AIBU to want bf to (almost) drop everything to comfort me?!!

[josieie]

Newish relationship, been going so well so far and feel a comfort that I've not felt in relationships before, have a lovely generous caring bf (or so I thought) even if he's not the most emotionally expressive.

But I've been really stressed recently with some important professional exams (and related decisions) and it's the last few days before I sit them. Haven't been able to spend a huge amount of time with bf as he works really late and the last time I saw him he had people over spontaneously who he hadn't seen in a while. So naturally I've been craving comfort from him.

Tonight he had plans which he did invite me to but I didn't fancy socialising much today. I've felt really down and distressed today and I told him so. BF asked if I wanted to meet after his plans tonight, around midnight, which i said might be difficult and I wanted him to honour his plans so we/he decided tomorrow might be better. I'm trying to be reasonable regarding his already set plans but really, I want him to drop everything and come and hug me.

Started feeling anxious later and msged to ask if he'd come and stay over at mine instead after he'd finished. He said he'd try but didn't know when things would finish. AIBU to want to scream at him and ask if he really even cares about me when he'd let me feel this distressed and not even try when I've LITERALLY got days left??!!!''

Of course I want him to have fun and de-stress and I'm TRYING to be reasonable but it feels like a kick in the teeth and like I can't rely on him when I need it the MOST. I just want him to care about me, feel like my feelings only matter after all the fun has been had... makes me wonder if I've picked a wrong'un again

YANBU.
I can understand wanting your boyfriend to comfort you.

You did come accross as needy and a little immature, but at least you apologised.
If you start behaving like that then i think he might start to run for the hills.
Good luck in your exams, and trying find a coping strategy

Exams are forever.
Your newish boyfriend may not last the year.

I remember how stressful exams were but focus on what matters...

Exam results* 🤦‍♀️

You need to figure out how to comfort yourself really, you can’t rely on another person. He will end up resenting you and feeling suffocated if you continue expecting this. He is allowed to have a life outside of you, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

“Craving comfort”?

Honestly if I were him I’d be running for the hills. You sound incredibly immature and hard work.

you sound like a toddler. poor man

Crikey, you sound very intense OP.

If the BF was on here asking for advice on how to deal with you I'd be saying find a new GF.

Needy as fuck. Calm down, dear.

Best thing you can do is prepare, prepare prepare. Get some of your favourite treats in and take care of yourself. You don't need anyone to get you through this, you can get through this by your hard work!

I wanted him to honour his plans so we/he decided tomorrow might be better.

You wanted to get brownie points for being the kind of person who wants someone to honour their plans, while actually being the kind of person who doesn’t want that at all.

It’s inauthentic and sort of dishonest, and completely unfair on him.

Well done on taking on board the replies you have received. Shame other people don’t bother to read updates before piling in.

Good luck with your exams.

You are letting the stress about your exams affect your relationship. Give the poor guy a break, he hasn't done anything wrong.
Good luck with the exams and hopefully when they're all over and you're sane again he will forget these few days and all your craziness!

@unacorda

I started a thread recently about someone I was dating who always wanted cuddles. It was a complete turn-off.

I think you mean "cuggles"

Ick.

You need to develop some self reliance. There will be many times in your life when things go wrong, sometimes horribly so, you just have to learn to take a measured logical approach to things and realise that there's not always some kind of parent figure to pat you on the head and say 'there, there, everything's alright'. Be strong and pat yourself on the head (figuratively speaking!). If you ever have children, (assuming you havent, sorry) they will look to you for reassurance, you won't be able to give it if you need constant reassurance yourself, and a needy middle aged adult is quite a sad sight, and also a pain to be with. (Thinking here of an ex middle aged friend who would burst into tears and emote over the slightest of things. It was all about her all the time, and she was hard work.)
Good luck with everything.

Are you due on?

Being needy and clingy, especially when stressed, is something a lot of people have just before their period.

I definitely only ever go a bit batshit the day before, at any rate.

I’d be telling my son to run for the hills if it were him.

Perhaps you need to be single for a while and work on being alone so that any relationship going forward is more healthy. Being so dependent in a new relationship won’t end well.

Use this time to focus on final preparation for your exams if there’s only 2 days left. That’s all that matters right now. You can plan something with your boyfriend when they’re over. And step back from your phone!

YAB SO U.

"When I need him the MOST" is reserved for when people are dying, not bloody exam stress.

Its your job to work on your anxiety, not his job to save you.

It’s unhealthy to exclusively depend on a partner’s support to manage your anxiety. Sadly, that’s your responsibility, not his. He isn’t a medical professional so it’s unfair to rest that burden on his shoulders. I mean, as we can see here - it will make you feel worse when he doesn’t react as you expect him to.

@josieie Blimey how old are you? You sound like VERY hard work!

Wow YABU. You sound a bit scary tbh.

Wow people are being really harsh and rude. You do sound a bit needy but we're all needy at times. Sometimes you just need a bit of love and comfort at home when things are stressful I get that. Maybe your bf doesn't get how you're feeling.

This could be because you're dramatic a lit of the time so he doesn't know what is actually important or it could be you didn't communicate it or that he just didn't get it.

One thing to ask yourself is why you're so stressed about exams. Obviously they're important but maybe reflecting on how you cope with this kind of expected stress is important? Good luck with your exams op x

makes me wonder if I've picked a wrong'un again

I bet that’s just what your boyfriend is thinking too. Wow, you seem like hard work. Have you always been this needy, clingy and suffocating? Your attitude is not normal in a healthy relationship, it’s suffocating. No doubt you will drive your boyfriend away, then once he’s run for the hills you can moan about just how inadequate he was.

Have any of you read the OP's updates?

She's got the message, she knows she's been over the top and she's messaged him apologising.

What else would you like her to do?