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Original poster

Was this joke unreasonable?

97 replies

ToomorrowToomorrow · 14/03/2020 12:39

Boyfriend loves his night out which is fine, but every other week he complains on the Sunday about how his body is aching and he feels rubbish and alochol is making his body feel awful and ill, so he's never drinking again (i know everyone says this),
So last week was the same story, i was staying at his house on the sunday (we dont live together, still live with parents, im 25 but ive just finished uni and started a job so cant afford to move out right now), and he was hungover, complaining abiut the same thing, and that he's never drinking again. So i said he's like the boy who cried wolf and he'll probably be out next weekend.
Anyway next weekend has come and he's going out so he rang me last night to tell me. I joked that I knew it, he is literally the boy who cried wolf and I guess i'll be listening to it all over again on sunday so here we go again and then we said our goodbyes and i hung up.
He then messaged saying he feels really upset because he thinks i feel he's an alcoholic (i rarely go out but i dont mind that he enjoys it, each to their own), and that he only wants to go out incase the pubs close soon because of the virus.
I rang him back and apologised saying i didnt mean to upset him and i wont joke about it again, but i feel rubbish now, i hate upsetting him

OP posts:
Original poster
ToomorrowToomorrow · 14/03/2020 16:03

@ThisSistineWontScreamAtItself that gave me a laugh on a day when i'm feeling so anxious hahaha, I love that interpretation of "small things are great!" Grin
He's always been a bad messenger but i can accept that but he always sends at least one message but it feels he's got worse lately.
What do i do if i dont hear off him at all tonight? Do i just not do anything?
Keep me sane Blush

OP posts:
monkeymonkey2010 · 14/03/2020 16:06

if he's going to keep drinking then complaining when it's self-inflicted then it's getting a bit tedious

You do realise that you have every right to tell him this exactly?.....and NOT apologise because he doesn't want to hear it?

He's training you to take on the mummy/rescuing role with him.
He wants you to put up with his antics and earache - and then shut up mentioning how annoying and disrespectful he is of YOU.

As you can clearly see now, drinking/getting blind drunk is far more important to him than you or your relationship.
He seems to want you on his terms only.
Now you're getting the silent treatment because you dared step outside of your box and make your feelings known.

I'd ignore him.....and ignore his texts/phone calls when he eventually does get in contact..... then dump him.
He isn't worth your time and energy.

GrannyBags · 14/03/2020 16:08

Can you call one or more girl friends and get dressed up and go out? Not to get bladdered or find another man or anything but just to feel good about being you. Or have a girls night in or something?

monkeymonkey2010 · 14/03/2020 16:09

What do i do if i dont hear off him at all tonight? Do i just not do anything?
You make your own plans and do your own thing.....and decide what your boundaries are and what standards you expect from a relationship/man.

1forAll74 · 14/03/2020 16:09

You can't control him of course, and he cannot control himself either, and you are always being too nice with him, so don't know where you can go with this..

Runbikeswim · 14/03/2020 16:11

I really think you should consider ending it with him.
He is not going to make you happy - he is too immature.

Chickychoccyegg · 14/03/2020 16:33

Do not message him, he's trying to punish you for your joke, he sounds very immature, make plans, and dont be available for him when he can be bothered getting in touch, also have a serious think if you want to stay with this idiot or not.

Sn0tnose · 14/03/2020 16:38

I have known so many dickheads like this. For the love of God, if you don’t want to leave him, at least don’t move in with him, have children with him or tie yourself to him financially.

he's told his friends that this is the last time and can they stop pressurising him to go out from next week. He’s not a twelve year old being subjected to peer pressure. He’s a grown adult who is acting like a twelve year old by telling you that his friends make him go out so you’ll be annoyed with them, not him. He’s placing you in the ‘mum’ role where you’ll be annoyed but then make a fuss of him when he’s hungover. And I’d be willing to bet a 9 pack of loo rolls that he complains about you while they’re out, while they ‘joke’ about thumb prints on his head.

The silent treatment you’re currently getting is his way of putting you in your place so you don’t question him again. If you react to it by chasing after him for contact, he’ll make you grovel and really work for him to be nice to you again, and the lesson you’ll learn from that is not to criticise him again. What he’s doing is manipulative.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 14/03/2020 16:46

Op, nicely as possible here.

You like being in, he's out doing god knows with God knows who.
You make a comment that 99.9% of people would laugh off or not comment on at all, this douche gets wounded and doesn't message you.. punishes you with silence for an innocent remark..
You're apologetic, nice, don't want to upset him.. he doesn't give a shit if you're upset or he'd text and ask...

You're young, you're obviously intelligent, so repeat to yourself..
"I deserve better than a drunkard sensitive snowflake that cracks easily to peer pressure."

Go find a guy that would rather be sat watching a dog show with you than pissing money up the wall.. 👍

forrestgreen · 14/03/2020 17:22

Does he still live with his parents. If he generally saving hard to move out and adult?

I wouldn't be spending any time with him on the day after his benders. Why would you want to spend a valuable day listening to him whine about him 'aching'

I wouldn't make any more jokes, just say it's up to you how you spend your time and money but I don't see a future with someone who does that. And say I didn't mention alcoholic, that's you projecting.

Original poster
ToomorrowToomorrow · 14/03/2020 19:45

Well i caved in and said "not hard to reply" (i know i shouldnt have!!)
He responded straight away saying "sorry babe had a busy day in work" "you ok? Xxxx"
I responded saying i wasnt happy and explained why,
He said he doesnt get why im saying this and that he doesnt get why ive brought it up when i know hes drinking so we can speak about it tomorrow,

So he has time to get ready for a drink but not respond Hmm

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/03/2020 19:51

He cant have "1 or 2", he always (not exaggorating) gets.so drunk to the point he cant remember a thing and it will be the same tonight

Where do you think this will end, OP? Re-read this and think about it. What would be your future if you were living with him?

Think about the money he'd spend. Think about having children with him and him spending so much on alcohol that you can't buy them shoes. Think about all spare money being directed to him and his drinking. And think about the loneliness of living with him. All those evenings on your own, the days where you're mopping up sick or where he's peed all over the bed and you have to wash the sheets in the middle of the night.

Then dump him and find someone as lovely as you.

Original poster
ToomorrowToomorrow · 14/03/2020 19:55

His job allows him to make good money which is why he feels okay about spending on alcohol Confused
But either way, i agree @HollowTalk, it feels we both want different things, but it's just so hard when you love someone to even think about not being with them Confused

OP posts:
monkeymonkey2010 · 14/03/2020 20:10

So he has time to get ready for a drink but not respond
Tells you everything doesn't it?

Original poster
ToomorrowToomorrow · 14/03/2020 20:14

Really does. His last message was "yes i 100% agree with you babe :)"
I havent responded as before that he was saying i was stopping him seeing his friends so think he just said it to shut me up.
He's now on a night out and i cant be bothered.

OP posts:
Geepipe · 14/03/2020 20:19

Sorry op thats tough and ive been in similar with dps drinking habits. But you have to decide if you can cope with him going out without you every weekend and prioritising not just alcohol but his friends over you. Thats outrageous not to reply at all until.you call him out.

Original poster
ToomorrowToomorrow · 14/03/2020 20:21

@Geepipe thank you for your response, i'm just lucky we dont live together, i'm feeling really sad

OP posts:
SuburbanFraggle · 14/03/2020 20:23

Please listen to the advice here OP

DrManhattan · 14/03/2020 20:37

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

No one has got a gun at his head making him fill his body with ethanol.

Runbikeswim · 14/03/2020 20:37

If you find it hard to hold a boundary and contemplate ending a relationship perhaps google 'attachment styles'

Original poster
ToomorrowToomorrow · 14/03/2020 20:40

@Runbikeswim i find it very hard with boundaries. Even now im thinking "am i being too argumentative", "have i been going on and on and on too much", "should i just shut up", "i should shut up or he'll get sick of me"

OP posts:
ErickBroch · 14/03/2020 20:41

Nah - he is annoying anyway, his reaction to you was manipulative, and now he has sulked and ignored you until you caved and is acting like he wasn't doing it on purpose. Bad fucking news.

It is annoying and tedious when people do the same thing over and over then complain after, drink or not, it's boring and you don't want to keep hearing it. He sounds like a huge prick.

Darbs76 · 14/03/2020 20:44

He’s being an idiot. Does he really expect you to have sympathy every week when he’s saying the same things? Self inflicted - tell him to stop moaning and do something about it if he starts complaining tomorrow

picklemewalnuts · 14/03/2020 20:52

He suspects he has an alcohol problem, so he's attacking you for noticing.

Honestly, move on. Better to be alone that stuck with this one. Everything will always be your fault. You nagged him, you forgot to remind him, you upset him, annoyed him...

Get out while you can.

HotSauceCommittee · 14/03/2020 21:14

Stop being a mug and spending every Sunday with him while he's moaning about feeling shit. If he wants to drink and have a night out, he needs to make a proper effort for you. Why are you settling for scraps? There are better ways to spend you time other than jumping when he clicks his fingers. He just doesn't sound worth it.

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