Dd has been exposed to content that is not age appropriate

[PerfumeAddict]

Dd is 7. She has a friend who she plays with at weekends and school holidays that lives on the same street as us. Dd friend is 8. They are in her house alot or outside as dh works from home at weekends so i dont allow them to play inside as they are too noisy despite me constantly telling them to be quiet.

During summer dh doesnt work as much from home so they are in ours then.

Over the last year dd has been having nightmares and night terrors, sometimes up to 4 a week. We have been to the GP who was asking me if i was 100% sure that dd hadnt been watching something at someone elses house that was not age appropriate.

Last night dd wanted me to download some games on her ipad so we went through them together. She was pointing out games her friend has on her ipad which they play on and when looking at these games they are 12+ rating. Dd could tell me exactly what you do on these games and its about shooting, running away from the police and being bad guys...

We did have an issue last year were dd was talking about a game she was playing there and i messaged mum asking what it was. Her mum replied that it was on their older childs ipad that they shouldnt of been on and she would have a word with her daughter. Dd is adamant it was not on her sisters ipad but it was on her friends.

How do i approach this? Dd has not had a nightmare or night terror for 2 weeks which is brilliant but she hasnt been on this childs ipad for over 2 weeks.

I would tell DD that she is not allowed on her friends tablet at all. That if her friend suggests the tablet she is to say that she isn't allowed on it and can they please do something else. If her friend says no or goes on the tablet she is to come straight home.

Just send her a message saying she has been having night terrors the doctor thinks its related to what she saw on the sisters tablet (yes I know it probably is hers) and can she get the girls to be more aware

Ultimately your daughter may have to say no I dont like this (my 7 year old runs away from things on the tv he doesnt like so it is possible)

I feel your pain. My 8 year old watched The Purge at a friends house. The mum couldn't understand at all what my problem was. I really nearly throttled the woman.

If the parents wont listen then all you can do is ban them from going to that person's house (and maybe warn the other parents).

I am going to talk to dd and teach her to be careful what they are playing on.

I would much rather she didnt go there but dd likes her and they are always asking for her to play there so it would be a shame for the friendship to end but i need be sure that all is ok

I am quite strict with my boys, they are 6 and 7, the highest age game they play is Minecraft. They tell me some of the games that the kids play in their class and I am shocked, Granny being the worst, but Hello Neighbor isn't great either, and Roblox can be bad for that age, I bet most of these parents don't actually know their young children are playing these games.

So either tell her she's not going round or tell her she's not allowed to play the games while she's there.

She wont stop asking until you are honest enough to tell her the problem. If it means she takes offence and thinks you are judging her then problem solved. she wont ask again.

Not nice to fall out with someone, but you are dealing with the aftermath of her not checking what 2 young children are doing

So you want the other parent to make changes to how they parent but are completely unwilling to make any changes or compromises yourself.

As pp have said, the only way you can guarantee that your daughter is parented the way you want is for her to be parented by you.

Your house sounds completely miserable.

If your DH has customers who do not understand that he has a family and as it's the weekend they will hear them he needs to find somewhere else to work. He cannot restrict family life like this. It is not fair.

So you fob your daughter off, never return the favour and then you think it’s ok to moan about what they do.

CF.

You can have the other child to yours even if your DH is working provided you are prepared to supervise and direct their play. They are only running around “feral” because you are leaving them to occupy themselves. If you had them both in the kitchen making and decorating cupcakes with you, or were sitting in the living room with them playing a board game, the noise would be contained.

Maybe it’s a regional thing but there’s no way I’d be throwing my 7 year old out of the house to play outside in the winter and autumn months in the cold and dark with no adult supervision

Why do you let them run around screaming? They're 7 and 8, youre an adult!

Its just the way it is and its what pays the bills so that wont be changing.

The fact that you and your husband don't want to change anything you do (though you expect other people to!) is what's leading to your daughter having night terrors. You're responsible.

If your DH has customers who do not understand that he has a family and as it's the weekend they will hear them he needs to find somewhere else to work. He cannot restrict family life like this. It is not fair.

This. I work from home sometimes and if there is child noise when I’m on calls, I simply let people know I’m working from home and there are children there. People aren’t idiots and understand what goes on.

There’s a sibling pair who roam our estate in all weathers at the weekend because their dad works nights. I feel awful for them. They’ve been in at ours a couple of times as the boy is a friend of DDs, his older sister sat chatting once about how hard it is for them.

Maybe you should talk to your daughter about the games, look through them with her and explain that they are not real life. You can’t always control what she will see but you can help her process them better. It’s not like she’ll turn 12 and suddenly all 12 games won’t affect her. You are setting her up to fail if instead of talking about it, you just ban it.

I thought night terrors were brought on by lack of of sleep rather than some day time influence.
What are the nightmares about? It sounds abit unreasonable that she is having bad sleep problems because of a 12+ game. Could something else be going on? If not I think you need to work on bed time routine and making sure she is getting a good amount of sleep.

I would much rather she didnt go there but dd likes her and they are always asking for her to play there so it would be a shame for the friendship to end but i need be sure that all is ok

You cannot rely on your DD to stay firm with her friend.

You have to speak to the parents, and if it continues you will have to stop them playing together.

The fact that you and your husband don't want to change anything you do (though you expect other people to!) is what's leading to your daughter having night terrors. You're responsible.

And I think this ^^ is a valid point.

Night terrors do no harm. They aren’t a huge issue and children grow out of them. I’d be tempted to just let it be. I’d be telling child and friend to behave and have some quieter activities for times they need to be quieter.

You won’t stop your child from going to play at her friends
You won’t make dd and her friend play quietly at yours

I’m not sure if you have any other options?

Combination of telling the other mother your DD is not allowed on iPad and telling your DD this is what is causing her issues and if you find out she’s been on the iPad she won’t be going back.

Surely you can stop them screaming in your own home. If they persist send the friend home and don't let your child play with her for the rest of the day.

Dd you are not allowed to watch anything on friends iPad. If she is playing on ipad you come home.

Friends parents "dd has been having nightmares so limiting screen time. Have told her to come home when your dd wants to play iPad. Sorry for any inconvenience"

You don't know for certain that the games are causing her night terrors. Correlation is not causation. They may well be but it's also possible that something else could be doing it - don't foget that, so blind yourself to other possibilities.

So, do not say anything that appears to blame the other mum for your dd's night terrors.

You could certainly mention the games and report factually what dd has told you. You can say dd won't be able to play there for a while. You cannot ask her to remove them for your dd's sake, as she is not your childminder.

He has a very unique job
Lmao! Well of course he does!
Working in Customer Service and ringing clients is such a unique role......
He actually sounds like a self-important jackass who EXPECTS everything to revolve around him just because he's the main breadwinner.

i've explained the situation to dd friends parents and they understand that spring and summer is no problem but autumn and winter is
Well of course!
In Spring & Summer the weather is usually reasonable enough to send the kids OUTSIDE to play.....obviously can't do that in Autumn & Winter.
You're NOT clever - just extreme cheekyfuckers who are using others for free childcare.

Dh is on the phone to customers and its unprofessional for customers to hear children screaming in the background
Really? He can't afford to spend a few quid on a headset?
You know, the kind that plenty of homeworkers use to mitigate the background noise - be that children or traffic....they use them in Call Centres too......and they are pretty good.

Its just the way it is and its what pays the bills so that wont be changing
As i thought....a self-important jackass who expects the world to revolve around him just cos he pays the bills.
I bet he considers himself far too important to do any childcare, housework or take on the mental load....you know, so it frees you up to get a full time job to help pay the bills so you can call the shots in the household too.........

@monkeymonkey2010 that’s OP told 🤣🤣

Depends on the 12 game as to whether it's a major issue.

This one is a 15 certificate on the DSi game.

There's others of much lower ratings that I have not let mine play.