To be annoyed by the use of “its so gay!”

[Missmummy88]

So, there is a new employee at work who is really nice and whom I really get on with, but one thing she does grates me to another level. She is very loud and I have now heard her say 3x that something is “so gay” I.e. indicating something is stupid/annoying etc. I fully understand that some people grew up in the “it’s so gay” era but really as a woman in her 30s this is unacceptable language. No one in our office is outly homosexual but regardless it is offensive to us all as a society who wouldn’t want our sexuality to be used in slang for negative connotations.

Aibu?

I'm in my 30's and 'it's so gay' was a term used a lot at school. I definitely wouldn't be saying it in this day and age. One it can be classed as inoffensive and two, I'm a grown woman.

Pull her up on it.

I grew up in the "thats so gay!" era. I used to say it fairly often as a child. My Sibling is actually gay and (much older) would challenge me every time. I cringe in absolute regret when I think back on it, and if I hear someone say it now I challenge them in the same way. Its not even ignorant, its homophobic and unacceptable.

so... apart from grating on you to another level, being loud, using unacceptable language and being offensive, your think she is really nice and you get on well with her..?

what is there to be unreasonable about..

Probably showing my age.

My grandmother used to compliment me on being so very gay, I was 14 and had just bought my first lipstick.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that it meant something quite different in the early 1980's to the 1930's.

I'm a teacher and disappointingly still hear it around school sometimes - although a lot less than when I was at school (also in my 30s). I pick the student on it every time. If it was a colleague, I think I would be speaking to HR.

I'm about that age and it was a pretty commonly used phrasing around 15 years ago/high school years so I'd say more than likely she hasn't grown out of it, she definitely should have though. It's not appropriate.

In school it was a pretty common phrase, I was probably guilty of having said it myself back then from time to time but that was a different era and I am much more aware now than I was when I was 10-16.

Incidentally a close friend (male) said it to me the other day during a WhatsApp exchange and while I know he is by no means homophobic, I pulled him up on his choice of terminology; He understood why after I had brought it to his attention, although I don't think he should have needed an explanation for why it's offensive.

So I understand your annoyance OP but personally I'd pull her up on it!

Also gree up saying this - I am now gay myself and heard someone in there 20s say it at work a few days ago I was shocked that she said it and that it was still a phrase people seemingly use

I can't believe anyone still says that I'm around the same age as your colleague so grew up saying it but haven't heard anyone say that in the past 5-8 years. Definitely homophobic and also childish - even if we took a time machine back to 2007 she's too old for that phrase.

I would call her out on it every time ("how old are you?" "You do realise that's homophobic, right?" Etc.)

I'd pull it up on it first, if she does it again, presumably your org, has some diversity and equality policies that you can refer her to?

Regardless of what childish phrases she uses in her personal life, it's far from professional.

I couldn't get wound up over the "it's so offensive" thing, as people seem to like to be offended these days.

For me it's just bloody immature and in a work environment, unprofessional. If I was her Manager, she'd be told in no uncertain terms to act professionally or consider alternative employment.

What a strange this for someone to say. It's quite an immature phrase sometimes used by school children, not adults (in my view). However, we did have a man at work who I hear say it twice. The first time I wasn't involved in the conversation, the second time I was. So I pulled him up on it and asked him why he thought being gay was a negative term and I found it derogatory. He was very taken aback and apologised - to his credit. I have not heard him use it since.

I'm in my early 30s and this was a common phrase when I was at school. And then I grew up.

I'd ask her to stop it

I also find this offensive and would definitely say something

Just turn around calmly next time she says it and say "why are you always blaming the gays?" It's very affective.

Many years a ago when I used the term a friend used it on me, made me stop and think about what I was saying and I've since used it on others. It's not a term for polite conversation.

That would be a straight off disciplinary offence where I work. If anyone used it, it would not be tolerated any more than racist comments.

You don't need to be aggressive about confronting her about it.
It's ok to say, Have you heard what you're saying? It's not ok and people are noticing.

I’m a college teacher and we have had Stonewall posters dotted around for some time. One of them says ‘THAT’S SO GAY. Let’s face it, it’s probably not’ which I love.

You should pull her up on it.

It’s homophobic/ deal with it now. This would be no tolerance in my workplace. People would be talked ( have been in fact) and disciplined if it continued.
Get her to watch this - it’s funny but also Really makes the point of how harmful it is.

www.autostraddle.com/watch-ash-beckham-explain-why-thats-so-gay-is-so-so-wrong-163378/

As her what she means and then get her to explain the connection between that and being a gay person.
Every time

Would you accept casual racism without challenging it? If not, then don’t accept casual homophobia without challenging it.

We have someone in our office that used to say that. Every time I heard it I said ‘.... that’s not acceptable’ she’s stopped now.

I’ll be 30 in a few weeks and said ‘that’s so gay’ about 15 years ago, usually to something I deemed cheesy or dorky. I’d never, ever say it now and your colleague should know better.

I would expect better form a teenager, never mind a grown woman.