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AIBU?

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Original poster

Deal breaker?

55 replies

Ginbunny1212 · 15/03/2020 23:14

Been in 2 dates with a nice guy. We get on, lots of chatting on dates, attractive guy. It’s been drinks. I am very fussy or as my friends say, go looking for faults instead of positives. My friends are in the fence.

The deal breaker. I am a foodie and feeder. I enjoy trying new food, eat out about2x a week and love cooking. I eat a variety of foods and incorporate vegetables in my meals - stews, pasta sauces etc. Eat lots of fruit. I am just not a meat and veg person and hardly eat potatoes. I grew up in a chip shop and think I have seen too many potatoes and chips to last a life time.

The guy doesn’t eat anything other than bland food, meat and potatoes. No veg or fruit and doesn’t really eat out or try new food or eat out.

Should I continue as foodie a big part of my life , especially restaurants

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 17/03/2020 22:53

I am like you OP and this would probably be a deal breaker for me, not in the short term as all dates dont have to revolve around food, but in the long term, if you live together you either cook separately or you eat potatoes every day.

SuburbanFraggle · 17/03/2020 22:53

@noconceptofnormal

I once saw a full English breakfast in a can.

TORDEVAN · 17/03/2020 22:53

I was like that before I moved out, my parents financial situation and lifestyle meant I'd had barely any variety in food. It took 1 person to expand my horizons in that respect, I'm not amazing at being adventurous with food now but much better

KatherineJaneway · 17/03/2020 22:55

I'm a foodie too. If it was me I'd bin him. Far to wide a gap to bridge.

Can't abide fussy eaters and those not at least willing to try different foods with an open mind.

VanGoghsDog · 17/03/2020 23:18

Yeah, that'd be the end for me. I've had a few blokes like that, it's too tedious for words.

One guy wouldn't eat any spices, nothing acidic, didn't drink, couldn't eat tomatoes, didn't like much veg at all yet claimed to be "mainly vegetarian", had to eat by 6pm. He complained that the garlic in my food kept him awake. Hmm

Sparklfairy · 17/03/2020 23:30

@VanGoghsDog how long did you last before you murdered him ? Grin

OrchidJewel · 17/03/2020 23:32

Only the other day my pal who is always giving out about her DHs diet, he only eats steak and potatoes, collapsed in work, he had been complaining of stomach pains, diagnosed with diverticulitis (has to go into hospital if it flairs up for IV antibiotics). She was always pissed off every where they went hunting for a steak place and they are massive travellers. She is now begging him change his diet.

VanGoghsDog · 18/03/2020 00:05

@Sparklfairy

Three dates!

user1473878824 · 18/03/2020 00:20

@Ginbunny1212 do you like him? Do you feel happy about thinking about him? MOST IMPORTANT! Does he make you laugh? Because in all honesty I’d rather spend the rest of my life with someone who always made me laugh even if I got cross about him eating a tinned pie than someone who always had my perfect dinner on the table or who adored everything weird I wanted to cook but I found boring as shit.

Henrysmycat · 18/03/2020 04:42

The question is if he’s willing to compromise and try stuff or not.
My DH, grew up with bland terrible food. On the second date, it came up in the conversation that he didn’t eat peppers, onions, pretty much any veggie or fruit, bar potatoes and peas.
I come from Italian/Greek stock, we live to cook and eat, in a sense. So, in the 4-5th date, I cooked for him, everything he said he wasn’t eating. If he was unwilling and stuck, I knew it wouldn’t work between us.
I made, Greek salad, aubergines parmigiana, courgette fritters with tzatziki, a vegetable feast followed by baked quince pudding.
He was polite and tried everything.
Fast forward to 25 years later, he eats everything. He just never knew, you don’t eat onions and courgettes raw and unwashed like they are an apple.
There are a few things he doesn’t like Korean kimchi or mussels but that’s it.
Maybe, your date OP, never learnt anything different.

EL8888 · 18/03/2020 08:57

It would be a deal breaker for me. I can’t stand fussy eaters, l also wouldn’t want to make 2 meals for ever and l wouldn’t want to eat bland forever either

Being brutal but one thing about the Coronavirus is it will hopefully stop fussy eaters from being so fussy! My fiancé’s ex-flstnate is unlikely to be able to source chicken dippers every day of it

lubeybooby · 18/03/2020 08:59

it would deal break for me. DP and I are both foodies and I put love into my cooking and adore good restaurants... and there's nothing better than sharing all of that with him.

thepeopleversuswork · 18/03/2020 09:18

It depends on your priorities and if its important to you its fair enough. I don't think its a ridiculous reason to write something off if its a big part of your life.

Personally it wouldn't be so much that he wasn't a foodie, it would just be the lack of adventure and willingness to try something new which would do it for me.

If he hasn't been brought up with it it would be unfair to blame him for not having a very sophisticated knowledge of food.

But if he had a blanket ban on trying anything new it would suggest he was a bit dim and conservative, neither of which are good qualities. Is he even willing to try?

Bluntness100 · 18/03/2020 09:23

It would also be a deal breaker for me. Someone unwilling to try new things, new foods, new restaurants, to always either eat what they are eating at home or to cook two meals, to impact on kids and their eating habits.

In the short term no issue, but long term this would be something that would royally piss me off.

thepeopleversuswork · 18/03/2020 09:30

Bluntness this. My ex always refused to go to restaurants on the grounds that he could always cook every dish better himself at home. This was actually true in a lot of cases as he was a very good cook but it completely missed the point of eating out. I couldn't get past that.

Rainbowqueeen · 18/03/2020 09:42

I think it’s less of an issue when you live separately and date. When you live together, start a family and meals out are less common it becomes difficult. And if the types of meals he likes are not healthy and he won’t eat anything else so you are worried about his health and whether he will live to see his kids grow up it’s an even bigger deal
I’d go ona few dates that have food as a major component to assess exactly how big a problem it really is.

burnoutbabe · 18/03/2020 09:53

i don't like eating particularly tons of different food.

but i am happy to have a boring chicken dish whilst my other half has something weird (ie aligator in florida). As long as the restuarant has one boring dish i can eat, its fine. (its mostly big steak places, as i don't eat steak or fish and often they don't do anything else)

goldpartyhat · 18/03/2020 10:11

Why do you feel the need to control what someone else eats? Food does not form such a large part of most people lives, and certainly not enough to base a relationship on. Maybe you should find other ways of enjoying socialising.

Saying that I'm not a foodie myself and hate cooking, so maybe I don't understand the issue

redwoodmazza · 18/03/2020 11:33

I HATE spices and would never choose to eat in an Indian restaurant - much to the dismay of my DH who loves all things hot. I really can't even stand the smell. I absolutely LOVE garlic though.
I am also a foodie but it's very difficult when eating out as so many things have a bit of mustard, chilli etc etc to 'spice' it up. I don't like mayonnaise either which is a problem - coleslaw or anything is not for me. Not even coriander.
I get quite a phobia of appearing to be 'precious' but I would much rather be able to order a whole dish I can eat than to ask a restaurant to serve me something without A, B and C.... It does limit my choices.
And it's amazing how many things have a 'touch of chilli oil' WITHOUT this being mentioned on the menu at all. Grrrrr.
I had hoped to have some wonderful spicy cravings when I was pregnant - sadly not to be.
Very recently we found a Nepalese restaurant near to our son's new flat that serves some wonderful flavoursome dished - WITHOUT spice!!! They serve traditional spiced nepalese dishes too so this is a win win for us at the moment. I just hope they manage to keep viable in this current climate...

Fluffybutter · 18/03/2020 12:09

My dh and I are foodies , we would struggle if one of us was a fussy eater as we love dining our and cooking new things at home and watching food programmes

Itsallgonewoowoo · 18/03/2020 12:44

My DH was like this. It wasnt a meal unless it was meat, potatoes and carrots. He also ate tinned tom soup and baked beans. He tried cooking for me early on, urgh, boiled mince in a jar of Dolmeo. 20 years and 3 kids I never cook like that, we are almost meat free and he only occasionally grabs himself a tin of beans if rushing. Turns out his mother is a truly awful cook which is why he just went for basic food. He didn't even know he liked anything else. Now he does!

TigerBilly · 18/03/2020 13:01

@Noconceptofnormal the tinned pies are handy when I can’t be bothered to cook, all I need to do is get the tin opener out and he is sorted. I don’t even take it out of the tin to put it on his plate. The stewed steak in a tin looks like dog food but it’s another of his favourites. It’s a treat for him Confused

Eckhart · 18/03/2020 13:12

@goldpartyhat It's not about controlling what somebody eats. If one of your favourite hobbies is experimenting with different foods/trying new foods/eating exotic foods, and every time you go out to eat, your partner insists on going to Spud-U-Like, you'll resent them eventually.

I think it works both ways too. I like plain food. If I was with someone who was constantly wanting to try new restaurants and exciting new foods, I wouldn't enjoy it very much.

Reinga · 18/03/2020 13:18

My DP and I have a similar dynamic.
He is very averse to new foods, sauces and even pasta but this is due to his Aspergers.
He has slowly expanded his list of acceptable foods in the years we've been together and has tried things I never thought he would.
I'm very food oriented and love cooking so I inflict my recipes on my colleagues , family and friends instead of DP Grin

PeterPanGoesWrong · 18/03/2020 13:23

If he’s a nice guy, rise to the challenge. Make him see food in a different way, your way.
Educate him on the difference between shiitake mushrooms oyster mushrooms and truffles.
Introduce him to the delights of wild boar sausages or wild venison casseroled in a really nice red wine.

Your challenge, should you accept it, is to make a gastronome from this man.