to think that funeral video is a little bit too much?

[FearlessSwiftie]

My best friend's grandma had passed away the other day and the funeral is tomorrow. Among other things my friend ordered a special funeral video with her grandmother photos and some videos from family archive. There also will be a song by Leonard Cohen and my friend says the video will be played while people would be saying their farewell to her grandma. I don't mean to sound petty but it seems to be too much to my mind. A VIDEO at the funeral! I can't even imagine it, but I'm not going to tell my friend that, this video idea makes her happy. AIBU?

When my much loved aunt past last year we had a video playing with photos of her from all ages. It was truly lovely to see them all and what a wonderful life she had full of amazing memories .... i

I've been to a few funerals where a film or slideshow has been shown and it's absolutely lovely. It so powerfully makes a funeral about the person and their life and what they brought into it, rather than the solemn, conveyor belt, awkwardness of so many funerals.

I would have loved to have done this at my sister's funeral but the crem didn't have the technology. We did have ace music though - George Michael, Adele and Martha and the Muffins!

Personally I think t's a lovely idea, it's a chance to celebrate the life of the loved one as well as grieve. I have been to a funeral where they did this and it felt very respectfully done, it was still sad but it was a chance to really think about the person and see them again as it were. Most of all it comforted the immediate family whose idea it was.

let people grieve the way they need to - when your time comes, or you're planning a funeral for a loved one, you can decided what happens.
My uncle dies overseas and most if us couldn't go, so someone took a video of the service. It was a comfort to his elderly siblings who couldn't get out there.

i thought videoing the funeral itself to show on a whim was very tasteless but the photos are a lovely good idea. your last post is a bit of a drip feed.

Much more personal that a vicar droning on about someone he never met. Lovely way to rekindle memories.

I can see the initial idea might seem a big grim but I would expect most mourners would not have a clear understanding and images of the range of someone's life (such as when young, at work, doing sports/hobbies, on holiday, socialising with friends, with their children or families). I've learned something from seeing old photos like these at funerals I've attended.

FearlessSwiftie it makes sense then. The cultural difference is really a thing to emphasize and mention. The fact that your friend didn't appreciate the idea at first doesn't mean she can't change her mind when the situation is serious but you are a good friend not to discuss it with her and you have every right to be posting questions online. I don't know why some PPs give you a hard time for that. Everyone can feel uncomfortable about things.

It’s the same as a eulogy from a family member, but with audio and visuals.

And for those who think that videoing the actual funeral is unacceptable, that may well turn out to be something that coronavirus restrictions on gatherings changes.

My Brother died on the 12th December. We found pictures and everything with him and my husband spent a long time making a funeral video. We spent the time trying to give my brother a good send off.
It was lovely. We did loads of pics and it was really nice
.

It's something you shouldn't even question in my opinion.

None of your business.

It's a great (and common) idea.

You’re not really very much of a friend are you!

We did this at the wake rather than at actual funeral for my Dad
We also had photo albums and iPads with slide shows
Everyone really enjoyed passing them round and sharing their memories
It also helped people getting to know each other from different aspects of his life

I totally came to this thread expecting "they're taking a video OF the funeral"

YABU. And insensitive. Wind your neck in.

Went to a funeral last year with this. The photos also played as people did speech and readings. Was very comforting to look at happy pictures

God save us from "friends" who start judgemental threads about us on MN the day before our relative's funeral.

It sounds a really sweet idea.

A family friend had always joked that when he died he wanted a full New Orleans style jazz band to play him up the aisle of the church. He died sadly well before his time (miss him terribly - he was more of a dad to me than my own father ever was) and somehow his kids managed to pull off finding a jazz band. Church doors opened for the coffin to be brought in and all we heard was When the Saints go Marching In full blast coming down the church from the street outside and it was just utterly utterly brilliant because I just had a wonderful mental image of him sat beside us grinning and gesturing and bragging that "you see that - that was my good idea wasn't it". It kept me going through that awful funeral to be honest.

Having essentially photos at the funeral is common.
I thought by the title you meant they were filming the funeral, and yes that would be too much.

I can't stand attitudes like this. They're similar to the idea that women who have had miscarriages should never talk about it, because it's taboo and 'nice' people don't. Ditto telling others how they should and shouldn't grieve. It's usually tantamount to 'shut up'. Don't share your memories, keep a stiff-upper lip (how very 'British'), everything should be 'private' and 'dignified' as though the two are somehow conflated. Never mind what bottling things up does to people's mental health.

If I cared enough for someone to pay my respects at their funeral, as far as I'm concerned they could mark it with a marching band of cartwheeling players dressed in clown suits. My friend's mum requested 'I don't feel like dancing' to be played at her funeral, because she wanted a moment of light relief where people could remember her humour. And people laughed. Some would say that's the epitome of naff, but for us it recalled a warm, funny woman who cared about the feelings of others.

Most people's role as an attendee would be to support the bereaved.
Yours appears to be standing in snobbish judgement. Some 'friend'.

@Kuponut that sounds amazing, and it must have been great for the man’s children to have been able to do that one last thing that he’d wanted.

I guess in terms of traditional funerals, the film and soundtrack is a relatively recent thing, but it’s brilliant use of technology, rekindling memories of happy times, and particularly when someone has had an illness which has stripped away what they used to be like, it helps people remember them as they were in life, not towards their death.

Dunno about photos, but Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen and Highland Cathedral played by the Scots Dragoon guards will be the soundtrack to mine!

I saw something like this at an uncle’s funeral, and thought it a beautiful way to commemorate him.

Yes YABU. I have had to plan funerals of two very close family members in the last few years, both time we created a video montage of their life. Everyone loved to see the photos and it was nice to choose songs that were important to them to accompany that. Its a lovely way to celebrate someones life and sometimes lift a bit of the sadness from a funeral.

I thought you meant videoing the actual funeral, which is what my DM did for my DF. No photos of him out on display but there was a video camera blocking the aisle. Everyone commented on how like a wedding it was. Now THAT is weird.

My grandmother's funeral had one of these. It was lovely. Have been to others with them too.

“I don’t want to sound petty”

You don’t. You sound like an asshole.