Three under five...am I mad?!

[helloskinnylove]

I have 2DSs, one almost 3, the other almost 1. I'm almost 37. I've always seen us having 3 kids and am really tempted to try for another. I feel under pressure timing wise because of my age, so am tempted to try sooner rather than later (although if I was younger I would probably wait another year or two).

So...has anyone done 3 under 5? Or even 3 under 4?!! How was it? I have a fairly responsible city job that I would like to keep (4 days a week), but we also have a nanny which helps a lot. I am scared that if I leave it much longer I'll have difficulty conceiving, but equally scared we won't be able to cope with 3 (although so far 2 hasn't been too bad!)

I ve got 2 with a 16 months age gap. They are now 5 and 3.5. There’s no way on earth I would go again, but that’s just me....

Good luck with whatever you decide.

@speminalium I'm sorry to hear you had PND, I have a friend who had it too and it so utterly awful. I'm glad you've found a balance now that works though.

Luckily my DH is very helpful, he does every other bedtime and his fair share of house stuff on the weekend. That said, he earns more than me and so although I have a very good salary, if one us ever had to quit or take a step back at work, I think it would have to be me. So that is a consideration. But I find now with 2 DC that I am less ambitous, I still want to work, but I'm less fussed about promotion than I used to be, I just want a balance now

Three when the eldest was 3 years and 6 weeks old plus an older one of 8.5 years.

Busy but fun.

Thank you for all your replies. I think we are going to mull it over for another few months and then if we still feel the same way I think we may go for it. You never really know what life will bring, but I guess you have to go with your gut and make the best of it either way

3 under 2 here. (Twins). Have ‘em as close as you can Is my advice!

My sister had three under four and handled it well - although to me it seemed a total shit show! Different strokes...

If you're not the type to lose your marbles easily with chaos, noise and mess then go for it. If you value your own space and occasional peace stick with two!

I had 3 under 3 and a 5 and a half year old.
All grown up now. Hard work but so worth it.

I had 3 under 1.5, they’re currently 3 under 3, would bloody love a nanny, crack in I say!

I had 3 under 4, now ages 9, 7 and 5. Found the baby days easy if I'm honest ( even moved house when youngest was born). Actually gets harder as they get older - and definitely hard juggling work, home and kids admin. And they all want attention AT THE SAME TIME! Takes its toll as a couple too so strong foundations help. But I absolutely love it, our house is noisy, chaotic but lots of fun (never a quiet moment - if there is I start to worry!) and the ages mine are at the moment is brilliant. I do look forward to a quiet, tidy house one day though...

I had 3 under 5 and really enjoyed it

My friend has 4 under 5. She's a stay at home mum and homeschools her kids. She seems to manage, personally I have a 3yr old and 3 month and I feel like I'm drowning so would never have another child until the boys have grown up and not so dependant on me. She has a 5yr old, 4yr old, 2yr old and 11 month old.

If I was your nanny I'd quit tbh.

I found going from 2 to 3 really hard. But my kids were 10 and almost 9 when the little one was born.

I have 4 under 5. Dc's are 5yrs, 4 yrs, 2 yrs and 11 months. it's hardwork, tiring however it is also a lot of fun, and I am very glad they are close in age with no bigger gaps.

I had 3 under 5. I found the hardest part was having a newborn and having to do the school run/playgroup run in the mornings after about 2 hours sleep . It got better by the time that my youngest was 6 months and sleeping reliably well at night, but those early months were so so hard. And the washing was horrific.

That said, we all survived it and it's nice that they are all close now as young adults.

I had three under five. Youngest two had only 17 months between them. I actually quite enjoyed it :) they are all older now, youngest is 6. Now it’s hard work 😂😂

Go for it OP. When mine were 3 and 1 I thought I'd wait a bit longer. I had always wanted 3 and it is one my biggest regrets not having a third.

I went back to my City job and the children became easier to manage. Don't get me wrong the first few years were intense. But then gradually I found myself enjoying the work life balance especially when I went back to work. And then...the moment just went. I can't explain it. I feel this urge to have another even now but DC they are niwt 6 and 4 and work is going so well I can't justify it. And the age gap would be too big between the oldest and youngest.

Do it OP. If you want 3 and can manage 2 then accept it will be hard for a short while but have that 3rd baby. If your feeling is strong it might not go away and like me you may carry a strange sadness for a long time. I even secretly cry every now and then and I just can't share that feeling with anyone. People think I should be grateful for 2 healthy happy children and I truly am but still there is always a feeling of something missing.

The hardest years and most expensive times are 13-30+ Sometimes there’s an emotional toll, as well as the joys of course.

4 under 4 here (twins in the mix). Hard but wouldn't change it for the world.

It’s interesting to see all of the comments. We’re also undecided about baby number 3. My dh would happily stop now (we have 2 ds’) but I feel like I have one more pregnancy in me - I just don’t feel done like you Op. We had exactly 2 years between ds1 and ds2 but am thinking about a 3/3.5 year gap this time round so that ds1 is in reception and ds2 is more independent.

Even if it is mad it will only be for a few years, once school and nursery starts it will settle again. Go for it.

A child I was working with when he was 2, had triplet brothers born when he was 8 months old, they were obviously early, so him mum had 4 under 1 years old.
They are all very healthy teens now.

I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 9 month old - 2x20 month gaps.

The older two DOTE on the baby. I have no concerns at all about that relationship dynamic for now.

But my 4yo DD and 2 yo DS squabble LOTS and it sucks my time. They are in childcare 3 days a week and it’s a relief if I’m honest.

The very best advice I could give is hold off until you get the oldest in school, or plan #3 to arrive a couple of months before #1 starts school.

We sound as if we have very similar lifestyles OP plus my children are little angels - until the older two turn on one another and that’s becoming repeatedly draining.

Hold off a little bit if you want to be able to feel as if you’re in greater control of sharing your time out in the early months/years.

Plus it takes pressure off the nanny too and makes you a more attractive family to work for

There are a few practicalities changing from 2 to 3 which crop up. I have three and some of these subtle things irritate. I'm not knocking three, I love them but if you want to balance desire and practicality they may be something to consider.

Car seats are a bit of a challenge when you need three across a back seat. You can get ones that physically fit, but its a juggle to get them in.

Flights as more than one child per adult can be a bit more of an ordeal. Carrying luggage an adult can manage two bags or a bag and a child but one adult needs 2 children, the other 1 and that leaves one free hand for the families luggage.

Hotel rooms, cruise cabins, free child places all tend to be based on families of 4. We went on a couple of family cruises with wider family but needed two cabins as we are a family of five. First two places full price then 3rd and 4th in cabin almost free. It ment we essentially paid double the price to have our then toddler DD with us.

Likewise hotel rooms. Its not just the cost, its the convenience. Great if you can get interconecting rooms, okay if you can get side by side rooms but if you have to get two rooms with one adult staying in each it can detract from adult time. We find that larger family rooms tend to be located in one area of a hotel so the 3 person family room can be on a different level to the 2 person room - sometimes meaning we need to pay for 2 family rooms and request proximity to holiday together.

For complex additional need reasons I've had spells of three children at three schools, it's logistically hard work. With three, as they grow you're mum and dad taxi. If you produce little socialites you may sacrifice every evening to the logistics task of three sets of different drop offs and pick ups at clubs.

None of the above are essential. You don't need to use a car often, go on holiday, let your children explore lots of different/ individual after school pursuits. Compromise is a great life learning tool and with three, it's one that mine are mastering.