sick of her husband's lack of interest in food/refusing to dine out etc, it completely ruins her holidays.
Yes you can go with friends but it's not the same.

YABU in that you might be able to get him in to going to restaurants etc at least. I never used to likeit but one of my exes got me into it.

It is a total deal breaker for me!

Lack of adventurous spirit
Rigid routine

Absolutely deal-breaker after 2 dates. Find someone who is adventurous and flexible if that's what you want.

Someone else will like him.

I can't deal with fussy eaters. Yes, it's his problem but he will make this your problem when you can't eat anywhere except for shit pub food places and when you do the weekly shop and end up buying mostly shit bland food and when he turns his nose up at anything you cook or makes ping meals when it's his turn to cook or when you go on holiday and have to go eat somewhere that makes egg and chips etc etc etc. Pain in the arse fussy eaters!!

Don’t call it a day yet, @Ginbunny1212 if everything else is good. Maybe he’s just never been exposed to lovely culinary delights, so isn’t very adventurous. Imagine how nice it would be to introduce him to all the things you love. Especially if he loves it, too. Cooking for someone who is an enthusiastic and grateful recipient is very enjoyable.

Think you are jumping the gun a bit after 2 dates, especially if you like him. I would say I’m a bit of a foody too but my other half thinks tinned pies and tinned potatoes is a proper meal. We have a menu of things we will both eat and some days I end up making 2 different dinners. If I cook a whole chicken, with the left overs I make myself a few portions of chicken curry, which he won’t eat and freeze it and on the days I have the curry, he will have a tinned pie. He does all the washing up so it doesn’t matter how much mess I make. Compromise is part of a relationship.

Variety of opinions, demonstrating that there's no 'right' answer here. I don't understand how you can be asking on a forum if something is a deal breaker, when it's such a personal decision. Nobody but you knows how much this bothers you.

My fiancé was a bland eater when we met. Slightly different situation as it was partly due to the fact he has Crohn’s so had reduced his diet to white foods to try to manage the symptoms. But there were lots of things he had never tried even before his diagnosis.

At first he was hesitant to try new things but seeing me eating them and me cooking some different things gave him the chance to try them and his diet is much more varied 4 years on. There are still a few things he won’t risk because of his illness but we never have problems eating out, most restaurants have at least one less adventurous option, although often he now tries something new.

People and habits can change, sometimes a different influence is all that’s needed. It depends if it’s his attitude to new food or if the bland stuff is just food that he’s grown used to/knows how to cook.

If he was peeeeerfect in every other way and you'd had two amazing dates where you were falling head over heels then it's something I'd overlook.

But it doesn't sound like that to me, he sounds like he's just 'ok' with a pretty big snag.

I don't like fussy eaters as I think they are generally risk averse, lack sophistication and are not very worldly, which are not attractive qualities to me.

My husband is definitely a meat and two veg type if he has his way but he eats pretty much anything that I'll cook and will eat the local cuisine wherever we are so it's not an issue.

Deal breaker for me.
It says so much about lifestyle.

I'm just reading about the tinned pies tigerbilly

I never even knew they existed before stocking up on tins with the Coronavirus!