AIBU to want bf to (almost) drop everything to comfort me?!!

[josieie]

Newish relationship, been going so well so far and feel a comfort that I've not felt in relationships before, have a lovely generous caring bf (or so I thought) even if he's not the most emotionally expressive.

But I've been really stressed recently with some important professional exams (and related decisions) and it's the last few days before I sit them. Haven't been able to spend a huge amount of time with bf as he works really late and the last time I saw him he had people over spontaneously who he hadn't seen in a while. So naturally I've been craving comfort from him.

Tonight he had plans which he did invite me to but I didn't fancy socialising much today. I've felt really down and distressed today and I told him so. BF asked if I wanted to meet after his plans tonight, around midnight, which i said might be difficult and I wanted him to honour his plans so we/he decided tomorrow might be better. I'm trying to be reasonable regarding his already set plans but really, I want him to drop everything and come and hug me.

Started feeling anxious later and msged to ask if he'd come and stay over at mine instead after he'd finished. He said he'd try but didn't know when things would finish. AIBU to want to scream at him and ask if he really even cares about me when he'd let me feel this distressed and not even try when I've LITERALLY got days left??!!!''

Of course I want him to have fun and de-stress and I'm TRYING to be reasonable but it feels like a kick in the teeth and like I can't rely on him when I need it the MOST. I just want him to care about me, feel like my feelings only matter after all the fun has been had... makes me wonder if I've picked a wrong'un again

I'm really glad you've taken on board what people are saying. Hopefully a good nights sleep will help you feel better. Anxiety can be horrendous and unreasonable. Just try and make sure you're relying on yourself to get a handle on it.

It sounds like this is a recurring pattern in your relationships.
You might need some help in analysing why that is.

Men do not read subtle hints etc you have to spell it out for them 99% of the time. You need to say "I am feeling really down and your comfort and company would really help". You can't just tell him he's fine to go about his business and silently resent him, he isn't a mind reader.

Good Luck with your exams op 🍀

What you need is plenty of
Revision
Relaxation
Good food

You're a strong, capable woman, who may be craving a comforting cuddle, but if that's not forthcoming........ you can still do this!

@mrswednesday and others

thank you all for the well wishes

You sound really needy tbh. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged this and apologised to him but If it’s a recurring thing you really need to get it sorted out.
Good luck with ur exams

Sorry OP but you sound like super hard work - he invited you, you didn't want to go. He asked if you wanted to meet after, you said no. You wanted him to honour his plans but are now getting start because he did. Why have you 'literally only got days left? Do you have a terminal illness? If not, and this is about exam stress, you are being a massive drama queen.

was hoping nobody would tell to LTB (coz he really is lovely) 🤦‍♀️ might say it to him though....

Please work through your anxiety, your life will be a whole lot better if you don't rely on people mind reading to make you happy

*shitty not start!!

NRFT- you lost me at ' naturally needing comfort '.
From him, I suppose?

Get yourself a teddy bear.

Seriously.

A new relationship and you expect so much??

Jeepers

you sound hard work
Is it GCSE's that your getting stressed about. or the 11+?

you sound hard work
Is it GCSE's that your getting stressed about. or the 11+?

No, SATs

I echo what others have said but it sounds like you've given yourself a good talking to so no point in adding to it. I hope all goes well and that you do well in your exams.

Honestly, OP, grow up. Buy a stress toy. Think — ‘how would I have managed my own exam stress before this new relationship started?’ Then do that, and stop behaving as though your med school exams or whatever are a death sentence. Good luck.

If you carry on like this you’ll kill this (and any future relationship) stone dead!! Time to grow up, BIG TIME. This isn’t how adults behave.

He sounds lovely. If you really like him try to remember that he is entitled to have relaxation and a life of his own. You sound quite immature and I don’t mean that rudely. I’ve never had a successful relationship and I’m old now so it’s all in the past, but reading your post has made me reflect. I think I was sometimes too needy and demanding and it’s not fair on the other person. Try to honour him as much as yourself. Good luck with the exams.

. I just want him to care about me,

No you don't

What you want is to control him so that he shows you care and love when you want it and in the way you want it

That is coercive and very self absorbed

From your posts you sound very very young - late teens? ??

You need to find ways to care for and love yourself. Then another person's care for you is simply a lovely addition - not a desperate need to be fulfilled

OP ignore the shitty replies. You're stressed and you want your BF to be kind to you. That's ok. You might have gone a bit OTT - that's also ok. Good luck with the exams.

@fr0g - you just sound like an arsehole.

I'd be telling the guy to run.

If he was your husband then yes, you'd be right to expect him to drop things.

But you've said yourself this is a new relationship.

All you two owe each other is mutual fun times. Not big emotional support. That's for family/friends that are like family.

I would actually be the same- I like to be a priority 👍🏻
Unfortunately I think that makes us both unreasonable but hey ho!

YABVU and far too needy.

You’re a grown adult woman, you shouldn’t be depending on a partner and hoping he’ll drop everything to comfort you over some exams, especially so when you’ve not even been together that long.

You shouldn’t be in a relationship right now; you need to learn to control and manage your anxiety independently and not put such an emotional burden on someone else. He’s not a toy, he’s not a comforter, he’s an equal partner.

How long have you been in this relationship?

It’s good you’ve accepted your behaviour is —beyond— unreasonable. But the question I think is why didn’t you know that? That’s what you need to focus on. Why you behaved as you did, and why you didn’t understand it was not ok but for some reason thought he might be the “wrong un” not you.

Hi OP,
I hope you managed some sleep and are feeling better today.
You have received some extremely harsh comments here and you have taken them on board even though you suffer from anxiety.
Good luck with your exams. I hope you find ways to manage the stress in future, relaxation techniques, meditation, talking therapy, reflexology, aromatherapy, find things that work for you.
I hope your relationship works out.
Good luck.