To not apologise?

[Dogman2020]

Long story short have a friend who is super sensitive and can argue with a paper bag.
Texting recently he seemed annoyed about something so I asked if id annoyed him. he said yes id done something that had got his back up but he didnt know what. (for context - whatever id done was within this text conversation that took place over 15 minutes so I highly doubt he would have forgotten that quickly).

Same evening I sent a nice email to him telling him thank you for cheering me up so much that day - i'd been feeling down in the morning and felt like I wanted to lock myself away which I didnt thanks to him.

this set him off further apparently and he brought up how pissed off he was over the texts - with still no idea what irritated him but he knew he "got his back up" over something.

So now were on day 2 of him not speaking to me until I apologise. i'm at a loss to what im apologising for, but have said sorry he took whatever ive said to heart but without telling me what ive done i'm at a loss to know what i'm apologising for.

I guess i'm asking should I just apologise when I feel he's being a Huge, massive crank right now and needs to settle himself down out of his mood swing. I will always apologise if im in the wrong but on this occasion all over done was check he was ok and send him an email thanking him for being so good and kind to me.

Well how can you possible apologise when you don't even know what you've done, hell, he doesn't even know. So no, don't say sorry, unless an apology is genuine it is empty and he sounds like a nobber anyway.

If he didn't know what then he just sounds an irritable idiot tbh. I wouldn't give it any more thought.

I'd tell him to fucking grow up and then leave him to it.

Erm, no. And you know you shouldn't. You would only be feeding into this passive aggressive mantrum that he is having. If its not a big enough deal for him to remember what the offence is, then its not a big enough deal to warrant an apology.

He sounds childish and exhausting. I would be ditching someone this draining.

Why are you bothering with him. He is an attention seeker.

Perfect time to block and delete.

If you apologise for something you've not done and aren't sorry for, your apology means nothing but also you're pandering to someone else's bullshit. Whilst you engage in this, he's got no reason to change.

Stand your ground and tell him he's being a dong. If he wants to speak to you he can sort himself out, otherwise he doesn't value your friendship much and you're better off out of it.

Don't even entertain him. He sounds spoilt and self centred

Don't enable that behaviour by apologising. It's time he learns that sometimes as an adult people piss you off and you just have to suck it up and move on.

Besides you haven't done anything!

Drama drama drama.

He is a bad friend. You were feeling down, he helped lift you up and then he knocked you back down again. Do you feel worse than you felt at the start of the day?

He isn't a friend much, is he?

Why on earth would you even think of apologising. Even he doesn’t know what you’ve done to upset him. Tell him to get in touch when he’s grown up and can have a proper discussion

Ok thank you all.... This type of thing has happened before and his way of dealing with it with his wife is that if one of them does something wrong as the other one deems fit - then the opposite shuts down immediately and apologises.

Ive always found it strange, (and to be fair to her its mostly him who sees something takes to heart) she just closes down and apologises and they move on. they very rarely argue and very rarely get there point over to each other so they both tend to bottle things up.

I did always and it weird but wondered if I was a bad person for not apologising as i've obviously upset him in some way but I refuse to apologise if I dont think ive done anything wrong. he doesn't always agree with this method. Ive usually put it down to culture differences.

Sorry but this is bonkers.

If he doesn't know what you did, how the hell are you supposed to?

Utterly shit behaviour. I had a 'friend' like this who did it once too often. So I blocked him.

It's no loss to me at all, and made me realise what an emotional drain he was.

Seriously, he is a shit friend.

Sounds like Phoebe in Friends to me. He probably dreamt it.

Block.

He’s a drama knob who will drain your life force.

Is this like on friends when Phoebe was annoyed with Ross and had no idea why and it turned out to be a dream she had?

Cross post with @poorbuthappy

He’s a twat. Why are you chasing after this fool’s friendship?

How can he be annoyed an demand an apology, if he can't even tell you what annoyed him, and can't even pin point it himself. Fuck that shit. I would tell him to ram it right up his gaslighting arse.

@AnotherDingle

He is not a friend, he is a grade A knobber.

That's mad. What happens when there is a genuine difference of opinion and you have to agree to disagree. Nobody apologises in those situations because nobody did anything wrong.

I bet he loves it to have ladies chasing him all "u ok hun" desperate to make the big man feel happy. Fuck that.

you've made me laugh remembering that friends episode .

So he expects the apology apparently because I refused yesterday, and because I kept arguing my point that I had actually done nothing according to him I spun him up and wound him up when I should have cooled him down. .

This friendship is the only thing thats cooled down. apart from this weird incident he's actually a good bloke.

He emotionally abuses his wife. He is doing it to you too. She has learned to shut the fuck up and keep her feelings bottled in to avoid him taking his moods out on her. He's teaching you to do the same.