Three under five...am I mad?!

[helloskinnylove]

I have 2DSs, one almost 3, the other almost 1. I'm almost 37. I've always seen us having 3 kids and am really tempted to try for another. I feel under pressure timing wise because of my age, so am tempted to try sooner rather than later (although if I was younger I would probably wait another year or two).

So...has anyone done 3 under 5? Or even 3 under 4?!! How was it? I have a fairly responsible city job that I would like to keep (4 days a week), but we also have a nanny which helps a lot. I am scared that if I leave it much longer I'll have difficulty conceiving, but equally scared we won't be able to cope with 3 (although so far 2 hasn't been too bad!)

As a third child I was loved as much as any of my siblings and had a happy childhood but that doesn't necessarily equate to adequate parental attention. Also siblings are not necessarily friends. I don't mean to be negative. I love my brother and sister. My personal opinion having been one of those children would be to wait and have a slightly bigger age gap.

I imagine if you have a nanny 3 under 4 would have the same impact as 13 under 4 or 1 under 4 to you.

I think if you want to have another then go ahead! I do think though that ATM everything is running smoothly ,and thats good obv. But no one can foresee how 3 will work until they are here really! Good luck anyway xx

I'm 6 months into two under 3.
It's HARD. Relentless.
Today has been especially awful.

My brain is fried. I'm always thinking about them, both of them, two sets of needs, milestones, health, food ideas, weaning...etc. Then there's the rest of life, career, DH, social, family. It doesn't all fit in and stuff is slipping.

It all depends on your mental load, even if I was fortunate enough to have a nanny, I still wouldn't be able to switch off so it wouldn't make a difference to me.

I couldn't add another.

I've got three under five just now. I had them at 35, 36 and 39, the youngest us 4 months nearly.

It's lovely. We ummed and ahhhd about the third for ages (hence the bigger gap between DC2 and DC3) but it was absolutely the right decision for us.

The third pregnancy was hard through, I was exhausted and just wanted it over with. Life is chaotic but I'm enjoying it and I feel really 'complete' now, whereas before I always had this nagging feeling that I wanted another.

There is lots of laundry and your house will never be tidy again though!

Relentless - that's the word.

3 under 4 here. I remember it being relentless but so joyful. It’s hard work but doable. Go for it if it’s what you both want l!

I left my DH a year after I had the youngest and was back at work full time (city based corporate sector so the pay was good but the hours and pressure were tough). My god, those were tough times mentally and physically.

Not the youngest is 10 it has got easier as they are so much more independent.

I’d do it all again in a heartbeat 💗

Yep, 3 under 5 when i was mid 20s.

Routine routine routine.
It's fine :)

my oldest was 3.5 when y youngest born. Middle was 21 months. Toughest year of my life but youngest was in and out of hospital which added to the stress as I felt I was abandoning 2 other babies whilst focused on her. Just about survived that year and then oldest started school and things got a little easier year by year. 17/15/13 now so we survived. No nanny and no car .

@vbdfamily that sounds tough, I hope she's doing well now.

@sandleman, well done you! I'm glad you'd do it all again, you're clearly made of strong stuff

@mistermagpie, we'd be very similar timing wise then. I did find second pregnancy harder than first (I found first a walk in the park but was pretty sick with second), so that is a factor. But I guess it's a short term factor. I get what you mean about umming and ahhing, I felt like I needed a second DC, but a third seems like a luxury, but a very nice one at that, rather than something we need, which makes it a far tougher decision.

Having a nanny definitely makes it easier, but it's still a juggle with work - she finishes at 5 as we both flex our hours to be home alternate evenings which I love. She's also temporary - once they are all in school, we won't have a nanny anymore, so we need to make sure we can manage the juggle long term.

Ive a friend with four under four (for one week under three) no twins etc. She says its busy but amazing to see the bond with the children. She two bed house too

One of my best friends had twins when her eldest was just 10 months old. So 3 under 1! She coped just fine. Suppose you have to really.

Yes.

@anothernewyear, wow that is impressive!! I guess you just get on with it!

I imagine if you have a nanny 3 under 4 would have the same impact as 13 under 4 or 1 under 4 to you

What a ridiculous comment

I do think about the impact on my 2 DC - less attention, less finances. But we can afford it and it would be another friend for them, more family to help them later on etc. I think I've always looked at families of 3 or more and liked the dynamic. I only had one brother myself and would have liked a bigger gang as it were.

I am from a family of three and HATE the dynamic.

I wish to god my mum had stopped after two.

My sisters are neither my friends nor any help to me whatsoever, and we are certainly not 'a gang' in any sense of the word.

You're only looking at this from your own point of view. Not your children's.

@scarlett I'm sorry to hear that, I guess we all have an ideal picture of how things will turn out, and it doesn't always happen that way unfortunately.

I know someone who had 3 under 1! A singleton and then twins born a bit early. She coped amazingly, had another set of twins 5yrs or so later. Not a nanny in sight, just a super mum I think

Yes! Two is more than enough for anyone. Have you seen the state of the world!?

Impressive!! This is all making me feel it is doable!!

I am pregnant with number three, when they arrive older will be 5 and 3. Something I had not banked on was how terrible the first trimester would be. My first two were relatively ok but this time has been horrendous. It would be good to have plans in place for what might happen if you are very poorly this time round. My DH picked up a LOT of slack!

We've got 4, with age gaps 2,3 then 4 years. Professional job in the City suddenly became too much for me 2 years after #3. Failing the employer and my family simultaneously, pulled in so many directions. Plus PND messed me up big time. As they get bigger the requirements re education increase. If the Nanny will be up for teaching times tables, reading daily, doing violin practice, going to assembly etc etc and you're happy for that to happen, you'll be fine. I miss the City sometimes, but it's a relief not to be under such immense pressure any more. Consider how much you can delegate laundry too, that's a killer! Good luck, 3 is just lovely, a proper little team and such fun. 4, even more so but completely bonkers!

Should add depends v much on whether your other half is prepared to help facilitate your career. Mine, lovely as his is, spent much of his time overseas and was totally unable to help with pick ups/sick kids/assembly time stuff.

I had 3 under 3 it was hectic but so worth the close bond they all have and with them all growing up at around the same age they’re all interested in the same kind of thing so makes trips out/play groups etc fun for all of them

I also think the need to have more should be thought of. Not just for the environmental impact but the existing children.

The more children the less money / time / space to go round and they often end up missing out on clubs etc. There’s also the financial aspect should something happen in future, not all relationships last etc.

Having grown up in a large family it’s not something I would ever recreate.