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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd has been exposed to content that is not age appropriate

58 replies

PerfumeAddict · 14/03/2020 09:33

Dd is 7. She has a friend who she plays with at weekends and school holidays that lives on the same street as us. Dd friend is 8. They are in her house alot or outside as dh works from home at weekends so i dont allow them to play inside as they are too noisy despite me constantly telling them to be quiet.

During summer dh doesnt work as much from home so they are in ours then.

Over the last year dd has been having nightmares and night terrors, sometimes up to 4 a week. We have been to the GP who was asking me if i was 100% sure that dd hadnt been watching something at someone elses house that was not age appropriate.

Last night dd wanted me to download some games on her ipad so we went through them together. She was pointing out games her friend has on her ipad which they play on and when looking at these games they are 12+ rating. Dd could tell me exactly what you do on these games and its about shooting, running away from the police and being bad guys...

We did have an issue last year were dd was talking about a game she was playing there and i messaged mum asking what it was. Her mum replied that it was on their older childs ipad that they shouldnt of been on and she would have a word with her daughter. Dd is adamant it was not on her sisters ipad but it was on her friends.

How do i approach this? Dd has not had a nightmare or night terror for 2 weeks which is brilliant but she hasnt been on this childs ipad for over 2 weeks.

OP posts:

mauvaisereputation · 14/03/2020 09:38

I think tell the other girl’s mum she has been having night terrors relating to video game chases and asking her to make sure they don’t play on the iPad. Don’t mention that the games are age inappropriate as it will just get her back up.

Branleuse · 14/03/2020 09:39

This has happened to both of my kids and is really hard to avoid in the digital age. Sorry no real advice apart from allow her to talk it through

Fatted · 14/03/2020 09:41

Stop relying on these people to provide you with free childcare if you don't agree with their parenting methods.

HelloDulling · 14/03/2020 09:43

Her friend is allowed to watch/play those things. If you don’t want your DD to see them, you need to stop her going there; have the friend to yours instead, or take them somewhere if they can’t play quietly.

Chillicheese123 · 14/03/2020 09:44

I thought you were going to say someone has been showing your small child online pornography or something. 12+ games really are a bit unavoidable in this day and age and unless you monitor them constantly which is what should be done really but in reality is harder. Some kids won’t be bothered by it and literally just see it as a game. After all my dd watches Spider-Man, avengers etc and she knows it’s made up but some of her friends can’t cope with even the ‘very mild peril’ tag some films get. Probably the only way to do it is not let her over there to play or say when she is there no iPad or games online, don’t know how you’d police this though

puds11 · 14/03/2020 09:44

What @Fatted said. You know the problem, stop sending her over if the I pad is involved.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/03/2020 09:44

It is hard to avoid. What game was it, there is a great distance between Roblox or GTA. Those granny games are terrifying and nightmarish I think they're age 12.
Lots of 12 games are suitable for a little younger, obviously this one wasn't.
I hope your DD is okay.

Original poster

PerfumeAddict · 14/03/2020 09:50

Im not using them for free childcare!! I would much rather dd didnt go there but when her parents are messaging asking if dd can play at theres then what do you say?

If i say we are out or busy etc then they want to know what time she will be free.

I know this is common, i watched things that were not appropriate at around 9ish like The Full Monty and Kevin and Perry go large etc.

Im not being an arse for wanting to protect my daughter and i dont want to fall out with them at the same time

OP posts:

happinessischocolate · 14/03/2020 09:50

Have you tried telling your dd that these games are probably what is causing her nightmares and that she should stop playing them no matter who's iPad they are on.

My kids are late teens, but can't and never have been able to watch anything scary or horror stuff as it gives them nightmares, so they avoid them, even if it's what their friends are watching.

DillyDilly · 14/03/2020 09:50

Your DD should be able to relax and have fun in her own house at the weekends, maybe your DH could find somewhere else to work from.

What investigations did you carry out last year when your GP asked you if your DD would have had access to non age appropriate content ?

Did you check with the other parents at the time, say explicitly to the parents age appropriate games only, or ask your daughter the name of the games and suss them out yourself. Or have the other girl in your house so you could monitor what they were doing ?

Dieu · 14/03/2020 09:54

Sorry, I couldn't get past the fact that they are either playing at this child's house, or outside.
Erm, maybe you could take them out to some age appropriate activities, so as to do your bit in this arrangement.

FamilyOfAliens · 14/03/2020 09:55

If i say we are out or busy etc then they want to know what time she will be free.

So you just say not today, maybe some other time. You actually don’t have to tell them anything about your arrangements unless you want to.

Original poster

PerfumeAddict · 14/03/2020 09:57

I ve only taken dd to the GP last week. Although the night terrors etc have been doing on for a year they were very occasional at first but over the last 2-3 months have got much worse and much more frequent which is when i took her to the GP.

Dd only goes to theres without me she never goes to anyones house without me there and i honestly thought they were on the same wavelength as us.

OP posts:

Ellisandra · 14/03/2020 09:58

My daughter’s friend’s parents say no all the time 🤷🏻‍♀️ (they also say yes a lot!)

sorry, we’re having family time today
sorry, she’d love to but she’s tired and I want a quiet day

Etc.

ButteryPuffin · 14/03/2020 10:00

Perhaps your DH could go somewhere else, or get some noise cancelling headphones? Your DD should be able to play in her own home without it being an inconvenience.

Original poster

PerfumeAddict · 14/03/2020 10:02

I have them in mine during spring and summer.

We never ask if there dd is playing its always them asking us.

It is difficult with them not being allowed in here. They would be allowed but they run around screaming and wont be told so we had to make the decision to not allow friends in during dh busy months. He has a very unique job and i ve explained the situation to dd friends parents and they understand that spring and summer is no problem but autumn and winter is

OP posts:

puds11 · 14/03/2020 10:09

What do you say?

You say no, my child is having night terrors as a result of games she’s playing at your house.

corythatwas · 14/03/2020 10:09

This sounds like good advice to me. Don't question her parenting decisions, just ask for help with a problem relating to your dd.

MintyMabel · 14/03/2020 10:16

Im not using them for free childcare!! I would much rather dd didnt go there but when her parents are messaging asking if dd can play at theres then what do you say?

You say no. It is bloody annoying when you have a kid over at yours constantly and the parent rarely repays the favour. I’m in that situation with one of DD’s friends, they are fucking rude, frankly, the number of times I look after and feed their child but on the rare occasion they ask to play indoors at hers they are told no.

If your home isn’t suitable for looking after children, especially at the weekends when they are supposed to be able to decompress, you don’t deal with it by farming your kids out to someone else. Poor kid, made to go outside in all weathers or sit quietly so daddy can work. The rest of us who work from home close the door and get on with it.

yikesanotherbooboo · 14/03/2020 10:16

I agree with mauvaisreputation.

WouldShouldCould · 14/03/2020 10:21

What fatted said.

The moment I found out my DD was being exposed to things I didn't agree with I stopped letting her go round. It's your decision what your DD does, fortnite is a 12 and yet millions of children under 12 are allowed to play it, parents choice. I chose to not allow it and to prevent it I parented my child.
Your Dh can not work from home if it means your DD has to either be outside or at a friend's house. You are using the friend as free childcare, your dh should look into an office share.

Candyfloss99 · 14/03/2020 10:23

Don't let your child go there. Supervise them yourself.

GreenWheat · 14/03/2020 10:24

This is always a tricky one when your child's friends have older siblings in the house. You can't really avoid them coming into contact with it, but perhaps you could let the mum know the specific games that scare your daughter and ask that they don't play them. You can also help your daughter to say she doesn't like them and doesn't want to play them. If it doesn't stop, then you will have to find another friend to play with who doesn't have older siblings.

Original poster

PerfumeAddict · 14/03/2020 10:26

My children do play in the house, my house looks like a bloody toy shop!! When its just my kids here they do not run around screaming etc but when a friend is in they behave feral!

Dh is on the phone to customers and its unprofessional for customers to hear children screaming in the background. Its just the way it is and its what pays the bills so that wont be changing.

OP posts:

WhatHappenedThen · 14/03/2020 10:27

I think it’s best to tackle this by teaching your daughter to be careful what she watches. At 7 there is no reason she can’t be taught to monitor what she watches herself.

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