To be annoyed by the use of “its so gay!”

[Missmummy88]

So, there is a new employee at work who is really nice and whom I really get on with, but one thing she does grates me to another level. She is very loud and I have now heard her say 3x that something is “so gay” I.e. indicating something is stupid/annoying etc. I fully understand that some people grew up in the “it’s so gay” era but really as a woman in her 30s this is unacceptable language. No one in our office is outly homosexual but regardless it is offensive to us all as a society who wouldn’t want our sexuality to be used in slang for negative connotations.

Aibu?

When I was a teenager this was used, I haven’t heard anyone using it for years and would be surprised to hear it now - especially from someone in their 30s who should know better. I think I would have to say something to her, it’s not on - especially in a workplace

It's not professional. I'd just tell her that - if she asks why or seems put out, you could get into it being homophobic.

I do get tired of the 'terminology police' telling folk what they can and cannot bloody say, and yelling at them for saying the 'wrong' thing, as for some people, it's the language they grew up with.

My great uncle (89) uses what some would class as poor terminology for POC, (not the N-word though,) and also people who are attracted to the same sex. But he doesn't mean anything by it, and is a lovely kind man who welcomes anyone into his home.

Before anyone says anything, I am not saying his age is an excuse - but more a 'reason.'

However, in this case @Missmummy88 YANBU. I would not expect anyone over 14 to say 'urgh, it's soooooo gay!' It's VERY 2008, and very much a 'tween' thing to say.

I would laugh at how ridiculous she sounds to be honest. Say 'what?! Did you seriously just say that? The last time I heard that was when my 11 year old cousin said it in 2008!'

I don’t think it’s normal to be taking phrases in your 30s that you used as a teenager. I remember the days of awesome sauce and amazballs. Definitely not saying it in the office!

I'm gay. This one really pisses me off. I would pull it up and challenge it, every time. Gay is not a synonym for crap.

Oh god I hated this back in the day. Mainly because I am a massive sponge and tend to repeat turns of phrase without much encouragement. Trouble is I DO have gay friends I very much love to bits, and this was very much said all the time at work. Never said it though but it was a struggle to actively avoid it.

@user1490607838 it’s not ‘terminology police’ to ask people not to use racial slurs ffs.

Nice people aren’t homophobic OP.

I did once reply to a “thats so gay” colleague with “thats so black”.

There is no excuse for homophobia or racism, including age. If an older person isn’t racist they wouldn’t choose to use racist terms.

ive had to pick up a staff member on this . once was a formal warning and if it happens again its dismissal. same if she was making racist comments.

Having also grown up with the phrase meaning 'that's so cringy / weird' it was in use fairly regularly (and with no intentional hurt behind it, indeed very naively) in my school. That doesn't mean we aren't grown ups now and fully realise it also can be very offensive and has other connotations. Not something I'd use and would call colleague up saying that it's maybe not used by them maliciously but it's long past time to retire the phrase and use something else.

This is interesting. Can anyone explain why it is ok for language to evolve so that gay no longer means cheerful/ happy to gay meaning homosexual. However it is not ok for the word to change meaning to silly/stupid?

"AIBU"?

Yes, if you haven't said anything to her.

What did she say when you pulled her up on it and told her it isn’t acceptable?

Oh wait. You didn’t.

@Fairyliz So you’re okay with calling all gay people silly/stupid?

How would you feel if people started using the word woman to mean stupid or dim?

@Fairyliz do you really need an answer to that question?
Are you really so dense that you can’t see the difference here? Or are you being deliberately facetious?

@SimonJT
But if we accept that language evolves we are not saying that all gay people are stupid. Who decides the meaning of words?

@Sparklesocks
Not being facetious just interested to learn how words change. Who makes those decisions?
E.g. bitch is a perfectly accept word for a female dog, who decided it was a not very nice word for a female human?

@Fairyliz

It’s really really simple. Words may evolve and change, but if they were to evolve to be oppressive or discriminatory then we shut that down. Because gay DOES mean homosexuality, and homosexuals are referred to as gay. That is a fact. So ascribing another to that word doesn’t cancel out the first meaning. And in this context, gay is being used as a negative. Its not a coincidence and hasn’t been plucked out of thin air, it’s deliberately emerged from homophobic intentions in order to associate gay people with things that are bad or stupid. Even if school kids using it 10-15 years ago or whatever didn’t intend it that way, it has homophobic connotations because the word gay is primarily used to describe homosexuality. Therefore it’s not an appropriate or kind term to use.

With the meaning of gay changing from ‘joyful/fun’ to mean homosexual, the former meaning didn’t refer to a group of people. So nobody suffered or was negatively impacted by the change to something different. But changing it again now that the meaning is different, means it’s a completely different story. Context is everything.

@Sparklesocks
Thank you real good explanation

I hadn't heard it until I started working with millenials (you know, the ones who are so right-on) - fortunately the boss was gay and made it totally clear that it is not acceptable.

Does she also describe something foolish as 'Irish' and someone mean as 'Jewish'? That's the full set and yes, she wants a good thumping. As we don't do that, see if your company has any kind of policy on racism/sexism/homophobia.

outly homosexual

This colleague sounds like a school child

My 12 year old says this
And yes. I pull him up on it every time

Totally unacceptable

I find feigning concern and saying you know thats not a bad word right? is quite effective.

It was normal for "gay" to mean silly or stupid back in the late 90s / early 00s. E.g. someone losing a fortune on a quiz machine or gambling machine and then someone else saying "what he did was so gay!"

Although I'm not offended by the term, it has been out-dated for a while now. It's not something you should say out in the open e.g. Facebook.