I hate affection, is this weird as a mum

[Uedea]

Does anyone else have issues with dealing with emotions n affection. I get so frustrated when my husband or daughter are overly affectionate with me. This has defo heightened going into my 8th month of 2nd pregnancy. Ive always been awkard like that but recently i cant stand it and just feel angry about it. I feel like it kinda comes from my childhood but i dont know how to deal with it because my husband is constantly begging for it, and my 2.5 yr old is just like him in that way. Like i cant understand why its hard to understand i like my own space lol? Am i crazy

So despite the PPs saying you are normal and it won't affect your children at all because hey, there's somebody else there to compensate for what you refuse to give them, I disagree. It is neglectful. It is abusive. And it will have longlasting effects upon your children.

I wasn't hugged a ton or kissed. My parents and I never hug and kiss now, and it hasn't harmed me.

Your experience is not universal and neither is mine. OP has said she gives her kid affection, just not every single time she asks for it and she has a right to her own body not being commandeered for cuddles all hours of the day.

MitziK, your comment is incredibly cruel and fearmongering. Your experience was awful and you mention hitting as well and I'm sorry for that, but it's clearly not equal to OP's experience from things she's said in other posts and you're making a lot of baseless assumptions that husband/kid never get affection, that OP is cold and uncaring and that her children are at risk of being molested due to her wanting some time not being touched?? How fucking cruel.

No you are not crazy. You have the right to give and accept affection.

If you feel it maybe from your childhood; do you think it would be worth exploring? Not to please your husband but to help you understand or accept how you feel?

I'm very uncomfortable with affection. Affection was never a good experience for me growing up, I never had a choice/control over what was acceptable or unacceptable. So I understand why my own feelings regarding it. It hasn't changed my boundaries just helped me understand why I get freaked out but also that I have the right to feel the way I do.

It does make it easier to explain to my DH and stops him from taking it personal or risking rejection. However, I have worked really hard for my kids. I think kids need to feel loved, which involves the hugging and closeness of touch, again teaching them boundaries. I never force affection on them I.e. give granny a hug she WANTS one. With our wee system, we do cool hand movements etc. Just different ways that suit us but welcoming affection. If that makes... BUT you're crazy!!

Sorry you're NOT crazy!

@SoleBizzz they gave me a good laugh. Child protective services because a mum doesn’t kiss her child every night?

They have much bigger issues to worry about. What planet do you live on.

Could you be on the spectrum? I am and I struggle with tactile affection.

I sympathise with how you feel OP. I never hug or kiss my friends and even hugging my parents who I love, feels a bit alien to me. And after a few hours doing anything with my kids I feel like screaming can you just not touch me fir a second as they touch me all the time and not just in an affectionate way when they will sit on me, try and use my body to climb on, play with my hair etc etc and it's just aaarrggghhh

But where we differ is that with my kids and husband I love hugs. I guess it's hard for people to judge how 'normal' you are and the affect on your daughter without seeing the specifics. If you're just wanting some time in the day when you're not being touched that's normal. If she is hurt or upset and you are refusing to give her a hug or a kids to comfort her then that's probably an issue. I think you could benefit from talking to someone about it as you need some strategies to cope with this as your newborn will be on you all the time and this is likely to make your toddler more clingy. Also your husband is not getting the message, it sounds like the more he pushes, the more you pull away and you need help to find a compromise before it seriously affects your marriage

There are two separate issues here.

The first is that a small child actually does need quite a bit of affection, including physical affection. That doesn't mean you can never have your body to yourself, but it does mean she should not feel pushed away all the time.

The second is, your husband needs to learn to observe your boundaries.

Number 2 a is your husband may decide physical affection, like sex, is part of what he needs out of a relationship.

Number 2 b= this is where it would be good to come up with a compromise. Some physical affection, but you have a right to let him know when you feel overwhelmed and he has to respect that.

With the 2yo, however, I think they need to feel very secure (=getting their needs met) to cope well with being pushed away.