completely unfair?

[cherrylovex3]

hi all,

so I have a 16 week old baby with my partner. she is great except like most baby doesnt like to sleep when I do lol!

I stay at home with her during the week. my partner works, which is fair enough. however because he works I don't wake him up at all during the night so he is always sleeping at least 10 - 6. the only time I would like help in regards to sleep is on the weekends so I can try and catch up a bit even if it's only an extra hour or two in the mornings

except this is rarely happening. friday he went to bed just gone 9 and I then woke him at 7 (after being woken myself at 2am, 4am and then again at 5am and baby not wanting to be put down after that) and he grumbled about it. did eventually get up but "I'm going to have to go back to bed for a few hours a bit later" he then started an argument with me half an hour later so I never got any extra then anyway.

now today - similar bed time for him and similar wake up time for my baby and he just wont get up even though he knows I've been awake since 5am.

I feel like I am very fair to him with not waking him for help at all during the night but should he not have to help at all with mornings either because he works :S

that is how I'm being made to feel right now.

I actually think (although love spending time with my baby) that I would prefer sometimes to do an 8/9 hour sleep and work, then getting 6 hours very broken sleep and try look after bubs all day.

shes also a pretty bad day sleeper, it's like she knows this is the fun time so very hard to catch up when she sleeps during the day too otherwise I would take full advantage of this.

:(

As he can’t manage the baby for a few hours because it’s such hard work he’ll understand why no housework or cooking or shopping is done and be happy to do half of it so you can sleep when you’d usually be doing all of that.

I hope you do have the talk with him. He's not pulling his weight in the home at all.

For example both my DH and his brother with his family get up a little early with the kids and do breakfast every morning letting us mums get a lie in before they go to work.

DH also gives a bottle before bed and took over bedtime routine from about 6m - I also predominantly bf.

We then each have a lie in day at the weekend where we're allowed to sleep uninterrupted for as long as possible - as much is possible with children in the house!

Tbh at this stage babies are pretty easy, if your dd has been fed she'll either want to play or be held/rocked. He needs to pick up the slack now or he'll be useless when they require more effort to entertain.

My situation was very similar to yours so your not alone at all.
DH with busy job, a 40 min commute to work so had to get some sleep to drive. Fair enough. But the weekends I still did most of the work day and night. Even if he did the night would wake me up to get help. We also bickered "you had x hours off yesterday" etc I honestly would prefer going work work!
After 6 months I sat him down for a calm chat and basically said I'm sick of the flighting, can't continue like this for the next 6 months of Mat leave and I'm at breaking point with sleep deprivation. I also said if he didn't start doing more I'm going off with the DD to family home. But I didn't really want to go and her be away from her dad.
After that thinks have got so much better, we are both more understanding of each other needs. I also left DD for 2 nights away so he had to get on with it and learn what to do.
Express how you feel, sleep deprivation really messes with your brain (I used to forget which way I had to give way to at roundabouts!!!).

i got sick of this shit in my teens,watching my mother churn out babies like they were going out of fashion and my dad doing bugger all.
i promised myself that it would NEVER be like that for me and i had my riot-act ready to read to any guy who fell into that pattern.

Thankfully,i have no desire for children so never had any

I don't get why women pussyfoot around men like this.
I'd go nuclear after he ignored the first conversation.
OP....how about from tonight onwards, you wake HIM up every time YOU wake up?
Tough shit if he's got work...so have YOU, you're 'on shift' looking after your baby and therefore actually 'working' longer hours than him and on less sleep....and for you lack of sleep is a lot more bloody dangerous than him.
Let him FEEL the reality of life for you right now.....and don't do fuck all for him round the house/cooking.
When he comes in from work, HE can use his brain cells and start doing stuff.

Men are not automatically like this.... they've been socialized and conditioned to regard and delegate dc/housework related stuff as being women's work.

Your softly softly, pleading approach is shite.
Of course he's going to ignore you.
Go nuclear on him. THAT will get better results.

Personally, i'd get rid of him.
No way would i want a 'dad' around who couldn't be arsed comforting his grizzy child, changing nappies, figuring out for himself to do more round the house or let me get more sleep.

i used to think this kind of sexist, chauvinistic shit was only common in my asian and other patriarchal/small minded cultures......apparently not.

It appears that even the so-called civilised, open minded and 'western' cultures are full of this shit too - and in 2020!