To feel sad about manager's remark

[m4rdybum]

I am a PA, supporting a managing director of a company.

I had a phased return from maternity leave in October then went back up to full time after Christmas. I am also part of an administration team that supports top level managers of the company.

On maternity leave, my job was covered by another member of the team. I've been told by colleagues and my manager that the cover was adequate but that there were a lot of mistakes.

Upon coming back, I'm having issues getting my full workload back from the covering colleague (I get it- I've been out the job for 10 months) and my manager is making matters more complicated by still splitting the workload between us.

I have since found out that my manager has told one of the senior managers that she's "scared of me going off on maternity leave again" and so doesnt want to rely on me too much now I'm back (even though it's my job).

I'm upset by this and think that now, everyone sees me only as a mother (who is bound to have more kids ) and not as a colleague/professional at work.

Am I just over-reacting? (I'm so much more sensitive since returning to work, so probably am!!)

That’s ridiculous. Even if just an off the cuff comment your manager should be pulled up on it. Perhaps not taking things further but so they understand that that attitude is not acceptable.

I had a similar situation and my manager welcomed me back with open arms and let me resume my full duties straight away. I’m in a very niche role and me going off again would have cause them some issues but they would never have said something like that, even if they’d thought it because they’re professionals.

@DingleberryRose I do hope you've expressed this to someone at work.

You see my HR director did - to me. I made a fuss at the time - put it in writing what he had said, made an official record or it and a complain to my boss (the CEO) and when they made my role redundant on my return it cost them A LOT of money.

Think 6 figures.

It is illegal to make comments like that.

OP is there anyway to could get that in writing? Perhaps email the senior manager asking them to come firm what they told you verbally?

You can do it nicely. "Just wanted to confirm that in xxxx you said xxxx"I bet they back pedal like mad... but you will have flagged that it's been noted and if they have any sense they will realise they've been stupid AND that they sideline/make you redundant at their peril.

Don't be sad, you don't even need to be angry Be pragmatic, be assertive, don't let them get away with comments like that.

You are not being awkward. You are being professional- remember they are not.

Stand up for yourself. Don't be one of those people that gives up a career/job they love because they don't want to send a slightly uncomfortable email.

You are in the right legally. They broke the law. It's not an emotive thing. It's making sure the law is followed in your organisation, specifically I'm your case.

And the law exists because of the utter bollocks of people like the PP.

It's discrimination. It's illegal. It's happy to you. Don't let it.

I can't stand up for myself... spelling, not so much.

Of FFS I can stand up for myself. And OP you should to.

Just proofread the email

@DingleberryRose so who’s giving birth to these babies in your world? Because someone has to and last I checked, only one sex can.

If a company can not cope with a woman being on Mat leave then the company is shit.

I was promoted whilst pregnant. Can have a baby and progress, who knew!

How did you ‘find out’??

A senior manager who I get on well with told me.

That they would stop believing having children is the default and stop finding themselves dependent on men.

I am the main/higher earner in our house, so I dont rely on my DH.

Maternity leave is a huge strain on any service I don’t see the problem with a manager dividing the role to provide better cover . This might be beneficial when people are in sick leave also a major problem if only one person knows how to do a job . If you were a manger you would understand this.

The issue comes from the fact that this attitude change came after I had my baby (I'm talking about my manager's comment). She was more than happy for me to do everything until she realised I had a working reproductive system.

I think @5zeds has summarised it nicely.

As much as Ding is saying what she is, she's still noting that women are discriminated for having a family and men aren't- and that is not right.

Forget women's rights etc - isn't what he said true?

Women do do this though and they leave employers and colleagues in the lurch. A lady in our team has made maternity leave her new ‘career’.

Astonishing that someone smart enough to have two degrees and half a PhD under their belt could be foolish enough to say this.

OP your manager's attitude is revolting. You won't be one of "those" women to stand your ground here; you don't need to be a dick, just be confident that the way your manager spoke was unacceptable and inappropriate and needs to change if you're to remain a valued member of staff. You don't have to accept being spoken about in this way.

A lot of people assuming my manager is Male, even though I've specified otherwise.

As someone who employs 500+ staff, it's absolutely a consideration when I'm employing someone.

Your manager is foolish for sharing her thoughts with someone she shouldn't be trusting.

We’re going to have to take it. We keep putting ourselves in situations that keep us on the bottom of the pile

@DingleberryRose I do agree that way too many of us end up accepting such situations. More men need to be made to step up to the plate. Very few men will without a big shove - after all, why would you if you've been used to being top of the pile?

It is unfair but as you’ve only heard it second hand l doubt there’s little official you can do. Technically, l don’t think you have an entitlement to the actual work you did before the maternity leave, only the same or equal job. What that job entails may be changed. However, why not be brave and ask him to confirm or deny what was said . Just saying “ l don’t want to say where l heard it, but l’m concerned and a bit annoyed that apparently someone implying l can’t take on certain work in case l go on maternity leave again ? “ then watch him squirm .....

And that right there is why we should have maternity leave for both parents... If both men and women go off for 9 months then they can't discriminate as much any more. Plus it will be a much better way to raise a kid.

Been there though and reported my manager say "I'm not hiring a woman again... She'll just go on maternity! Only hired you because it is a short contract so you can't get maternity cover from us"

I ended up quitting due to health reasons a month later so he really didn't like women after that. Then his boss left and was replaced by a lady. He lasted less than 6 months before he got fired saying some really sexist stuff with all my complaints also finally getting back and helping back up her case. Dude really was sexist - a female member of staff tried to assault me. I put on my 6 month review form about it and how I wanted more support on how to deal with an aggressive member of staff - he removed it. I sent the original to hr telling them with him quoting "we don't need your female squabbling and handbags at dawn to go onto this form... Everything is fine." arse wipe it wasn't. I had hr helping me each day as you were a bag of shit.

I'd go to hr. Even if it goes no where now I have seen that it helps if others bring up stuff or others have before you.

They did this to me - never gave me my full responsibilities. Didn’t give me the important projects, just the less important ones, and then made me redundant after 12 months. Be very wary.

YANBU - think quite a few people would have been upset by that comment to be fair

Whilst on maternity my organisation wrote to all staff asking if anyone was interested in taking voluntary redundancy. I arranged a meeting with my manager to discuss the option and other alternatives including what hours I would go back to if I did return (I would be requesting reduced hours).

She told me

"if you come back you wont be going back into your old role as you'll only go and get pregnant again"

SHE was the HR Director with school age children of her own who had returned on part time hours. Beggars belief.

Tbh - you say your role changed to a shared support team BEFORE you went on mat leave.
Honestly,it sounds like they are ensuring the workload is shared out as it's supposed to be rather than being against you personally. I would agree with this approach as niche working creates issues for any absence , not mat leave specifically. Staff support team workers that multi task are more efficient.
I'm sorry, but this is not about your maternity and more about continuity of work coverage - which started before you went on mat leave and you weren't there long enough with the change to fully experience it. Adapt to the change and embrace the new opportunities.

This happened to me in a role the same as yours. My job title was subtly tweaked while I was on maternity and less than two years later that job was made redundant but my old job wasn’t - this in a massive company too. Are you part time? I think that can make a difference to how vulnerable you are.

Agree with others you should be outraged. Pure discrimination. Yes do ask for your duties to be outlined. Maybe speak to HR. You might tell HR you aren’t planning more kids anytime soon though it’s really no one’s business on way or another.

As someone who employs 500+ staff, it's absolutely a consideration when I'm employing someone.

I hope you're careful to keep your posts fully anonymous on here, so your admission of illegal discrimination can't be traced to you in real life.

That is discrimination and as a woman she should know better tbh I'd go to hr and ask for better training

You might drop dead, get hit by a bus etc etc. No manager should be basing any decisions on what might happen.